Joke Friday

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles.
They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things. Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc.
Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.
'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.
The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'
A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.
'I don't think this is going to work,' says Maureen.
'Why?' he asks. 'What's the matter?'
'Well,' she replies, 'it's just not long enough to reach me!'
'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long.
'Well,' she says, 'that's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'
'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman.
'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.
The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'
'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'
'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears.'

Photohunter

This weeks theme: Wrinkled

(Thanks to Castleruins for jogging my memory as I didn't think i had an entry for this week - tho his/hers is much better.)

Joke Friday

(reposting here - need some new material - but this is one of my favs.)

Joke of the Day - A.A.A.D.D. - Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how is manifests itself:

I decide to wash my car. As I start toward to the garage, I notice
that there is mail on the hall table. I decide to go through the
mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys down on the table, put the junk mail in the trash
can under the table, and notice that the trash can is full.

So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the
trash first, but then I think that since I’m going to be near the
mailbox when I take out the trash anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.

I take my checkbook off the table and see that there is only one check
left. My extra checks are in my desk in the study, o I go to my
desk where I find the can of Coke that I had been drinking. I’m going
to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I
don’t accidentally knock it over.

I see that the Coke is getting warm, and I decide I should put it in the
refrigerator to keep it cold.

As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the
counter catches my eye–they need to be watered.

I set the Coke down on the counter and I discover my reading
glasses that I’ve been searching for all morning.

I decide I’d better put them back on my desk, but first I’m going to
water the flowers.

I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water,
and suddenly I spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.

I realize that tonight, when we go to watch TV, we will be looking for
the remote, but nobody will remember that it’s on the kitchen table, so
I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs, but first I’ll
water the flowers.

I splash some water on the flowers, but most of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back down on the table, get some towels and wipe up
the spill.

Then I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.

At the end of the day; the car isn’t washed, the bills aren’t paid,
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter, the flowers aren’t
watered, there is still only one check in my checkbook,

I can’t find the remote, I can’t find my glasses, and I don’t remember
what I did with the car keys.

Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I’m really
baffled because I know I was busy all day long and I’m really tired. I
realize this is a serious problem, and I’ll try to get some help for it,
but first I’ll check my e-mail.

Photohunter

This weeks theme: colorful

Joke Friday

Childbirth at 65

With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old
friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the
hospital and went home, I went to visit.
'May I see the new baby?' I asked
'Not yet,' she said, 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while
first.'
Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?'
'No, not yet,' She said.
After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?'
'No, not yet,' replied my friend.
Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?'

'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me.

'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?'

'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'

The Shore

travelogue in progress

Photohunter

This weeks theme: Dark

Joke Friday

Where Paris gives it back to McCain

See more funny videos at Funny or Die

Vignette

Photohunter

This weeks theme: Clouds



Just catching up here. I had to hunt for this one just taken this Memorial Day Weekend. I usually see spectacular cloud/sky shots when I don't have my camera!

I just realized that I cheated - i used this for the July 5th Pointed theme!

Photohunter

This weeks theme: hanging

Joke Friday

Subject: Interview


A major International company was looking to recruit for an important
position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their
search down to three people.

In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same
question to answer within 24 hours, and the one with the best answer would
get the job.

The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with
her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the
woman's back.

What is the man's name?


After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their
answers.

The first, from England , says 'My answer is, there is no answer.'

The second, from Scotland , says 'My answer is that there is no way to
determine the answer with the information we were given.'

The third one, from Ireland , says 'I'm not exactly sure, but I have it
narrowed down to two names. It's either:


Scroll down for the answer, or stop, and try to work it out.
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Willie Turner or Willie Naylor.'



The Irishman got the job...