Joke Friday

Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the
University of Phoenix:

The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write
the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner
that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will
read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back-and-forth.

Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you w ish to say must be
written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:

Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY:

(first paragraph by Rebecca)

At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.

(second paragraph by Gary)

Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Lau rie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S . Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.

(Rebecca)

He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

(Gary)

Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two
hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimp eded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie.

(Rebecca)

This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.

(Gary)

Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed
bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

(Rebecca)

Asshole.

(Gary)

Bitch

(Rebecca)

F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL.

(Gary)

Go drink some tea - whore.

(TEACHER)

A+ - I really liked this one.