Mama never said ....

I went in today for what i thought was a "routine" test. It was for an ultrasound of my breast. I've been down this road before - being the lucky recipient of "dense" breasts ( not dumb/ thick? never mind) and also bearing a family history of breast cancer in my mother.

I've had 3 surgical biopsies - all benign thank g-d and 1 needle aspiration.
A few weeks ago i had my first breast MRI - now that was an experience - i thought for sure a man invented this machine, but i was told differently.
It was actually more comfortable than having a mammogram. But it surpassed the ridiculousness quota - instead of having your boobs smashed between two plates of Plexiglas while standing, you got to crawl up on this stretcher and lay on your belly with your boobs suspended in air through 2 holes in the table. then they push you into the machine and it makes alot of noise and then they inject some dye and it makes some more noise - no big deal.

But then i got the call to come in for an ultrasound and i thought "you got to be kidding me - i thought the MRI would trump an ultrasound any day; but evidently the MRI picks up on the "something" and then the Ultra/ultrasound goes and pinpoints it. That's where the trouble began - the very nice tech tells me she's "just going to get the Radiologist to look at it, "do i want a magazine?". No thanks, I'll just dwell on some other problems for awhile.

So in she comes,takes a look and tells me that there are these two areas of ?? a mass as in not a cyst that need to be biopsied and that they can do it right now. I shakily agree and the next thing i know this hypodermic of Novocaine is comin at me as i ask are they sure they don't have any Valium around here? I happen to glance at the clock - it's 2 o'clock - damn i forgot i'm supposed to pick up my son at his drum lesson at 2:30. They tell me the procedure won't be long and i know he's safe hanging outside the school waiting for me ( like i haven't been late before).
When it's over i call him and tell him to walk up to the library to wait for me, cause they're not through with me yet and i'm about 40 min. away.

I go out to the waiting area with my ice pack to sit with the other ladies in their johnny's. (someone definitely needs to redesign these babies ( how bout some velcro?)
Next they do a mammogram to check on these ? markers they left in there ( i wonder if i'm going to go off the next time i fly?) i guess they're for "in case" they have to go back in, find and take out what they biopsied.
I think i'm giving too much information here - too clinical. I better go look for the Tylenol.
Mama never said there'd be days like this. Poor mama.