Theme: RED
You can get the t-shirt here
9 years ago
Joke Friday
THE NUN....
A nun is chatting with her Mother Superior. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it," says the young nun.
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder nun.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," answers the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?"
"Well, no" says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"And THAT is surely when you swore?" says the amazed Mother.
"No, not yet." she answers. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asks Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No...the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole!"
The two nuns are silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighs, "You missed the f______ putt, didn't you?
I've got nothing
Been looking for a meme to do. Really just want to crawl in bed and read (Kite Runner).
I did find a 5 weird/random facts meme going around the blogosphere but I already did a 10 weird facts one back in April , I could've just cheated and used 5 of those. Thank g-d Nablopomo is over tomorrow! and thankfully tomorrow is Joke Friday; so come back tomorrow when i have something.
sgtrane
Hwo the barin wrkos
This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Manic Monday
I hate Mondays. It starts on Sunday - i feel like i really can't enjoy Sunday knowing that i have to go to work the next day. Sometimes i even have trouble sleeping, thinking about the next day.
But today really wasn't bad at all, not manic by any means; really rather tame. No irate, irritating patients, no employees having a meltdown and other than my nagging dry cough that necessitated my having to suck on a lot of cough drops it was rather a pleasant Monday. Let's keep our fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Black Friday, Saturday and Sunday
World class shopper that I am, I am even tired of it already. I'm almost done though and I did save some $$, so I guess it was worth it. But like every year, I just can't wait til it's over. Speaking of over, five more days til Nablopomo is over! and not soon enough. Can't wait to go back to my slacker ways.
Photohunter
This weeks theme: Hot
The dried hot chile peppers on my pizza. And the not very hot looking flames of my gas stove.
Joke Friday
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Evidently I just cook once a year
I don't have many cookbooks because I don't really like to cook much. I do have this one, though that I've had- well let's just say a really long time. While doing my Thanksgiving prep i decided to get the sweet potato dish out of the way. Problem being i wasn't really sure how to make "candied sweet potatoes". In the past i've made this mashed version with marshmellows ( hope the boy doesn't notice i've gone and switched up the recipe).
This is my mom's recipe but the problem is, well mom wasn't much of a cook either and all i remember of her recipe is the can of yams and maple syrup and brown sugar.
So out comes my "Everything Cookbook" (seriously, that is the name of it.) I look up candied sweet potatoes and commence to make them. Later i go to mark the page with this nice piece of ribbon that is attaced to the book so that i can finish in the morning and I glance at the page that I last marked - Turkey Gravy.
Time to make the biscuits.
Happy Thanksgiving !!!!
Manic Monday
Okay, let's see, how did this day go (i've been trying to forget since 5 o'clock)- pour me another glass of wine bartender. Well, the 1st patient tried my patients - she was just old ( i know, not kind - but you try doing this all day.) She even said, thanks for being so patient - see even she knew. i'd only been at work 25 min. and felt like i'd done 10 patients. I'm in no mood to recount the details so I will just skip to the last patient of the day - who really took the cake.
The SRB (spoiled rotten brat) came in with her mother with the complaint of not being able to see the blackboard. Oh, let me go back a minute to when i called them in and they were "shopping" in the optical shop before their exam. Long story short - she had almost perfect vision with a very slight optical error. So the doctor did not give her an Rx for glasses. I heard her complaining loudly at the desk on how "all of it looked blurry" or some such thing.
I wonder if it was coach or Calvin Klein that she had picked out.
How Mary got her groove back
except for the bad hair day and no heat. Went to visit my friend, Mary (on the right), at her annual open studio at her new studio today. A great example of when life hands you lemons - make lemonade. She had to vacate her much loved studio space earlier this year (kicking and screamin) but she landed on her feet. Way to go Marewheeeeeeeeee!!!
Joke Friday
Womens Fantasy: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away fromhim. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring,the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the palm of the young mans hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
Meme oh meme
Oh G-d my blog is starting to look like a set of those days of the week underwear: Manic Monday, Existential Tuesday, Haiku Wednesday, Meme Thursday, Joke Friday, Photohunt Sat. and Weekend Update/Inspirational Sunday. What have I done??!!
Well thank goodness we are halfway there (to Nablopomo being over).
No meme for you today but a couple of cute blog tests - go take them and report back.
My Bloginality is ENTP!!!
Don't bother clicking on the above logo since I am hopeless at this html stuff and can't get it to work, here is the link to the blog readability test.
Haiku Wednesday
Vanquished
those storybook tales
they can't be duplicated
young girl's dream vanquished
Exitstential Tuesday
Day 13, how many more to go?
Maybe need to go pull up the exitentialist barstool for some new material. Well now is my chance, my boy is off an his 8th grade trip til Fri. (An outing is planned for Thurs. nite to a Chinese restaurant with Jazz music with an old friend - i'll report back.)
Thinking back on Manic Monday - which was rather tame - two patients come to mind:
One noticed that I was a lefty and we had a nice "lefty" discussion.
The other woman, when taking her medical history and i got to the tobacco & alcohol ??'s ,
answered ,"Vodka & Cranberry, but on Sun. my husband makes me a double bourbon manhattan- that's how i know what day it is. "
Quote of the day
"I like a good melodrama. People look down on it now, but I love that genre. A good melodrama is primal, intense stuff. It can be the stuff of life." Sidney Lumet
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