feeling like an impostor
with my sullen grimace
anyone can enter here
the bored ER doctor
asking me the boring questions
on a scale of 1 to 10...
does this hurt?
how bout this?
the x-ray guy was nice
made an attempt
at good humor
script in hand
wheeled out to the cold
home to suffer in silence
moans from the next cubicle
already receding


broke a stupid holiday tradition tonite. I wrapped a few presents. We never wrap anything until xmas eve. And that is after dinner, dessert and much wine. This probably got started because i'm usually shopping up until xmas eve. wanting to see what i had bought/what we had/what we needed. Now, i just don't care anymore; whatever it is, it is. I've actually been done for days. I'm even considering baking - i haven't done that since my son was little & i'd make sugar cut-out cookies with him for Santa.
I'm not much of a cook, so i always thought baking was for the experts and why compete with the beautiful, yummy stuff you can get at the bakery.
maybe you can teach an old dog new tricks.


This weeks theme: male


This weeks theme: Funny


This weeks theme: hard to find


This weeks theme: Natural

My new obsession

Sadly i think they've flown south. Wish i 'd gone with them.

Joke Friday

Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb had been friends all of their lives.

When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.

One day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved playing women's softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me
know if there's women's softball there.'

Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed and said, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.'

Shortly after that, Rose passed on.

A few nights later, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.'

'Who is it', asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. 'Who is it?'

'Barb -- it's me, Rose..'

'You're not Rose. Rose just died.'

'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice.

'Rose! Where are you?'

'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news and a little bad news.'

'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb.

'The good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's softball in Heaven. Better yet all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.'

'That's fantastic,' said Barb. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?'

'You're pitching Tuesday.'

Life is uncertain - eat dessert first.

Jessica's "Daily Affirmation"

I love this kid!
(turn off music and listen)


by Milan Kundera:

"When Goethe was working on Wilhelm Meister, he allowed his secretary Riemer to read proof for him and strike out a superfluous word or touch up a phrase here or there, thought he would never had entrusted his poetry to him. In Goethe's time prose could not make the aesthetic claims or poetry: perhaps not until the work of Flaubert did prose lose the stigma of aesthetic inferiority. Ever since Madame Bovary,the art of the novel has been considered equal to the art of poetry, and the novelist (any novelist worthy of the name) endows every word of his prose with the uniqueness of the word in a poem.

Marine Biologist

Last patient of the morning
He was late
Grudingly I called him in
I wanted to go to lunch
Glancing at his new patient information
I zeroed in on Occupation- Marine Biologist
By the look on his face
I knew that we must be in trouble
"Awful bout the oil spill", I said
"Horrible", he replied
Shaking his head, looking down

He gave his awful prognosis
"It will affect the whole East Coast
The oil will raise the water temperature
Hurricanes will be stronger as a result"
I turned off the lights and proceeded to check his vision
hoping beyond hope that the vision
he had just painted was wrong
Finishing up the exam
saddened and sickened by his news
I went off guiltily to eat my lunch
provided by one of the big drug companies

As the oil continues to gush
and images of those oil slicked pelicans
flicker on the TV screen
it seems just too unimaginable, too unreal
and as the days tick by with no solution
It appears that all we can do is pray
pray to a G-d who may not be able to listen

This is just so horrible and sad!



This weeks theme: mother


This weeks theme: Black

Joke Friday


I went to the doctor for my yearly physical. The nurse started with certain basics.

"How much do you weigh?" she asked.

"135," I said. The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.

The nurse asked, "Your height?" "5 foot 4," I said.

The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5'2"

She then took my blood pressure and told me that it is very high.

"Of course it's high!" I screamed, 'When I came in here I was tall and slender! Now I'm short and fat!"

She put me on Prozac. What a bitch.


This weeks theme: addiction


This weeks theme: covered


This weeks theme: vertical

Joke Friday

Life summarized in...

4 bottles

Crap, I'm already on the 3rd one


This weeks theme: Sweet

Joke Friday

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been
married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided
to amaze our men by greeting them at the door
wearing a black bra, black panties, black stiletto heels and a black mask over our eyes.
We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.

Well, here's how it all went.

My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he
found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask.
He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you..' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was
wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and
mask over my eyes.. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word,
but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,

"What's for dinner, Batman?"


This weeks theme: fresh

Joke Friday

Mad Wife Disease......

