Dreams

Dreamt about that old brown Rambler, that I still have it - a reoccurring dream. What does it mean? Vestige of my past that I'm trying to hold on to? reclaim? reinvent myself again?

I bought that brown Rambler on the Vineyard - another one of my $500 specials. Had a lot of those. My first car was a Red Rambler - push button convertible that my uncle, who had a gas station in the Bronx, got for me. I thought i was very cool at college with that car. But back to the brown rambler - when i moved to the Boston area it was a liability - i was forever getting tickets til i finally got the boot - a huge metal contraption so you couldn't drive off til they eventually towed it away and impounded it. I remember I paid more than i paid for the car to get it out. I wanted them to just keep the car but they told me I'd still owe the money. Then when i moved in town and i didn't use the car much, cept on wkends to get out of town, i would invariably lose it. I literally would forget where i parked it after a week and have to go look for it. So I sometimes have this dream that i still have the car and i'm looking for it.

Did a search of "dreams" on my blog.

What strange/reoccurring dreams do you have??

Love/Hate

It's a love/hate relationship. I love my new IMac but i hate it too. I'm not comfortable - kind of like a new boyfriend. It's exciting but i miss all the old places i went with the old boyfriend.

But really, i feel like i don't know what the hell i'm doing - it's frustrating! and i'm not sure where anything is, how to do anything; not to mention what i've probably lost!!

On a positive note- i'm damn glad i'm at the end of the exhaustive search process. When the computer crashed and burned(got a virus/couldn't go online) on Jan. 15th. i spent the next wk. researching and shopping at Best Buy (i'm on a first name basis with some of those guys), Office Max (poor guy, i said i'd be back) and well at the Apple store i burned thru 3 guys there and had a mini meltdown the day i went to buy it. When i finally went to buy it - more decisions: IWork or Office, then whether to buy the "One to One ($100) for "private lessons" basically. I told the 1st guy that i probably never would use it, damn i've never joined a gym cause i know i'd never go. it's all i can do to get to work, keep my house from being condemned, drive my kid all over, etc. you get my drift, can't even do what i'm supposed to. well the 1st guy told me if my computer couldn't go online, they probably couldn't get my info. then when i went to buy it , the next guy told me well maybe they could and if they couldn't then they could get my info off the external hard drive. well at checkout someone overheard this conversation and said not they couldn't (after i bought the "one to one" mind you.)

oh i skipped the part when i had to decide between IWorks(pages) and Office (Word); after being told Works for $50 was all u needed vs. Office for $150; tho no one could really show me or offer any answers to my questions.

So, i get home that nite and proceed to go on my old computer, determined to save everything to the external hard drive and transfer it myself.

Well, lo & behold i started rooting around in Task Mgr. help menu and found all this info on Diagnostics and Restoring your computer from an earlier date and there was that dog with the waggin tail and Dr. ?? anyway where was all this stuff when i was trying to reboot. To make a very long story slightly shorter, i managed to restore, the desktop icons and the Start menu was back. I was very proud of myself and at 3AM went to bed.

So i decided the next morning (SA)to take the old computer and the new & have them do the transfer. I was tired of the whole thing and since i already purchased it.

So Sun. i grab a coffee and arrive back at the Apple Store (5th day in a row) to "Meet my new Mac". At the end of the presentation when i go to find my files is when i discover that my "writing" files have not been moved, but my sons- some of his 5th grade homework!!

ok i tell the guys, no big deal , i have it saved on the external drive at home. So i get home and my son & I set up and then transfer, well the external drive gets unplugged, knocked over in the middle, tho luckily I do transfer a "writing" file, before discovering that that drive is evidently dead too.

Did i tell u about how i almost cried? at the story when i was buying it, my eyes welled up, i asked for water, i couldn't take anymore?

Anyway next day off i'm setting up the old computer and i'm going to find those old files, damn it! and someday i'm going to love this new computer.

Similar posts: Computer Hell, *@#&$^($!!

we've got a little problem...

So, I've been avoiding this, not wanting to think about it, but last week I decided to glance at site meter (something that i used to do quite regularly - when i was obsessed with how many and who came here; then i guess i lost interest, didn't care, knew my small following and was satisfied/happy with them- you!

So there i was perusing who'd been on my site when i notice - someone from my town on for 78 mins. !! and it dawned on me, i'm blocked (my computer up here in den/computer room) - it must be my son - on the laptop downstairs! OMG!! what has he read that he shouldn't have?? my tasteless jokes? my rants and raves, my secrets!

so the next day i calmly called him in here and asked him, "so how did you like my blog?"

