I've thought of several titles for this post; in hesitation of writing about it. Let's see there was : eye opener and well, frankly i've forgotten the others but I'm still trying to stall as I don't really know how to write about tonite; perhaps I should wait til tomorrow and let it settle; but now that wouldn't be fair now, would it. Ok so today my son and I went food shopping for the dinner we were providing that nite for the homeless staying at our temple this week. They stay a week at different places of worship all winter. Last night we went and collected baked goods from Au bon pain, that they otherwise would have thrown out ( mindboggling i said ,as we drove home, when people in other parts of the world go without food). Then today I prepared the food as my son played with a friend til I said it was time for us to deliver the food. He helped me load it in the car and off we went to deliver our food , or so we thought. There are 2 chaperones a night. When we got there we were met by the Rabbi who told us the men were being transported there from another screening church and that the chaperones would be there soon. We chatted for a few minutes while we unloaded the bags of food. As we unpacked and prepared I saw him talking to a man who I recognized. He walked over and introduced us. I said I remember you, you liked my father so much. He smiled in recognition and said, "oh yes, i remember, i enjoyed him so much. This man was a member of the church that housed the temple that we used to belong to; that is until i met the Rabbi of our present temple. I told this nice man, Fred, that the Rabbi had done my father's memorial service and Fred said, oh I'm sorry I hope everyone is okay. I remember how kind he was to my father, hanging on his every word - so respectful.
Carrase- (a made up word by Kurt Vonnegut in Cat's cradle, must dig that book out and read it again)- it means - the people that you are supposed to meet in your life. How apprepro, always loved that word. I think it even translates to us bloggers - the bloggers you are supposed to meet. Blarrase??
Seems i've managed to get off track here and since there is more to tell, but I'm ready for my shower and pajamas, I promise I will finish tomorrow; let's just hope I can remember.
A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde. The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It's golf balls." Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, deeply thinking about what he had said. After several minutes, not being able to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
Well it seems that I am one to go to extremes. I went from posting daily for a month ( Nanoblopomo) to practically abandoning my blog (cept for Joke Friday - that, it appears I am committed to). I have as many excuses as days in the week. My arms and Christmas having been the top contenders.
With New Years just around the corner, I've already begun thinking of those damn resolutions ( that I refuse to make, because I never keep them) but i silently think of them anyway- so to get it out of the way early - here goes:
1)Eat less/better (stop buying anything but coffee at Dunkies!).
2) Exercise more (especially those damn arm exercises).
3) Read more
4) Write more
5) Practice piano
6) Get to those photo albums. (or at least get an external hard drive to put them on so I don' t lose them, next time the computer decides to crash).
7) Finish unfinished projects ( that could take the remainder of the year).
8) Keep in touch with old friends more.
9) See local friends more.
10) Laugh more.
I'm sure there are more that I can add(like be a better person, complain less, do more) but 10 seems like a good number so i'll stop here.
Holiday Eating Rules
1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!
3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.
4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5 Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have SOME standards.
10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner. Remember this motto to live by: "Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one
hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, man what a
ride!!!
Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly
gates.
"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess
something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."
The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He
flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.
The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.
The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally
pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what
do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."
And So The Holiday Season Begins
i know you nice folks are probably sick of hearing about my stupid arm(s) and since it's not good for it to be typing and I can still use the mouse on my right, I think i will just visit you all today. Hmm, yea, bu what about comments - well maybe short ones are ok.
I got some hot sauce on my hand from dinner(Thai take-out) tonight and it's now in my eye. So instead I'm going to go rinse my eye and ice my everlovin(G-d damn)arm and call it a night.
A biker was riding along a California beach when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The biker pulled over and said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can ride over anytime I want."
The Lord said, "Your request is materialistic... think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural reso urces. I can do it, but it is
hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."
The b iker thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, and how I can make this woman truly happy."
The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
1)You believe in Santa Claus
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus
3) You are Santa Claus
4) You look like Santa Claus
I think I got that right. Saw it on the blackboard at work and since I've got nothing here (no motivation) I thought I'd share that. Now I'm going to bed; Xmas is hard work!
