Joke Friday

And that's how the fight got started-------------------

One year I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.When she asked me why, I replied, "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

My wife walked into the den and asked, "What's on the TV?" I replied, "Dust."
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror. She was not happy with what shesaw and said, "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.I replied, 'Well, your eyesight's damn near perfect.'
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds." I bought her a scale.
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our anniversary?" "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she replied. "How about the kitchen?" I suggested.
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

My wife and I were watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire' while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, "Do you want to have sex?" "No," she answered. So I said, "Is that your final answer?" Without even looking at me, she said, "Yes." So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend." And that's how the fight got started.-------------------------------------------

I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95.Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look a lot better than the cold cream.
And that's how the fight got started.--------------------------------

I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. 'I'll have the strip steak, rare, please," I told him. He said, "Aren't you worried about mad cow?" "Nah," I said, "she can order for herself."
And that's how the fight got started.