Joke Friday

Three old guys are out walking. First one says, 'Windy, isn't it?' Second one says, 'No, it's Thursday!'
Third one says, 'So am I. Let's go get a beer..'
A man was telling his neighbour, 'I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it's state of the art.. It's perfect.' 'Really,' answered the neighbour. 'What kind is it?'
'Twelve thirty..'

Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw Morris walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm. A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to Morris and said, 'You're really doing great, aren't you?' Morris replied, 'Just doing what you said, Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.''
The doctor said, 'I didn't say that.. I said, 'You've got a heart murmur; be careful.'


This weeks theme: bird(s)

Joke Friday

Couple in their nineties are both having problems remembering things. During a check-up, the doctor tells them that they're physically okay, but they might want to start writing things down to help them remember ..
Later that night, while watching TV, the old man gets up from his chair. 'Want anything while I'm in the kitchen?' he asks.
'Will you get me a bowl of ice cream?'
'Don't you think you should write it down so you can remember it?' she asks.
'No, I can remember it.'
'Well, I'd like some strawberries on top, too. Maybe you should write it down, so as not to forget it?'
He says, 'I can remember that. You want a bowl of ice cream with strawberries.'
'I'd also like whipped cream. I'm certain you'll forget that, write it down?' she asks.
Irritated, he says, 'I don't need to write it down, I can remember it! Ice cream with strawberries and whipped cream - I got it, for goodness sake!'
Then he toddles into the kitchen. After about 20 minutes, The old man returns from the kitchen and hands his wife a plate of bacon and eggs.. She stares at the plate for a moment.

'Where's my toast?'


A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy:
'So I hear you're getting married?'
'Do I know her?'
'This woman, is she good looking?'
'Not really.'
'Is she a good cook?'
'Naw, she can't cook too well.'
'Does she have lots of money?'
'Nope! Poor as a church mouse.'
'Well, then, is she good in bed?'
'I don't know.'
'Why in the world do you want to marry her then?'

'Because she can still drive!'



This weeks theme: music

Joke Friday

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat. He said,
'Mike, let me tell you something. On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, "Here, try these on.'' She did
and said, "These are too big. I can't wear them."
I replied, "Exactly... I wear the pants in this family and I always will."
Ever since that night, we have never had any problems. "Hmmm,"
said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.
On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to
Karen, "Here, try these on...
She tried them on and said, "These are too large... They don't fit me." Mike said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will. I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike.
She said, "Here, you try on mine."
Mike did and said, "I can't get into your panties."
Karen said, "Exactly. And if you don't
change your smart-ass attitude, you never will."


Today I waited in line for the privilege of shopping at the coach outlet store.I couldn't believe it - waiting in line to get in a store! It was my first time in one and my first time witnessing the phenomena of frenzied woman in search of the mighty grail of pocketbooks. Having never spent more than $50(maybe even $40) on a pocketbook i was perplexed by this. yes they were nice (i guess) but $200 plus for a pocketbook?? and one with "C's" all over it that lots other people have or perhaps want(as will possibly call attention to the fact that maybe this pocketbook has more money than that generic one?)
Anyway truth be known i was coveting this one tiny pocketbook,called a "wristlit" that was $60 (just 10 over the limit - if i was too succumb - but i'm much to frugal/cheap). A well-dressed/made up woman next to be had two of the same in her hand as she reached up for another red one, at which point i said, it's hard to pick, isn't it. to which she replied, "that's why you just get a multiplies of them.

I think my mouth was slightly ajar as she walked away on the arm of her coiffed husband with all 3 bags. I just wish i had said, don't you even feel a little bit guilty?

Hey but the good news is the Health Care Plan passed the Congress; now on to the Senate - keep your fingers crossed or uncrossed and dialing your senators!!

Well the pocketbook lady may only be able to get 2 next time, i feel so sorry for her already. sic.


This weeks theme: Veteran/military

George Laban
3/26/13- 11/28/04

Joke Friday

A few good Senior Moments

Garage Door

The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?' The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question.

As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his assistant's question about his 'garage door.'

He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there?'

She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old minivan with two flat tires..


An elderly gentleman....
Had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%
The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your hearing is perfect.. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.'
The gentleman replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet.

I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!'