Subject: Fwd: ARE YOU A BITCH?
Some friends were sitting at the bar talking about
their professions. The first guy says "I'm a Y.U.P.P.I.E, you know...Young,
Urban, Professional, Peaceful, Intelligent, Ecologist"
The second guy says "I'm a D.I.N.K, you know....Double Income, No Kids."
The third guy says,"I'm a R.U.B., you know...Rich, Urban, Biker."
They turn to the woman and ask her, "What are you?" She replies: "I'm a WIFE, you now....Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."
A second gal answers their question before they even ask it: "BITCH."
"What exactly is a BITCH?!?", they ask in unison.
"Babe In Total Control of Herself."
So ladies, next time somebody calls you "Bitch"
-SMILE...and say "Thank You!!"
Joke Friday
Joke Friday
A couple had been married for 25 years and also celebrated their
60th birthdays. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that
because they had been such a loving couple all those years, she would
give them one wish each.
The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her
wand and boom! She had the tickets in her hand.
Next, it was the husband's turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly,
"Well, I'd like to have a woman 30 years younger than me."
The fairy picked up her wand and boom!!....
He was 90.
Excuses, excuses
Yet more excuses for not blogging/posting/commenting lately:
Endless yard work
Dirty house
Baseball
Driving kids to the mall(movies)
Deck dilemma(old one falling down/design dilemma/material dilemma/$$$dilemma
+ need new bulkhead and to fix grading problem.
Making call for Obama
Obsession with MSNBC and the Democratic Campaign - (c'mon Hillary give it up- let's get on with it!)
Depression trying to rear it's ugly head and winning i think.
Getting ready(but not doing anything to get ready) to go to Washington DC on Friday
Trying to make plans for summer vacation but not getting anywhere with that
And last but not least down to one ailing computer - the kid broke the laptop (yup dropped it off his lap - well chair actually but it was on his lap before he put it on the chair).
This one here is 6 or 7 years old and is on it's 3rd life- having crashed 2 hard drives. Last nite one of the bright blue screens with white writing that spell doom & gloom appeared and luckily i am still here today.
Hopefully i will be back someday soon.
Joke Friday
(Tis the season!)
A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a Yankees fan.
She asks her students to raise their hands if they, too, are Yankees fans.
Everyone in the class raises their hand expect one little girl. The
teacher looks at the girl with surprise and says, "Janie, why didn't you raise
your hand?" "Because I'm not a Yankees fan," she replied. The teacher, still
shocked, asked, "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then who are you a fan
of? "I am a Red Sox fan, and proud of it," Janie replied. The teacher could not believe her ears. "Janie, please tell the class why
you are a Red Sox fan?" "Because my Mom is a Red Sox fan, and my dad is a Red Sox fan, so I'm a Red Sox fan too!" "Well," said the teacher in an
obviously annoyed tone, "that is no reason for you to be a Red Sox fan. You don't have to be just like your parents all of the time. What if your Mom were a moron and your dad were a moron, what would you be then?" "Then," Janie smiled,
"I'd be a Yankees fan."
Joke Friday
Subject: 7th degree blondes
FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The very blonde wife picked up the phone, listened a moment and said 'How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!' and hung up.
The husband said, 'Who was that?'
The wife answered, 'I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear.'
SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirrorand says, 'Hmm, this person looks familiar.'
The second blonde says, 'Here, let me see!'
So, the first blonde hands her the compact.
The second blonde looks in the mirror and says, 'You dummy, it's me!'
THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and puts it to her head.
The boyfriend yells, 'No, honey, don't do it!!!'
The blonde replies, 'Shut up, you're next!'
FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals.
She proudly says, 'Go ahead, ask me, .. I know 'em all.'
A friend says, 'OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin ?'
The blonde replies, 'Oh, that's easy it's W.'
FIFTH DEGREE
Q: What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: 'Is it mine?'
SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA Freshman, sat in her US Government class.
The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about.
Bambi pondered the question; then, finally, said, 'That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware .'
SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and reported the crime. The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby, was the first to respond.