I want to live my next life backwards:
You start out dead and get that out of the way.
Then you wake up in an old age home feeling better every day.
Then you get kicked out for being too healthy.
Enjoy your retirement and collect your pension.
Then when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.
You work 40 years until you're too young to work.
You get ready for college:: drink alcohol, party, and you're
generally promiscuous.
Then in high school: do similar as college and prepare for primary
school.
Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, and you
have no responsibilities.
Then you become a baby, and then...
You spend your last 9 months floating peacefully in luxury, in spa-like
conditions - central heating, room service on tap, and then...
You finish off as an orgasm.
I rest my case.
Black Eyed Peas-Let's get it Started (Live)
Is that a big sigh of relief or a big whoop i hear starting across the Blogworld?
Yea yes, we did it!!
Drinks all around! Pass the salsa please.
U2 & Green Day - The Saints are Coming
Here is the music and picture that should've gone with yesterday's post. When I saw the video for the first time tonite I thought of how the planes in it reminded me of the birds that I saw yesterday.
I had one of those moments today - not sure what the right word for it is so I will just tell you what happened. I was checking out at the counter of this shop that sells alot of X-masey stuff, when I mentioned to the cashier that this year we finally broke down and bought a fake tree. She replied that she hadn't celebrated XMas for 2 years-since her 17 year old grandson died on Dec. 10th 2 years ago; but she said that she was going to, because the other night she woke up with a start when she saw him at the end of her bed and he all he said was, "It's time."
I said, I was sorry and since I frequent this store from time to time for candles and stuff, I suddenly had a deja vu - i really think she had told me this before - maybe last year. It made me glad that I was in a chatty mood and talked to her and that we had this exchange - again. I could've been my sometimes (frequent) sullen self and missed this opportunity.
I was thinking about this when I got in my car and started to drive to pick up my son at school. The radio was playing the new U2/Greenday song - The Saints are Coming ( I love this song) and I looked up in the darkening sky and there was this flock of birds moving in swirls of movement, almost as if with the song. And suddenly it reminded me of my father and his death at this time of year 2 years ago. I remember sitting on my window seat the day after he died and talking to a good friend from Pittsburgh about his passing and suddenly noticing alot of bird activity in my back yard and commenting to my friend that normally I wouldn't be sitting there at this time of day and how I felt like time had slowed and made me notice things more with his passing. That year at Christmas when I opened the box with the gifts she always sends to the kids and me, there was this pretty glass bird ornament. I couldn't remember the exact date of his death in the car today. I just knew it was after Thanksgiving.
When I got home today I came on here to see. I wrote this last year on the one year anniversary of my father's death - November 28, 2004.
Can't wait for the big sigh of relief on Thursday = the last day of Nanoblopomo/short for I must be completely insane. Yup starting Fri. (oh yeah- Joke Friday/make that Saturday), I can go back to my slacker ways.
thanks to Ipanema I found this funny cartoon site and decided I should do my Sunday Blog pick of the week: drumroll please~~~~~~~~~~~ it's Ipanema from Under the Canopy.
Can't get my site to load! What's up with that. I guess I will spend the day trying to figure it out. Damn Blogger!! Help!!
Maybe i jinxed myelf but #25 on the list is insomnia. Insomnia secondary to pain in the arm(elbow). Or is the insomnia secondary to depression, or is the depression secondary to arm pain. Heading to kitchen for ice and cereal. Lame as it may be, at least I got today's post out of the way. I know I need an attitude adjustment. Don't feel like a drink, but I would kill for a pain pill.
And don't anyone say it's my own damn fault for waiting to the last minute - that's just what I do. I've never had this happen to me before and I have a long history of shopping late on the eve of holidays and today I went early(maybe that's where i went wrong - shoulda waited and I coulda snuck out for a drink along with the shopping- as i have met friends from work in the past). Anyway it was only 1:00 and they were damn near out of Birds!!! They said they'd be getting some in soon. Deninition "Soon" please; anyway this nice lady dug one up, only problem was, it is puny - only 9&1/2 lbs. I usually get 12-14. But there's only 6 of us, so it'll probably do. I just called the store and they got them in. So do I run back and exchange the bird?? P. I can hear you laughing/ you will probably be the only one to appreciate this post since you know my history.
