Joke Friday

An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I" she says.
"What suburb in Melbourne." "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?" "Cameo street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?" He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"

Woman's best friend

Sitting here with my coffee in one hand and the mouse in the other,I feel warmth next to my foot and look down and see the big black body of my dog sitting as close as can be.Sometimes he gets right under the desk. If i go downstairs to get more coffee, he will follow me, lie down and when i go back up to my desk, he will patiently get up and follow me back up. This goes on all day. If I let him out, he's back in, in minutes; he doesn't let me out of his sight. Now this is unconditional love. He doesn't care that I haven't showered and that i'm still in my robe, hair not combed. He doesn't even care if I rant and rave and scream and yell, as long as he gets a walk and fed - hey life is good.

Doctor du Jour

For someone who never goes to the doctor and only recently started even having yearly checkups - this has been a doctor filled wk. Mon. the Orthopedic from hell. Tues. day off. Wed. and Thurs.: chiropractor and xrays at the hospital. Today I met my new primary doctor: ok, let's see: I got a glance of him from the waiting room and i thought(sorry) young and dorky. He was nice enough though and spent some time with me. Seems to think i am suffering from ...da,da da, duh.....depression. Well any idiot could've figured that out, i guess. Ok i'm angry, what can i say; i hate this shit - here we go - round 3, 4, 106. Somehow, clinical depression got mentioned and i said whooaa, i don't have that, i just have the regular, everybody has it version; he says that's what it's called, what everybody has. So he agrees with the chiro. that i need psychotherapy and physical therapy( i also have tendonitis and sciatica) but i like what he said about the xrays: hey even an 155 yr. old person without any pain wouldn't have a perfect back/xray. Just what i like, perspective.

Joke Friday

A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strangecoincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed andlistened to her prayers which went like this:"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, thiskid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later whenthe girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up atthe crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get byuntil midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so insteadof going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnightarrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.When he got home his wife said; "I've never seen you work so late, what'sthe matter?"He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day ofmy life."She said; "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe whathappened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch

A doctor a day

is not as good as an apple a day. A little information is not good and too much information well, I don't know. The doctor of the day(actually past 2 days) was a chiropractor. A good friend of mine pestered me into- "Well it can't hurt, nobody else is helping you". She was right - he is a very astute doctor, albeit doctor of chiropracter and he had the decency to hand me a tissue unlike that other neanderthal that I saw the other day. And he identified my problems: all of them! - too many. And he said the reason the painkillers weren't working he thought was something called myofascial pain, brought on by sleep deprivation caused by depression. Hmm. He ordered some X-rays of the back to be done the next day before he would "adjust" me.

So today I take myself back up the highway to the Hospital, then I hand carry the X-rays to my new Dr. He goes over them - the bad news(all of which I already knew, cept for one): 1) I have osteoparosis ( but i guess seeing it on X-ray is not a good thing - i just found out on bone scan in July). 2) I have disc degeneration ( i was told this 20 yrs. ago), but I didnt' like the look of that stage 2 model - ouch! no wonder i have sciatica. 3) I have scoliosis (since childhood!! - how come i never knew this?)- tho a friend tells me unless it's more serious, they dont' treat it? maybe she's just trying to make me feel better, but i guess i've lived with it this long - probably the least of my worries. He went on some more but i will spare you the details.

Next we went to the treatment room where he adjusted me - a little clicking, no pain, just a little scary - it's been years since i've done this. Then just before he's leaving, almost out the door, he turns and says, " Is there anything else wrong?". Well, then the tears really started flowing, so he came back in and i blurted out " it's my marraige, a bad marraige, i'm so depressed". There it's out - i said it. He then says, well that's what this is all about, you have to do something, talk to someone; the prozac is not enough- it's written all over your face. He writes down someones name on a card and says i really like her, if she's still around. Then he asks my favorite question, " No thoughts of hurting yourself?". "No". "See you next week".

Is there a doctor in the house?

Chief Complaint/Presenting illness:
I've had tendonitis of the elbow and shoulder since May '05 or before actually; May was when i finally went to the doctor, an orthopedic surgeon. He came in and examined me in about 5 min. pronounced that I had bursitis of the shoulder and I could have a cortisone shot if i liked. I almost chickened out when he went out to do something while his assistant got the instruments( tools of torture) ready. Physical therapy was recommended but I didn't partake because it wasn't covered by our insurance and i didn't want to spend my hard earned cash on it.