As the K-9 officer app roach ed the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of th e cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, 'I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman!'
Joke Friday
(My name is RDL and I Do Not endorse this joke - i just thought it was funny.)
Subject: What Ireland thinks
"We in Ireland cannot figure out why you are even bothering to hold an election.
On one side, you have a bitch who is a lawyer, married to a lawyer(disbarred), and a lawyer who is married to a bitch who is a lawyer.
On the other side, you have a true war hero married to a woman with a huge chest who owns a beer distributorship.
Where the hell's the contest here?"
CHANGE!!!!
Yes! Enof of the mud slinging, and having to defend himself against the remarks of others. Let's get on with this election! The Democrats have to bring this to a close - and he's our man. I seriously cannot take another 4 years of this war and economy!! And after Hillary's stupid comment about obliterating Iran, I don't want her answering the phone at 2AM.
Photohunter
Joke Friday
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?'
The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.
The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my
side of the family and your father told you about his.'
Reasons
Why I haven't blogged/posted lately:
Stuck
Massive amount of yard work
poison ivy ( note to self - Spray!!)
Massive amount of yard work
burning, clearing, raking, mulching
Conflict
letter writing, emails
School vacation (went to Blue Man Group in Boston)
Worrying about the presidential election (Barack)
Watching poll results
Worrying about the election
Spring cleaning
Went to the beach
Stuck
Joke Friday
An older man had met a younger woman, but unfortunately he was unable to last
very long before he would orgasm during sex. A caring man, he was concerned
that he was disappointing his new lover, so he called his doctor for advice.
The doc told him that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the hell, I'll try it."
He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do
it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized
his solution. On his way home, he pulled his truck over on the side of
the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if he was examining the truck.
Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate.
He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at the bottom of his pants.
Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?"
He heard, "This is the police. What the hell are you doing?"
The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted."
The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck
rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago.
Words
by will.i.am:
people say Obama's words are just words...
but...
when was the last time "words" weren't important...???...
when was the last time a great leader didn't use words to lead...??...
when was the last time a person didn't use words to describe how they felt...?...
when was the last time "words" weren't empowering...?...
and we can all recall the last time "words" were used to divide us and install fear...
Bush used words to fear us into voting for him the second time around...
terror this...
terror that...
nuclear here...
weapons of mass destruction there...
and those words effected a lot of people's choices...
"enough is enough"...
let's rebuild...
let's change ourselves...
let's allow positivity to guide us...
let's take action....
let's activate our passion...
we are Americans....
and this is the first time in forever that someone running for president represents "US"...
some say this is all excitement...
I call it "proud to be an American"...
some say this whole Obama movement is "cult like"...
well...
if it comes across cult like...
then...
the cult is called America...
the Obama movement is connecting America.
and it has made "US" realize our importance...
the youth is excited and activated...
adults are passionate and motivated...
the elderly are proud to know the country they built is in safe hands...
we are one...
for too long politics has been corrupt...
separate from the American people...
with agendas that go against what the American people "need"...
education...
health...
safety...
jobs
etc...
politicians have spoken a different language...
making it so the youth and poor people feel as if voting was only for the wealthy and old people...
making "US" feel as if "we" had no voice...
making "US" feel powerless...
making it feel like if "we" did vote it wouldn't change anything...
but wait...
that did happen...
some of us voted, and it didn't change anything...
we were in the dark...
we had no voice...
we were powerless...
because America was not a united America...
and "they" spoke a different language...
and they had an agenda different from our well being...
correct me if I'm wrong... or speak up if I'm missing something...
we want education, health, safety, and good jobs...right???...
oh yeah...
and "a healthy planet to live on"...
but here we are...
in a war... poor education... poor health programs... the dollar is down... the planet, polluted...
the rich, richer... and the poor, struggling...
with sky high gas prices to top it all off...
and now even the rich aren't really rich internationally because our dollar is has fallen so far down...
in our slumber... a very small few got really rich...
because when you're sleeping...
