Bah humbug

in



As usual a day late and a dollar short, I started this on Valentines Day but never finished it - what a surprise.

Ok I admit, I'm not that sentimental (tho I do have the hair from my son's first haircut) and I have saved some special cards and art work and school papers (lest you think me a cold hearted hannah.) So hold the card just hand over the chocolate, and no one gets hurt.

First, am I supposed to be touched that you stood in front of a rack of cards with a bunch of other people trying to find something written by another person to express your sentiments? and secondly - you just don't know how I hate standing in front of those racks with all those other people, reading card after card, none of which fit my sentiments. Ok Dr. Phil I will admit that maybe the problem does not lie herein(the card rack) but within me. Yes I admit it, take me away, throw me in the dungeon and throw away the key. I can't bear looking at valentines when none of the sentiments express what I'm feeling - which by the way as i've hinted is not sentimental, not good, because my suppossed marraige is a mess. What to do, what to do? go to counseling? separately/together and hope we like the counselor, that we click, that he or she can fix what is broke? or as i remember hearing Howard Stern(the talk show host not Anna Nicole's boyfriend/husband)explain that going to a marraige counselor was the worst thing he ever did, like pouring salt on a wound. Here you go and tell/say everything you've always been afraid to and then there it's out in the open and you can't take it back. well that was the gist of it anyway and i can totally relate because a year & 1/2 ago I did finally blurt something out to my husband, sitting in the car in a parking lot outside a lawyers office (to fix a problem between himself and the mother of his daughter (who was now living at out house because she walked out of her mother's house because she hated her stepfather - but that's another story.) The "D" word came out and let's just say he was in agreement with me. We then had to go into the lawyers office to settle the problem we were there for.

The next day we sat down with paper & pencil and actually tried to figure out if we could afford to separate, which was of course ridiculous as we can't even make ends meet together. We agreed to stay together til after the holidays and the kids were settled in school and the other situation was resolved. A year & 1/2 later, step-daugher is at College, another X-mas has come and gone and we are still no closer to a resolution. That is my sad little Valentines Day story.

6 comments:

Gnightgirl said...

I'm just one person, but hon, I've been where you are. I was reticent of a counselor too, until a friend "made" me go. She told me to walk right in there and tell the counselor "I can't move forward." I did, and it was the best thing I've ever done for myself.

(My husband refused to go. If he had, we might still be together. His choice.) Still, we lived together for 4 months after the divorce was final, til I could get on my feet. Stressful.

I ache for you, and hope things work out for the best!

Amishlaw said...

gnightgirl is a wise woman. Listen to her. I know where you're coming from with the Hallmark cards. I agree totally, but the people around me don't, so I buy and give cards.

Matt said...

I really don't have anything useful that I could add to this, other than my prayers for you.....

rdl said...

Thanks guys. I was thinking I should take it down but I guess i'll just try and find something less depressing to post about.

Patry Francis said...

sending you love.

Marewheeee said...

{{{{{rdl}}}}}
We don't really do Valentines Day either and I agree that these forced occasions are ..... well forced on us.
Love you guys, especially my little 'kugel'