This is my oldest draft dated 1/22/06 but i orinally wrote it back on 10/23/05.(desparate times call for desparate measures - in liew of any new ideas, i've decided to systematically or maybe not so systematicaly go thru my draft collection - all 81 of them!) I've thought about this name change on & off. Going to keep this at the top, and add new posts below, for a little while and see what comes up.
When I started this blog my bio included some about my past career paths and about never deciding what I wanted to be...(hence)when I grow up. Well if I am to continue in the blogosphere, i have decided that it needs a new name, since it is obvious i am never going to grow up, too late for that now. So in the spirit of moving on I am asking for help from any of you who care to cast a vote. Since I am also the queen of indecision I will take whatever help I can get. But maybe the name is premature, as I think I need to decide what direction this blog is taking; ie: random postings, whatever is on my mind at the moment(ie: ranting and ravings),life with luke(my wonderful boy),jokes, poetry,journaling, inspirations, musings,work stories - med/tech woes or bartender blues) all of the above.
Feel free to jump in here if the spirit moves you, hey I like that.
Xdenotes a previous vote.
Update: Just Write was removed from the original list as it was already claimed by my wonderful blog friend and writing coach, Edie. It seems she has since vacated this spot, but still it just wouldn't seem right.
When the spirit moves you X
Spaghetti and meatballs (?? don't know where that came from but it's evidently popular)XXX
When I grow up X( one vote to keep it) and another-X
Please feel free to add any or vote on those listed,still in the brainstorming stage here ( i know it's only been a year!)
Footnote : Also a major reason that I want to change this it that frequently on google searchs for "When I grow up" or "when I grown up poems", etc and tadah here I am and I don't think I'm what they had in mind for their little ones; specially not on Joke Friday. Now that would be the easy way out, just change it to Joke Friday.
Husband Store ~
A brand new store has just opened in New York City that sells Husbands.
When women go to choose a husband, they have to follow the instructions at the
"You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are 6 floors and the value of
the products increase as you ascend the flights. You may choose any item from a
particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you CANNOT
go back down except to exit the building."
So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
On the 1st floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The 2nd floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
The 3rd floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids and are extremely good looking.
"Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going.
She goes to the 4th floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help with Housework.
"Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the 5th floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, help with Housework and Have A Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the 6th floor and the sign
Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on
this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to
please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.
To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opens a New Wives store just across the street.
The 1st first floor has wives that love sex.
The 2nd floor has wives that love sex and have money and like sports.
The 3rd - 6th floors have never been visited.
(note: i have no idea what it says under this picture - i just like the picture)
The project's been handed in (we only got an A-!! what the heck did the A & A+ people do - build skyscrapers?) And it seems that my blog has lost that 'joie de vivre' or more accurately - i have. It's cold,it's dark,and i'm achy. (I'll have another wine please?) What I really need is a plane ticket to someplace warm. No hiatus planned this year and frankly it's got me grumpy. If I didn't have the damn arm problems, I wouldn't have the damn medical bills to pay and I would be buying tickets and making reservations to someplace warm with palm trees and pina coladas or strawberry daiquiris or both- one for each hand(therapy).
Ok get over it. The good news is I don't have arthritis, just chronic tendonitis, itjjust better be gone by Spring is all i can say. I want to garden (remember I was the winner of the tomato contest last year!) and I want to pitch to my boy - even if he does have to duck them most of the time.
Really I haven't been slackin - I've been really busy!! Getting out the invites (late) to my son's Bar Mitzvah, getting out invites to my best friends book party,and working on son's school project.
THE 6 BEST SMART ASS ANSWERS OF 2006
SMART ASS ANSWER #6 It was mealtime during a flight on Hooters Airline. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked John, seated in front.
"What are my choices?" John asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.
SMART ASS ANSWER #5 A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat, she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub."
SMART ASS ANSWER #4 A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
SMART ASS ANSWER #3 The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said.
The kid replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could."
When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
SMART ASS ANSWER #2 A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads, "Low Bridge Ahead." Before he knows it, the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge.
Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up.
The cop gets out of his car and walks to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?"