Well, I've got to start peeling and cleaning so I'll keep you posted on the bird.
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
Bird update: after much deliberation I went back finally- there were only a couple of birds left; only 12 pounders - but it seems way better - not looking like the 90 lb. weakling at the beach. Now if those vegetables would only peel themselves.
e‧piph‧a‧ny [i-pif-uh-nee]
–noun, plural -nies. 1. (initial capital letter) a Christian festival, observed on January 6, commemorating the manifestation of Christ to the gentiles in the persons of the Magi; Twelfth-day.
2. an appearance or manifestation, esp. of a deity.
3. a sudden, intuitive perception of or insight into the reality or essential meaning of something, usually initiated by some simple, homely, or commonplace occurrence or experience.
4. a literary work or section of a work presenting, usually symbolically, such a moment of revelation and insight.
[Origin: 1275–1325; ME epiphanie < LL epiphanīa < LGk epipháneia, Gk: apparition, equiv. to epi- epi- + phan- (s. of phaínein to appear) + -eia -y3] 
First, answers to yesterdays quiz
1) b.
2) a book, earliest form The Romans made them so they didn't have to carry their scrolls with them.
Movie Review: Keeping up with the Steins was cute and a little funny but really more cute. I liked the Grandfather the best. The kid was good, no really good. The mother was likeable, the father ok and the Grandmother, the mother from Everybody loves Raymond, well i just kept thinking, no she's Raymond's mom and she's Italian. As I said the Grandfather was the best and the most believable(is he Jewish? - he sure seemed like the real McJew) And Daryl Hannahs still looks and acts exactly the same -cute and ditzy.
Since I don't want to give the ending away, I'll just say that I'm glad they did the right thing.
We gave it two thumbs up over here.
Blog pick of the week: Alexandra over at The Write stuff.
Today was supposed to be Haiku Saturday I think, but the problem is I'm a little fuzzy from over imbibing last night at my friend, Mary's, open house for open studios. I don't know how many of those dixie cups of wine I had. I'm sure it was that red one that did me in tho or the fact that I didn't have dinner, just chips and dip and olives and cheese. Fun wandering in and out of artist spaces and viewing their work, and there even was some music. An enjoyable evening, maybe just a little too enjoyable.
So I was reading an interesting article from the Living Arts section of the Globe tonite over take out dinner and came up with this short quiz for you:
1. How many surviving books in the "John Adams Unbound colletion"?
a) 370
b) 3700
c) 1800
d) 4800
2. What is a codex? (This one is not a mulitple choice). But I will give you one clue - it's from Roman times.
Ok I'm going to watch "Keeping up with the Steins".
See you tomorrow with the answers and maybe a movie review.
How to handle a husband
A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beaches in Montego Bay, Jamaica.
Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town.
People would say, "What a peaceful & loving couple".
The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.
The Husband replied: "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon, in Arizona, and took a trip, down to the bottom of the canyon, by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and quietly said, "That's once."
"We proceeded a little further and horse stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, "That's twice."
"We hadn't gone a half-mile when the horse stumbled for the third time. My wife quietly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the horse dead.
I SHOUTED at her, "What's wrong with you, Woman! Why did you shoot the poor animal like that Are you crazy? She looked at ME, and quietly said, "That's once."
"And from that moment.....we have lived happily every after."
Yeah, finally some good news!
I'm heading to the store now.
And hear(yes i meant to spell it that way) is another interesting find.
Ok, back in the good ole days on hump Wednesday we would head for the bar- ah the neighborhood bar. In Boston I figured out early on that everyone did not head to "where everyone knows your name" but to the closest place to imbibe. Literally if you worked in a restaurant, you would go to the nearest bar to yours and if you worked in a hospital you would go to the bar across the street. When I worked in the bar business, we did in fact go to the closest watering hole, even the one you worked in, if you could get away with that. And when I worked in the hospital, yup right across the street - closest one. Tonite, right out of my fridge - Pinot Grigio - not as interesting as in Boston. C'est la vie. Cheers!
