10 years ago
Quote
Youth is, after all, just a moment, but it is the moment, the spark, that you always carry in your heart.
~ Raisa M. Gorbachev quotes
Joke Friday
A very thirsty guy realizes that he's just walked into a gay bar. He thinks, "What the hell, I really want a drink."
A gay waiter swishes up to him and says, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer is shocked and says, "Look, I'm just not into that. All I want is a drink."
The waiter winks at him and says, "I'm sorry, honey, but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis."
So the customer says, "All right, what's the name of YOUR penis?"
The waiter replies, "Well I call mine Timex, because it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin."
So the guy thinks about it for a couple of minutes and still can't come up with anything. So he asks the guy next to him his dick's name.
"I call mine Ford, because it's built ram tough. Have you driven a Ford lately?"
The customer thinks for a moment and says, "The name of my penis is Secret."
"Secret?" says the waiter, confused.
The customer says, "Yeah... strong enough for a man, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
Joke Friday
I booked into a hotel and said to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."
"No," she says, "it's regular porn, you sick bastard."
Joke Friday
Paul Newman
Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this.... True story. (If you don't understand this, tell your mother, she'll get it!)
A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small New England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited.
One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone.
She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor.
There was only one other patron in the store:
Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee.
The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes.
The actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely.
Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three children, you're forty-five years old, not a teenager!
The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction.
When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty.
Where's my ice cream cone? Did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something! No ice cream cone was in sight..
With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman.
His face broke into his familiar,warm,friendly grin and he said to the woman,
'You put it in your purse.'
Joke Friday
A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.
'You all have obsessions,' he observed.
To the first mother, Mary, he said, 'You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.'
He turned to the second Mom, Ann: 'Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny.'
He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: 'Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child's name, Brandy.'
At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, 'Come on, Dick, we're leaving. Your brothers Peter and Willy are waiting for us.'
The Editor
in me is having fun here in my drafts file - fun deleting all these old drafts - down to 15 and, probably not even half of them will see the light of day. It's funny but i do think that this might've been the job for me. Lots of times after movies i walk out thinking what they could've cut to make it better; and in books too, sometimes i think of a better ending or how they could've made things more beliveable or a character more likeable.
Yes, I think I would've liked having a red pen in my hand or being surrounded by what was left on the cutting floor.
(I'm waiting for an interview for a pt-time job at the local rag for editorial assisant-keep your fingers crossed.)
update: I received an email stating that they would be conducting interviews after Thanksgiving - but i never even got the interview- I did receive an email stating that the position had been filled. No cigar!
Sunday Sampler
Blog pick of the week: Lorna in wonderland ( I very much enjoy her wonderful wry humor).
Well, i'm off again on the great sofa/sectional hunt (wish me luck - i will need it!) -the ole champagne taste/beer budget thing. Can't imagine what it would be luck to just walk in and say i'll take that one." hey, but no thrill of the chase (who am i kidding- no headache). I want leather but afraid of this inexpensive Bicast leather that i'm considering- will it last??
Yippee!! I did it again!(3rd year running)! Nablopomo is over today - no more posting every day! - now i can just sit on my couch (if i get one).
Joke Friday
ITALIAN Women are TOUGH!
An elderly Italian man lay dying in his bed. While suffering the agonies of impending death, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite ravioli wafting up the stairs.
He gathered his remaining strength, and lifted himself from the bed.
Gripping the railing with both hands, he crawled downstairs.
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen, where if not for death's agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven, for there, spread out upon waxed paper on the kitchen table were hundreds of his favorite ravioli.
Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of love from his wife of sixty years, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?
He threw himself towards the table, landing on his knees in a crumpled posture.
His parched lips parted, the wondrous taste of the ravioli was already in his mouth.
With a trembling hand he reached up to the edge of the table, when suddenly he was smacked with a wooden spoon by his wife.
'You Jerk!' she said.
'Those are for the funeral.'
Happy Turkey Day!
A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm.
He stopped and asked the boy, 'Where did you get that turkey?
The boy replied, 'What turkey?'
The game warden said, 'That turkey you're carrying under your arm.'
The boy looks down and said, 'Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!'
The game warden said, 'Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so whatever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you.
If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?'
And the little boy said... 'I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!'
May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!
(Thanks P.)
Manic Monday
Due to technical difficutlties this post is going to be short and to the point since the only reason that i am posting is because of this damn nablopomo. I am dead tired - i only got 3 or 4 hrs. sleep last nite since i woke up at 2AM I managed to muddle thru 8 hrs. of work. but the mouse in the den is not working so i'm on the laptop which i don't really like unless i'm on vacation and since it's like 30 degrees out i don't think i'm on vacation. And thedamn hi-tech lights over the kitchen island went out tonite too. i'm feeling especially technically challanged; so instead of getting freaked out about all this stuff that i need to get fixed, i'm going to bed.
Sunday Sampler
This weeks blog pick of the week: Just Painting - Go visit this wonderful painter.
Just in from Jordan's furniture and my head is about to explode. I am totally perplexed by the leather choices out there. i don't want the best or most expensive leather; i just want durable and affordable; oh and available in a sectional configuration. any suggestions greatly appreciated.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