So when it came back in August before vacation, with now the elbow involved too, I went to the orthopedic Dr. in my doctors group and I got the double whammy injection. This doctor was very short on bedside manner so when it flared again in December I went to yet another Dr. who x-rayed the elbow and gave in another injection there.

April I'm back again for the elbow. So tho score now is 3 elbow/2 shoulder.
So now it's been back again, in both for a couple of months but worse the last week.
I take myself off to yet another Orthopedic doc and , oh yea i forgot to say that now my sciatica has decided to rear it's ugly head, just in case the arm gives me a moment of peace. So this new doctor, who only does arms and knees so forget telling him about the sciatica, tells me it usually lasts a year, but in some people it can last up to 4 yrs.And it quite often happens to carpenters and physical laborers (damn my house). In the middle of the exam I start to get upset (lack of sleep does this to you - i'm teary- very - does he offer me a kleenex/is there any in sight - No. He has also made me choose which is bothering me more, hence the discussion on the elbow. my choices: another cortisone shot in the elbow (tho my last doctor told me 3 was it ( 4th isn't therapeutic) or surgery.

So i leave as i'm not sure about a shot or surgery. when i get outside some questions surface and i go back in and ask his assistant if i could just talk to him for a few minutes. I thought they would let me talk to him in between patients, as we do at the practice i work at. I patiently waited for him to see his remaining 3 or 4 patients and then he comes out to the waiting area to talk to me, doesn't even call me back in after making me wait. I ask him about the shoulder pain again ( now did i mention the constant clicking?) and a few quick questions and i leave.

Last nite was the worst nite ever ; I fell asleep early watching House, woke up at 11 in pain( arm and leg(butt/sciatica, took some pain med. and was still awake at 3 AM consulting Web MD. I go downstairs for water and feel awful, nauseous and like i'm gonna faint. went back to bed and managed to sleep a couple of hours. called out for work and back to bed for a couple more hours.
I dont' know how I can live like this; I know people have much worse than this, but i'm having a hard time coping. Appt. with physical therapy tomorrow; tho i can't figure how that will help while everything is hurting it now. wishing i had done it when the cortisone was on board.
Well if there is anyone still here, i'll take any and all suggestions.

Open studios

This is my friend,Michael Costello ,in his studio. I went with my friend Mary into Boston today, to see my old friend, for open studios. He is an amazing painter and so prolific. It was truly amazing viewing his works all hung and all beautiful right there in his studio. He's really come along way since we were working together at the Charles Restaurant. Michael always, and still does, made me laugh; which was a good thing when working with the public, especially snooty public. I am so glad that he doesn't have to do that anymore and is so successful. We did have fun, tho (maybe a little bit too much). I loved when he would grab a cocktail napkin off my bar and draw a caricature of one of the regulars (pains in the asses) -it was our little private joke.

The best thing that happened tho was when Tina Turner came and ate at our little restaurant, she sat in the private booth right next to the bar, and i could here her talking and Michael waited on her and drew one of those little caricatures of her. I told him to give it to her and he charmed her in his charming ways and we got front row seats to her concert the next nite in Providence, RI. It was her comeback tour (What's love got to do with it") and she was incredible with that voice, those legs, her whole persona. But then this post wasn't supposed to be about "the good ole days" (cause they weren't so good, were they? - we were incredible poor- but we had fun.) Of course we spent half of what we made all nite in a couple of hrs. at the bar after work. So all that said, Miquel, I'm really happy for you, congratulations! - you derserve it.

Joke Friday

Subject: Ploblem Ah sooooooooooooooooooo
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a
condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one
morning to find his manhood covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having
seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to
return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got
bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and
almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to
have to amputate your manhood."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The Doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but
surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll
know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his manhood and
proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. vely lare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what
can we do? my American doctor wants to operate and amputate my manhood!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta,
always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. faw off
by itself!"

