Subject: Fwd: ARE YOU A BITCH?
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about
their professions. The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young,
Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist"
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know....Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says,"I'm a R.U.B., you know...Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you now....Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
A second gal answers their question before they even ask it: "BITCH."
"What exactly is a BITCH?!?", they ask in unison.
"Babe In Total Control of Herself."
So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch"
-SMILE...and say "Thank You!!"
Subject: Fwd: ARE YOU A BITCH?
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their
60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that
because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would
give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her
wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,
"Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and boom!!....
He was 90.
Yet more excuses for not blogging/posting/commenting lately:
Endless yard work
Driving kids to the mall(movies)
Deck dilemma(old one falling down/design dilemma/material dilemma/$$$dilemma
+ need new bulkhead and to fix grading problem.
Making call for Obama
Obsession with MSNBC and the Democratic Campaign - (c'mon Hillary give it up- let's get on with it!)
Depression trying to rear it's ugly head and winning i think.
Getting ready(but not doing anything to get ready) to go to Washington DC on Friday
Trying to make plans for summer vacation but not getting anywhere with that
And last but not least down to one ailing computer - the kid broke the laptop (yup dropped it off his lap - well chair actually but it was on his lap before he put it on the chair).
This one here is 6 or 7 years old and is on it's 3rd life- having crashed 2 hard drives. Last nite one of the bright blue screens with white writing that spell doom & gloom appeared and luckily i am still here today.
Hopefully i will be back someday soon.
(Tis the season!)
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little girl. The
teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise
your hand?" "Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied. The teacher, still
shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan
of? "I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, please tell the class why
you are a Red Sox fan?" "Because my Mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is a Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an
obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled,
"I'd be a Yankees fan."
Subject: 7th degree blondes
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirrorand says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .. I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy it's W.'
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer app roach ed the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of th e cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
(My name is RDL and I Do Not endorse this joke - i just thought it was funny.)
Subject: What Ireland thinks
"We in Ireland cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer(disbarred), and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
Where the hell's the contest here?"
Yes! Enof of the mud slinging, and having to defend himself against the remarks of others. Let's get on with this election! The Democrats have to bring this to a close - and he's our man. I seriously cannot take another 4 years of this war and economy!! And after Hillary's stupid comment about obliterating Iran, I don't want her answering the phone at 2AM.