Day 14 and feeling like the guy in the desert with the mirage. Need water, must write. But I just finished doing homework (7th grade is hard!),dinner,dishes and sweeping up sawdust! The job was only supposed to take 4-6 hrs.; theoretically it shoulda been done on Saturday. Tuesday here, 9:05 PM and I'm still hearing drills and breathing in sawdust. Well #14 on the list was ranting and raving; now for the Tues.existential question: why does it always take/cost 3 times as long/much as they say?
And House has already started!
Actually it really wasn't for once. It's Academy and a lot of the docs were at that. I wish I was, it's in Las Vegas and my cousin is there,lucky girl is married to the doc not working for him like her poor cousin. No interesting patients to write about today and I can't find the draft of an old one. I guess this is what happens when you have more than 300 posts, the old drafts go somewhere, get eaten or something.
So I will tell you about my favorite piece of equipment at work instead. There is only one, as I am tired to death of using most of them and they aggravate my tendonitis- must try and use my left hand more(you would think this would be easy for a lefty). Ok, so it's the doctor's stool- you know those little black stools the doc sits on at eye exams. Well I sit on one at the desk, while I take the history and find out why the patient is there, after I've taken their vision and refracted them (which I can do sitting but more often I stand), I roll back on my stool and grab the slit lamp table and pull it over to the patient. Yes that is it folks, sad but true, the most exciting part of my job - my dear ole doctor's stool.
Footnote: reason I couldn't find that old draft was because it was an old post.
Here it is Sunday and here I am with my list of excuses(pictures) again. These are the pictures that should've been in yesterdays post. So why is it when you have work done in your house it always takes twice as long and costs twice as much as they say? and why do you never seem to remember this well known fact til you're breathing in the sawdust?
I was just going to take a picture to show you why I'm not writing a post today but my digital is dead. I wonder if I left the camara on after I took that shot of the Citgo sign yesterday when we were stopped at a light - I think it came out pretty good considering I took it through the windshield.
So I am officially on strike today - not consulting the list or looking in the draft folder (I was wondering how long it would take before I rebelled.)I worked too damn hard today, running here and there(3 trips to Loews!!), so I'm going to get me a cold beer or glass of wine and maybe even some food. Hope you other Nanoblopomoers (did i spell that right?- and i haven't even had the wine yet) are doin better than me with this posting every damn day(grumble,grumble). Cheers!
No Nursing Home for Me
About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western
Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting
alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also
noticed that all the staff, ships officers,waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed
very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting
to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had
been on board for the last four cruises,back-to-back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say
hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the
last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't
understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".
So, there will be no nursing home in my future.
When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The
average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on
reservations on a Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:
1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.
2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant,
or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast-in-bed every day
of the week).
3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.
4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.
5.They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5
worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling
to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.
7. T.V. broken? Light bulbs need changing? Need to have the mattress
replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.
8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.
9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if
you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite
for the rest of your life.
Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America,the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
P S: And don't forget, when you die, they just
dump you over the side -- at no charge.
Was going to skip the words today, thought the pictures could stand alone, and still do; but thinking I owe an explanation, here it is: Well, i didn't like #9 one lump or two (actually stolen from dinky's - should really ask her what it means - maybe she'll post on it.) And - here it is Thurs. - Homework day - do i have it done - No, of course not. Why? it's Thurs. and my show(Grey's) is on- yeah! These are from a recent trip to Boston.
Later.
#8 on the list: Blatently copy or imitate from the blogosphere and give credit of course.
Even tho I wasn't tagged - i tagged myself - looking for a post possibility. Found this meme over at Alexandra's (evidently she is the meme queen).
1. Grab the nearest book. If you are currently reading something, that’ll be fine too.
2. Open the book to page 123.
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the text of the next 4 sentences on your Blog along with these instructions.
5. Don’t you dare dig for that “cool” or “intellectual” book in your closet I know that is what you were thinking!
6. Tag 5 people.
The sad but true results: The closest book to me was "On Writing Well" by William Zinsser. 5th sentence was boring. note - return to library.