He knew he was caught and asked how i knew. I explained bout the sitemeter thing. Then i told him that it was like reading my diary. he said, i let you read my facebook. and i said, yea onece and then you blocked me.

i told him it was an invasion of privacy and i told him not to do it anymore.
So am i to believe that he won't? out of respect? out of knowing he'll get caught? or will he figure out a way around it?

and what do i do now? start one of those private, have to sign in blogs? be careful about what i post? which seems to defeat the purpose.

so what do i do??

Funk

I was working on a list of excuses why i haven't been blogging:

vaca or lack of
mulch
dog hit by car
too humid
this upstairs guest bedrm/den/computer room too damn hot to be in
uninspired/ i got nothing
sad/depressed (what else is new - go take your prozac woman). do i have to add schizophrenia now too?

and then everytime i came to my blog to get to your blogs i'd see those rocks and think:
my blog is on the rocks
my marriage is on the rocks
my teenager hates me one minute and thinks i'm funny/kinda cool briefly(very occasionally).
i hate my job
our pets heads are falling off (from dumb & dumber) nevermind
so excuses and guilt aside i think the one word title of this alleged post sums it up pretty good.
Now i wonder how many hits i will get from search engines thinking i typed in a slightly different word.

Sabbatical

Subtitle: I've lost that loving feeling.

Since this has been looking like an abandoned blog of late, I thought I would offer some sort of explanation (excuse)- i never did figure out how to do those clever dash throughs.
Well, first there was the mulching - i finally broke down and had some delivered after it finally stopped raining for 40 days and 40 nites. I hate mulch - i hate paying for it and i hate spreading it! and i still haven't finished spreading it!
Then there was just the doldrums i seemed to be in - why?? lack of summer weather - haven't even been to the beach yet this year! And still no plans for my vacation which starts tomorrow afternoon. Tho i've already had us to Las Vegas and the Grand Canyon and the Outer Banks in NC. When i found out it was 110 in Vegas and possibly Arizona too, not to mention the cost of the trip - i reconsidered. Then the 14 hr. drive to NC started weighing me down and the threat of more crazy weather in the East. So coming full circle in true RDL fashion we were back to our backyard- well the Cape - just a bit down the road a piece. Then came the brainstorm to finally get the wood floors refinished that are badly in need of it. I actually found a place that would rent to dog owners - it looked like a cute little beachy apt. over the garage in Wellfleet - a beautiful part of the Cape. The boys prefer mid cape and the resort place with pools and things to actually do. Just when we had settled on that plan, my dog got hit by a car(UPS truck) today! he's ok(scrapes) but suddenly the plan started unraveling. My brother-in-law finally got in touch and won't be available to dog sit the whole week. The weather appears to be continuing on it's non-summer like course so i am not disappointed at all that the plan fell thru. why pay $$ to stay at a place not as nice as mine(albeit the pool/resort atmosphere) in bad weather. So day/wkend trips it'll be then. Anybody got a place to rent?

Eight minus Jon or Kate

Ok I succumbed and watched them make a spectacle of themselves(oh yeah that's what they always do).
I called a friend to chat and she said she had to go cause her family wanted to watch "Jon & Kate +, so I joked, "ok tell them they've reached a new low".
I never really followed it (not a big fan of reality tv anyway) but the few times I caught some of it channel surfing - i always thought "that guy looks miserable - detached". So it was not much of a surprise to me when there was trouble in river city or PA.

So I hung up and decided to watch. I thought it was depressing (cept for the cute kids in their new play houses) and very repetitive. I kept wondering why they kept repeating things- to emphasize or fill the hour? I think those repeats should've been on the clipping floor/edited out not repeated.

I guess now it really is reality tv.
Personally I got some news of the same last night from someone in my family. They(the parents) also are going to move in & out and let the kid stay in the house and not have to shuttle between 2 houses. And another family member just split (separate abodes) last month. It seems to be becoming the norm. Ozzie & Harriet and The Cleavers seem like a hundred years ago now- oh it almost was!