The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
SMART ASS ANSWER OF THE YEAR 2006 A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final exam. "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"
A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?" The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering.
When silence is restored, the teacher smiles knowingly at the student, shakes her head and sweetly says, "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, "May I have 50 Christmas stamps?" The clerk says, "What denomination?" The blonde says, "God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Presbyterian, 10 Lutheran and 22 Baptists.
A woman is standing nude looking in the bedroom mirror. She is not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment." The husband replies, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
He never heard the shot....
(Thanks to my dear old friend Steve for the material)
Luck of the Irish
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg. Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs where Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says. So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
I read in the paper the other day that Jack's Joke Shop in Boston was closing. They've been in business since 1922 - 85 years!! I vaguely remember going there in the 80's - at the height of my bartending career - when I learned that telling or "doing" jokes were part of the "trade". This is where I bought those dumb plastic ice cubes with flies in them and the plastic vomit and poop, not to mention the whoopie cushions, the flower ring squirter and the retractable dollar on a string- i love them all. Am I a distant relative of the Marx Brothers or the Three Stoogies?
Laughing is good, especially for a depressed person.
Billy Crystal makes me laugh - When Harry Meets Sally is one of my favorite all time movies.
The other day at work, a co-worker gave me a copy of 700 Sundays by Billy Crystal - it's just what the Doctor ordered it seems, which seques niceley to the Diagnosis of the day... RA, well maybe - let's hope not.
I finally got to see my PCP the other day and she ran some blood tests. Her nurse called me this morning to tell me that I had a positive test for RA but that there are false positives sometimes, but to keep my consult with the Rhumatologist.
Well this is a fine kettle of fish.. just when I was getting comfortable with being "Middle-aged", just when I started thinking, OK this isn't old- wham you're old. ????
Yeah, even when the nurse called me into the office the other day she exclaimed, "you're not ___!", to which I replied, "well, I feel eighty!" But wait a minute I wish I felt as good as my 87 yr. old Mother-in-law - she can run circles around me now(she can out clean and out shop me).
So I can't believe Jack's Joke Shop is closing, the end of an era; and the beginning of another - the Dark(I mean Middle Ages). Ok , enof with the hot flashes and achey breaky bones, I'm going to read 700 Sundays.
Thought it very clever, hope they don't mind me borrowing it for Joke Friday.
You know you're old when:
Some of the vocal artists of the ’60s are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
1. Herman’s Hermits Mrs. Brown, You’ve Got a Lovely Walker
2. The Bee Gees How Can You Mend a Broken Hip
3. Bobby Darin Splish, Splash, I Was Havin’ a Flash
4. Ringo Starr I Get By With a Little Help From Depends
5. Roberta Flack The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face
6. Johnny Nash I Can’t See Clearly Now
7. Paul Simon Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
8. The Commodores Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom
9. Marvin Gaye Heard It Through the Grape Nuts
10. Procol Harem A Whiter Shade of Hair
12. The Temptations Papa’s Got a Kidney Stone
13. Abba Denture Queen
14 . Tony Orlando Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall
15. Helen Reddy I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore
16. Willie Nelson On the Commode Again
17. Leslie Gore It’s My Procedure and I’ll Cry If I Want To
Ok I lied, I said I would finish that story the next day, now it's sitting in the draft's file with 80 others. Let's see even if i delete 1/2 i'll still have almost a months worth of posts. Yes I should've just finished the post at hand while i was on a roll - don't stop now as a wise friend once told me.
So today's excuse (and I have plenty of them) is the diagnosis of the day: posterior Interosseous nerve syndrome. The reason for my left arm pain as told to me in my allotted 5 min; cept that i wasn't satified with that and marched back into ask a couple more questions - wanted to get my $20 copay money's worth. Now I work in a Dr's office and know all about these drive-thru exams and surgery (gall bladder '03 and childbirth '94). Here's your hat, what's your hurry.
And now I can't even read about it on Web MD cause according to them it doesn't exist or he didn't spell it right for me, when I asked for him to right it down and I even called back and asked his assistant. Maybe they'll get back to me tomorrow.