A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine.

"What was that for?" he asked.

"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied.

"Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura
Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on,"
He explained

"Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation."

Three days later he was watching a ball game on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold.

When he came to, he asked, "What the hell was that for?"

She replied......."Your horse called."


This weeks theme: three

Joke Friday

This explains why I forward jokes.
A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.
When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, where are we?'

'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered. 'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up. 'The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveler asked.

'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book..

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'

'How about my friend here?' the traveler gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

When they were full, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.

'What do you call this place?' the traveler asked.
'This is Heaven,' he answered.

'Well, that's confusing,' the traveler said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'
'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding jokes to us without writing a word.

Maybe this will explain.

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

When you have nothing to say, but still want to keep contact, you forward jokes.
When you have something to say, but don't know what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

Also to let you know that you are still remembered, you are still important, you are still cared for, guess what you get?...............A forwarded joke.

So, next time if you get a joke, from me, don't think that you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but that you've been thought of today and your friend on the other end of your computer wanted to send you a smile..

You are all welcome at my water bowl anytime


This weeks theme: foreign

Joke Friday

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical.
A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.

A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?'

Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''

The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'

Sunday Sampler

From the Happiness Blog

I like them all but especially #'s 4,5,6,7, & 11; but not #12!

Nineteen Tips for Cheering Yourself Up -- from 200 Years Ago.


I've posted this list before, but I love it, so am supplying it again. I read it in a biography of the English writer Sydney Smith, in Hesketh Pearson’s The Smith of Smiths. In 1820, Smith wrote a letter to an unhappy friend, Lady Morpeth, in which he offered her tips for cheering up.

I have my own variety of tips lists for cheering up, and I was interested to hear what someone from two centuries ago would recommend. Most of Smith's suggestions are as sound now as they were almost 200 years ago -- "attend to the effects tea and coffee produce upon you" for example, is thoroughly modern. A few, though, are amusingly odd. It might be tougher today to work "good blazing fires" into everyday life.

My favorites are #1, 3, 6, 13, 15, 16, and 17.

“1st. Live as well as you dare.
2nd. Go into the shower-bath with a small quantity of water at a temperature low enough to give you a slight sensation of cold, 75 or 80 degrees.
3rd. Amusing books.
4th. Short views of human life—not further than dinner or tea.
5th. Be as busy as you can.
6th. See as much as you can of those friends who respect and like you.
7th. And of those acquaintances who amuse you.
8th. Make no secret of low spirits to your friends, but talk of them freely—they are always worse for dignified concealment.
9th. Attend to the effects tea and coffee produce upon you.
10th. Compare your lot with that of other people.
11th. Don’t expect too much from human life—a sorry business at the best.
12th. Avoid poetry, dramatic representations (except comedy), music, serious novels, melancholy, sentimental people, and everything likely to excite feeling or emotion, not ending in active benevolence.
13th. Do good, and endeavour to please everybody of every degree.
14th Be as much as you can in the open air without fatigue.
15th. Make the room where you commonly sit gay and pleasant.
16th. Struggle by little and little against idleness.
17th. Don’t be too severe upon yourself, or underrate yourself, but do yourself justice.
18th. Keep good blazing fires.
19th. Be firm and constant in the exercise of rational religion.
20th. Believe me, dear Lady Georgiana.”

What rings true for you?


This weeks theme: Daily


Dreamt about that old brown Rambler, that I still have it - a reoccurring dream. What does it mean? Vestige of my past that I'm trying to hold on to? reclaim? reinvent myself again?
I bought that brown Rambler on the Vineyard - another one of my $500 specials. Had a lot of those. My first car was a Red Rambler - push button convertible that my uncle, who had a gas station in the Bronx, got for me. I thought i was very cool at college with that car. But back to the brown rambler - when i moved to the Boston area it was a liability - i was forever getting tickets til i finally got the boot - a huge metal contraption so you couldn't drive off til they eventually towed it away and impounded it. I remember I paid more than i paid for the car to get it out. I wanted them to just keep the car but they told me I'd still owe the money. Then when i moved in town and i didn't use the car much, cept on wkends to get out of town, i would invariably lose it. I literally would forget where i parked it after a week and have to go look for it. So I sometimes have this dream that i still have the car and i'm looking for it.
Did a search of "dreams" on my blog.
What strange/reoccurring dreams do you have??