Excuses, excuses

Yet more excuses for not blogging/posting/commenting lately:

Endless yard work
Dirty house
Baseball
Driving kids to the mall(movies)
Deck dilemma(old one falling down/design dilemma/material dilemma/$$$dilemma
+ need new bulkhead and to fix grading problem.
Making call for Obama
Obsession with MSNBC and the Democratic Campaign - (c'mon Hillary give it up- let's get on with it!)
Depression trying to rear it's ugly head and winning i think.
Getting ready(but not doing anything to get ready) to go to Washington DC on Friday
Trying to make plans for summer vacation but not getting anywhere with that
And last but not least down to one ailing computer - the kid broke the laptop (yup dropped it off his lap - well chair actually but it was on his lap before he put it on the chair).
This one here is 6 or 7 years old and is on it's 3rd life- having crashed 2 hard drives. Last nite one of the bright blue screens with white writing that spell doom & gloom appeared and luckily i am still here today.
Hopefully i will be back someday soon.

Mama never said ....

I went in today for what i thought was a "routine" test. It was for an ultrasound of my breast. I've been down this road before - being the lucky recipient of "dense" breasts ( not dumb/ thick? never mind) and also bearing a family history of breast cancer in my mother.

I've had 3 surgical biopsies - all benign thank g-d and 1 needle aspiration.
A few weeks ago i had my first breast MRI - now that was an experience - i thought for sure a man invented this machine, but i was told differently.
It was actually more comfortable than having a mammogram. But it surpassed the ridiculousness quota - instead of having your boobs smashed between two plates of Plexiglas while standing, you got to crawl up on this stretcher and lay on your belly with your boobs suspended in air through 2 holes in the table. then they push you into the machine and it makes alot of noise and then they inject some dye and it makes some more noise - no big deal.

But then i got the call to come in for an ultrasound and i thought "you got to be kidding me - i thought the MRI would trump an ultrasound any day; but evidently the MRI picks up on the "something" and then the Ultra/ultrasound goes and pinpoints it. That's where the trouble began - the very nice tech tells me she's "just going to get the Radiologist to look at it, "do i want a magazine?". No thanks, I'll just dwell on some other problems for awhile.

So in she comes,takes a look and tells me that there are these two areas of ?? a mass as in not a cyst that need to be biopsied and that they can do it right now. I shakily agree and the next thing i know this hypodermic of Novocaine is comin at me as i ask are they sure they don't have any Valium around here? I happen to glance at the clock - it's 2 o'clock - damn i forgot i'm supposed to pick up my son at his drum lesson at 2:30. They tell me the procedure won't be long and i know he's safe hanging outside the school waiting for me ( like i haven't been late before).
When it's over i call him and tell him to walk up to the library to wait for me, cause they're not through with me yet and i'm about 40 min. away.

I go out to the waiting area with my ice pack to sit with the other ladies in their johnny's. (someone definitely needs to redesign these babies ( how bout some velcro?)
Next they do a mammogram to check on these ? markers they left in there ( i wonder if i'm going to go off the next time i fly?) i guess they're for "in case" they have to go back in, find and take out what they biopsied.
I think i'm giving too much information here - too clinical. I better go look for the Tylenol.
Mama never said there'd be days like this. Poor mama.

I'm done...

headin to bed for a pre-dinner nap; it's cold, it's dreary, it's New England - it's Spring. I worked this morning then came home to meet the taxman. So I am not doing another thing except go get some takeout for dinner. I think i better start back on the Prozac; I am really getting tired of my bad mood. Wow, i think i've sunk to a new low - i just answered a survey on the phone - she sounded nice.
How bout you all, how's your day going?

Too angry for words

I walked around Disney contemplating  posts or at least titles and ideas but now this title says it all. I considered just posting the title but I will get back with more after I put out some fires and do that pile of laundry.  I do want to pick the winner of my contest below (contest now closed) but I'm having a little soiree (ladies jewelry party) tmrrw. nite and i must clean my house, cook! and work a 1/2 day tmrrw. or I would take the short (45 min.) drive to Patry's to get the winner's autographed copy.  I will pick/post the winner this weekend tho - promise. 

Manic Monday

Okay, let's see, how did this day go (i've been trying to forget since 5 o'clock)- pour me another glass of wine bartender. Well, the 1st patient tried my patients - she was just old ( i know, not kind - but you try doing this all day.) She even said, thanks for being so patient - see even she knew. i'd only been at work 25 min. and felt like i'd done 10 patients. I'm in no mood to recount the details so I will just skip to the last patient of the day - who really took the cake.

The SRB (spoiled rotten brat) came in with her mother with the complaint of not being able to see the blackboard. Oh, let me go back a minute to when i called them in and they were "shopping" in the optical shop before their exam. Long story short - she had almost perfect vision with a very slight optical error. So the doctor did not give her an Rx for glasses. I heard her complaining loudly at the desk on how "all of it looked blurry" or some such thing.
I wonder if it was coach or Calvin Klein that she had picked out.