St. Patricks Day Joke Friday


Paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up to heaven he said, "Lord take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of me life and give up me Irish Whiskey!"
Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
Paddy looked up again and said, "Never mind, I found one."

Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal, and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
The man said, "I do, Father."
The priest said, "Then stand over there against the wall."
Then the priest asked the second man, "Do you want to go to heaven?"
"Certainly, Father," was the man's reply.
"Then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
Then Father Murphy walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to Heaven?"
O'Toole said, "No, I don't Father."
The priest said, "I don't believe this. You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
O'Toole said, "Oh, when I die, yes. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."

Paddy was in New York
He was patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted, "Okay, pedestrians." Then he'd allow the traffic to pass. He'd done this several times, and Paddy still stood on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted, "Pedestrians!" for the tenth time, Paddy went over to him and said, "Is it not about time ye let the Catholics across?"

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"
"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.
He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"
"Just water," says the priest.
The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"
The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"

Walking into the bar, Mike said to Charlie the bartender, "Pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the little woman."
"Oh yeah?" said Charlie, "And how did this one end?"
"When it was over," Mike replied, "She came to me on her hands and knees.
"Really," said Charles, "Now that's a switch! What did she say?"
She said, "Come out from under the bed, you little chicken."

Flynn staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Mary.
He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
Managing not to yell, Flynn sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and began putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood.
He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his Way to bed.
In the morning, Flynn woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt
And Mary staring at him from across the room.
She said, "You were drunk again last night weren't you?"
Flynn said, "Why you say such a mean thing?"
"Well," Mary said, "it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.

Happy St. Patrick's Day !!!!


NoVA Dad said...

Those are great; can't wait to spring a few of them at the St. Pat's party we're attending tonight!!

rdl said...

Matt - Lucky you a St. Pat's party; the one i usual go to is off this yr. cause it's on a sat. and the host is in the restaurant biz. He's also from ireland and alot of fun so i'm rather disappointed. will have to go look for some fun elsewhere. enjoy!

Moof said...

Those are good! There were actually a few I'd never heard before!

It makes me think of an Irish priest I once knew who, during a retreat as the Espousal Center in Waltham, told us that he was so proud of the Irish because they were such great inventors! It was Irishmen, he said with pride, who invented the ejection seat for helicopters ... *cough*

I see their fame continues ... :o)

Thank you for the comment on my blog. I see that you're in MA ... I'm in southwestern ME. I hope that you're not getting all of the snow that we're getting at this very moment!

It's going to be a white St. Paddy's Day!

Be well!

Liquid said...

Hope you have a super St. Patricks day! Thanks for stopping in and commenting on my photo blog! I just read the last one you commented on and I am still laughing my "arse" off! LOL
The photo titled "Be Back Later" and your comment were perfect.....with one exception. THAT IS WHERE I, no kidding! When I latched the door behind me, simply so it would stay shut, I giggled. It was only to keep the animals and the wind out.
It is a photo of a camp on the Tombigbee River in Alabama. The more I think about this and the more I try to explain this to you, the harder I laugh. I have tears in my eyes you RDL, I soooo needed good laugh today! Thank you, again, and all this comes with serious attention, thank you for your contiued positive feedback! I really like this blog of yours and I'm headed back in to ponder more. That is when I can stop laughing and see agian! :)
Hope you have a super and safe day and evening!

~Suzanne I am screaming laughing, and no I am not high!
My "word" for verification is....
That is exactly in Alabama where I was! BUNFWK, ALABAMA
Ah hahahahahahahahahahahahahaah
I gotta get out of here before I explode!

rdl said...

moof- nice to see ya here fellow new englander- it's nice and mucky here - ice & snow.
liquid - you've got me lol too!! :D