Joke Friday


I want to live my next life backwards:

You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for college:: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.
Then in high school: do similar as college and prepare for primary

Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.

I rest my case.


Alexandra said...

ROTFL! Okay, I really, really want in on this plan, where can I sign up?

MB said...

Excellent!! This is one I will (no doubt butcher while trying to) repeat.

The Curmudgeon said...

I can see where it would have advantages.


I didn't forget & it's still Joke Friday. Here it is:

An old man in Phoenix calls his son in New York & says,"I hate to ruin your day, son, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing. Forty five years of misery is enough."

"Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams.

"We can't stand the sight of each other any longer, that's what I'm talking about," the old man says. "We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and you tell her."

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they're getting divorced,"she shouts,"I'll take care of this."

She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at the old man, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there.
I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" And she slams down the phone before the old man can say a word.

But the old man wasn't trying to say anything; he just smiled. He hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay, they're coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own fares."

rdl said...

alexandra - hope you didn't spit out yr. coffee.
mb - i think this is one i would print out and hand out.
curmudgeon - great joke, you shoula posted it for Thanksgiving.

ipanema said...

lol! :)


dakotablueeyes said...

heh heh that sounds like a master plan

Jona said...

This definitely sounds like a better deal! Except...having babies would be even more painful, ugh ;o)