"it's hard to change agendas"...
we know what happened in 2000 and 2004...
but in 2008...
it's different...
we are awake...
and there is a movement...
and "it's hard to change a movement"...
last time "we" didn't have a movement...
America wasn't united...
and now "United and "Standing"...for something...
we know the power of "US"...
and we have a person who represents the "U.S."...
"US"...
"we are the ones we've been waiting for"...
I'm proud to be an American...
will.i.am
Joke Friday
A rich white guy in Georgia decided that he wanted to throw a party and invited all of his buddies and neighbors. He also invited Leroy, the token black guy in the neighborhood. He held the party around the pool in the backyard of his mansion. Everyone was having a good time drinking, dancing, eating shrimp, oysters and BBQ and flirting with the women.
At the height of the party, the rich white dude said, "I have a 10ft man-eating gator in my pool and I'll give a million dollars to anyone who has the balls to jump in."The words were barely out of the rich white dude's mouth when there was a loud splash and everyone turned around and saw Leroy in the pool!
Leroy was fighting the gator and kicking its ass! Leroy was jabbing the gator in the eyes with his thumbs, throwing punches, doing all kinds of shit like head butts and chokeholds, biting the gator on the tail and flipping the gator through the air like some kind of Japanese Judo Instructor. The water was churning and splashing everywhere. Both Leroy and the gator were screaming and raising hell. Finally Leroy strangled the gator and let it sink to the bottom like a K-Mart gold fish.
Leroy then slowly climbed out of the pool. Everybody was just staring at him in disbelief. Finally the rich white guy says, "Well, Leroy, I reckon I owe you a million dollars." No, that's okay. I don't want it.", said Leroy. The rich white dude said, "Man, I have to give you something. You won the bet. How about half a million bucks then?" "No thanks. I don't want it.", answered Leroy. The white dude said, "Come on, I insist on giving you something. That was amazing. How about a new Porsche and a Rolex and some stock options ?" The brother said no The confused rich white guy said, "Well, Leroy, then what do you want?"
Leroy said, "I want the name of the muthafucka who pushed me in the pool!"
Cathartic
cathartic, adjective
1. emotionally purging
2. emotionally purging (of e.g. art)
3. strongly laxative
Cathartic
Dras"tic\, Acting rapidly and violently; efficacious; powerful; -- opposed to bland; as, drastic purgatives. --
1. Having a tendency to loosen or relax. --Milton.
Ca·thar·sis –noun, 1. the purging of the emotions or relieving of emotional tensions, esp. through certain kinds of art, as tragedy or music.
2. Medicine/Medical. purgation.
3. Psychiatry. a. psychotherapy that encourages or permits the discharge of pent-up, socially unacceptable affects.
b. discharge of pent-up emotions so as to result in the alleviation of symptoms or the permanent relief of the condition.
A purifying or figurative cleansing of the emotions, especially pity and fear, described by Aristotle as an effect of tragic drama on its audience.
A release of emotional tension, as after an overwhelming experience, that restores or refreshes the spirit.
Psychology
A technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.
The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.
noun
1. (psychoanalysis) purging of emotional tensions
An experience of emotional release and purification, often inspired by or through art. In psychoanalysis, catharsis is the release of tension and anxiety that results from bringing repressed feelings and memories into consciousness.
Purgation.
A psychological technique used to relieve tension and anxiety by bringing repressed feelings and fears to consciousness.
The therapeutic result of this process; abreaction.
ab·re·ac·tion Audio Help /ˌæbriˈækʃən/ –noun Psychoanalysis. release of emotional tension achieved through recalling a repressed traumatic experience.
tr.v. ab·re·act·ed, ab·re·act·ing, ab·re·acts
To release (repressed emotions) by acting out, as in words, behavior, or the imagination, the situation causing the conflict.
ab're·ac'tion n.
noun
(psychoanalysis) purging of emotional tensions [syn: catharsis]
Function: noun
: the expression and emotional discharge of unconscious material (as a repressed idea or emotion) by verbalization especially in the presence of a therapist —compare CATHARSIS 2 —ab·re·act /-'akt/ verb