Me, Sarah McClachlan and a MRI

I especially appreciated that there tomato award after coming home from having a MRI of my shoulder and elbow Sunday morning. I didn't mind the machine at all, actually was relaxing after not much sleep (2 vicodan did nothing for the pain last night).
The first one for my shoulder was done laying on my back and was easy but the lying on my stomach with my arm stretched out over my head, with handfacing up (for the elbow), well that was a bit uncomfortable. I came out in tears, much to the surprise of the technician who said," you did so well, you should've told me I would've paused it." I told her, that's ok, I'm a big cry baby, not much pain tolerance at all. It still amazes me that I delivered a baby, tho i can distinctly remember saying over and over, "I can't do this", "I want to go home".
Now I wait til Tues. when the report goes to my new primary care doctor; but I really have to wait til next Mon. when I go to the new Orthopedic surgeon. I guess i've figured out either way I don't win. If they find something that wasn't on the xrays that they can repair - that means ....dahdahdahda... surgery. and if they don't find anything that means I need to retire( no more patients, no more tending bar at weddings, no more gardening and definitely no more cleaning) and do nothing (take up watching tv 12 hrs. a day or more likely blogging or maybe even reading if i have that much time) cause absolutely everything hurts it, even doing nothing.

Where were you?

I got this idea over at The Examining Room of Dr. Charles. It's an excellent recount of where he was on 9/11/01 and also a great poem. It got me to thinking...Where was I? I was working at the doctors office . We were in the middle of the morning round of working up patients. I heard a patient in the waiting room saying something happened in New York - at the World Trade Center; then someone said that they were watching it on a TV over in the optical shop. I made my way over there and caught a replay of the 1st plane hitting the tower. Unbelievable, this couldn't of happened. Then as more and more news came in about it, the 2nd tower, the planes were from Boston. Boston Mayor shutting down city, telling people to go home. I'm starting to get worried now, teary. My 7 yr. old son is at school - will he be okay? if (?)something more(?) happens?? What about my husband in Boston? I call, he's not leaving; the bar is full; yes isn't that always where people head.
Us techs were lingering in the hall as we do, filling out charts, chatting (usually about much more mundane things) but now somberly discussing events. The doctor that I am working with that morning notices - what? - the worried look? the tears still in my eyes? or was it fear? that sick feeling I felt for days/weeks after. He kindly looked at me and asked, no told me, " are you ok?you can go if you want to." But I stayed and worked up the patients; I don't remember a thing about that day, but the TV and the tower and the smoke.

Wait, I lied, wrote that yesterday, just came back to edit.

I remember coming home to my house , where I was about to embark on some remodel project and thinking should I bother, does it matter? I also remember having to go to the hospital for some bloodwork/ pre-op tests for my impending gall bladder surgery and wanting desperately to be giving blood, or volunteering to go to NY - to be doing something! I remember watching the wonderful concerts and calling in my contribution and feeling is this all I can do?
And the stories: My husband's sister's son worked in that building and was late for work that day - but his mother was down in Washington on a business trip with her husband and couldn't get him on the phone and couldn't get a flight out, so they rented a car and started driving back. She finally got in touch with him that night. My cousin's friend had business in the Tower that day but got there after the plane had hit and then spent the rest of the day trying to get back to NJ. I know there are countless stories like this.

"There for the grace of G-d go I".

9/11/01

They Failed Miserably

by Kevin Caruso

Though they plot evil against you
and devise wicked schemes,
they cannot succeed.
(Psalm 21:11)

And the terrorists did not succeed.

They failed miserably.

Instead of dividing America,
they unified America.

Instead of destroying our spirit,
they strengenthed our spirit.

Instead of moving us away from God,
they moved us closer to God;
and strenthened our faith.

The evil cowards who attacked us failed miserably...
in every way.

And while our 911 angels are in Heaven,
the satanic terrorists burn in hell for eternity.

They failed miserably.





--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I won, I won!!!

Be still my beating heart!! OK you have to go over to The Examining Room of Dr. Charles and see the other winners of The 2006 tomato contest ,in case you think I'm delusional.

Animals

Jackson

Dakota (may he rest in peace)
Yellowfinch

Waitin on his boy to get off the bus.

Summer

Joke Friday

Subject: A Little Flab

One morning, while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife,
pinched her on the butt and said, "If you firmed up, we could get rid of
your control top panty hose." While this was on the edge of intolerable,
she kept silent.
The next morning the man woke his wife with a pinch on each of her
breasts and said, "You know, if you firmed these up, we could get rid
of your bra." This was beyond a silent response, so she rolled over and
grabbed him by his "winkie". With a death grip in place, she said, "You
know, if you firmed this up, we could get rid of the gardener, the
postman, the pool boy, and your brother."

Full Moon

Moondance by Van Morrison. What a marvelous night for a moondance.......
The moon was incredible driving home tonite from my big indulgence- I got my hair done (that remark makes me officially old)you don't hear any young people saying that. It's something i heard my mother and her sisters say. Now they say highlighted or styled or flat-ironed. Well i'm not only sounding my age, but feeling it too. My shoulder is feeling "out", kinda like my back used to get. I've had 2 cortisone injections there and 3 in my supposed "tennis elbow", which the nurse from the surgery center where i work, told me she didn't think i had (maybe I did and it's better); but she seems to think its deferred pain from my shoulder which started bothering me May '05. The thought that it might not ever go away is too much to bear(I am the world's worst patient, i can't tolerate pain or even just not feeling normal), and I'm not ready for this yet! Since i'm not going anywhere with this post(just wanted to whine) I'm going to bed, but first i'm taking 2 Advil. Can totally relate to Dr. House last night- wish he lived next door.Now I have to wait for my other show(Gray's Anatomy); still like the reruns of the older TV shows the best tho. Didn't i say i was going to bed?

Grand Rounds

I was very excited to be included in this weeks Grandrounds over at Clinical Cases and Images. My post, "Manic Monday" , is in the letters section. Please stop over there and read some of the interesting posts.

Garden Update

First Sunday in Sept.- (Yes, I know it's Monday) - final pictures for the tomato contest over at The Examing Room of Dr. Charles. It was pouring here yesterday and the tomatoes took another beating. I like the Monet look of the first picture and the next one is my contender in the largest category( or is green an automatic disqualify?) - it's my prized Beefsteaks that I wait all Summer for - don't know if they will ever turn red before frost. I will probably try the old put them in a paper bag in a dark place trick. The next picture is one of my sensuous grapes next to an overlooked/overgrown cucumber - they didn't mind this years weather at all and they don't have to be staked!!! My basil did great as well. As for the Tomato contest-I think maybe the August pictures are my only hope.

Can

Found this amazing article & video over at a A Dad's search for truth, it's is probably the most moving i've ever seen. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryCTIigaloQ

Strongest Dad in the World"[From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly]Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles in marathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day. This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick was strangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs. "He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. "Put him in an institution.'' But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. "No way,'' Dick says he was told. "There's nothing going on in his brain.'' "Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out a lot was going on in his brain. Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? "Go Bruins!'' And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized a charity run for him, Rick pecked out, "Dad, I want to do that.'' Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described "porker'' who never ran more than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried. "Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. "I was sore for two weeks.'' That day changed Rick's life. "Dad,'' he typed, "when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!'' And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could. Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hour Ironmans in Hawaii. This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. "No question about it,'' Rick types. "My dad is the Father of the Century.'' Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some backbreaking race every weekend, including this Father's Day. That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy. "The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, "is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

Joke Friday

POWER OUTAGE DURING A MAMMOGRAMI actually kept my mammogram appointment. I was met with, "Hi! I'm Belinda!" This perky clipboard carrier smiled from ear to ear, tilted her head to one side and crooned, "All I need you to do is step into this room right hereee, strip to the waist, thennn slip on this gown. Everything clearrrr? I'm thinking, "Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science." Belinda skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, "Hmmmm. Can you stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?'Fine, I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not use the remaining circulation in my legs nd neck and finish me off? My body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other boob wedged beween those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when we heard, then felt a zap! Complete darkness and the power went off! "Oh, maintenance is working. Bet they hit a snag." Belinda headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be rightttt backkk."Before I could shout "NOOOO!" she disappeared. And that's exactly how Bubba and Earl, maintenance men extraordinaire, found me, half-naked and part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed between glass! After exchanging polite "Hi, how's it going" type greetings, Bubba (or possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the powr was off.Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible "Uh, yes, yes I did thanks." "You bet, take care" Bubba replied and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery store. Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin and making no attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry!" The power came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch. Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up between the clamps....