Ok I'm okay with cheating a little so I look up for the next closest book to me and there is "The Little Prince" by Antoine de Saint Exupery, that i found in a box of books one sleepless night. Poetic justice: There is no page 123; there's only 111 pages in the book!
ok i'm going for the first coolest book i see up on the shelf above the desk and it's "Zen and the Art of Writing" by Ray Bradbury.
Poetic justice again? There is no page 122 - blank page, page 123 is just a title, no fifth sentence here, next real page is page 125.
Ok, I'm tired of this meme and not wanting to push my luck and get struck by lightening or something on my next try I'm passing it on to any and all takers. Leave a comment or link if you do; hope you have better results.
Ok, day 7- deep breathe - i think i can , i think i can. Let's consult the damn list: Day 7- post from a saved draft(s). Well now, let's looks at the Plan - today is Tuesday - Existential angst/lunch. Well Mercury must not be retrograde, the stars must be aligned. I have a saved draft about lunch.
Prompt: Lunchtime memory from when you were little:
In Grammer school(that's what we called Grade school - grade K-8 in NJ) we went home at lunchtime. Sometimes my mother would get creative and the plate would have celery and olives that made a smiley face. I remember tunafish sandwiches on white bread, cut on the diagonal and a steamy bowl of cream of tomato soup with Ritz crackers on the side, ready to crumble in.
On the way back to school I would sometimes stop in the corner candy store for some penny candy. Sometimes if i had a nickel, i would wait til after school to stop in and get a milkyway or three musketeers. Once in awhile I would get a skybar - eating the favs first or saving best for last. I liked the vanilla best then carmel, chocolate, and peanut last. Then there were those multi-colored buttons on the paper and the red wax lips. I never understood what the appeal of those buttons on the paper was, as I wasn't adept enough to eat them without eating some of the paper as well. As usual it's all about the dessert.
Uh-oh no time to edit, time for House.
Jackson, handsome dog of haiku fame
Number 1 boy
of broken arm fame
Last vestiges of summer
Been tagged by Alexandra over at the Whole Story for a tell all meme. Tell 5 interesting or unique facts that you didn’t know about me. Just in time for # 6 on my list. Thanks Alexandra, now I don't have to make one up.
1) I was a baton twirler. I'm ambidexterious - technically i'm a lefty - write and hold a fork lefty but throw a ball, sew righty( note - things i was taught by righties).
2) I moved to the Caribbean (St. Croix) on a whim. No job, didn't know anyone there. I made this decision on a snowy night in Amherst Northampton, after work, with a drink in each hand. This is kinda how the thought process went - I'm a bartender, it's cold here, I can be a bartender anywhere - I guess i'll move to the Caribbean. I went home and put a pin on a map and waited a month for a friend to graduate so that she could go with me. Silly girl, but she did meet her husband there and they are still together.
3) I've waited on George Burns (future post).
4) I've waited on Bill Crosby (future post).
5) I've totalled 2 cars, one in the snow. skidded sideways into the guard rail, spun around and was facing the oncoming traffic (a truck to be specific), the air bag went off - smoke comes out evidently when this happens. I thought the car was on fire and grabbed my handbag and jumped out of the car. A policeman came over to help and said that we'd better get off the road as cars were spinning out around us. The tow truck dropped me and the baby car seat at my work, where I was in shock, but worked up patients none the less. I'm scared to death of driving in the snow, rain too actually.
Now the fun part - I tag: Jona,Edie,Ipanema,Mary,and MB.
Here is the secret link to one of my poetry blogs. I was tempted to cheat but wrote this new one for today, but I really like the other two way better. Actually the poetry links (New Poems & Old Poems) are on the sidebar but Haiku is new to me. Feel free to leave one in comments or a link to yours.
Fall
smoke rising above
red leaves falling to the ground
black dog by my side
Rated R or X? - hope i don't offend. I thought it was funny!
Subject: Vegas
A guy is walking along the strip in Las Vegas and A knockout looking
Vegas hooker catches his eye. He strikes up a conversation and eventually
asks the Hooker, "How much do you charge?" Hooker replies, "It starts at $500 for a
hand-job."
Guy says, "$500 dollars! For a hand-job! Holy crap No hand-job is worth that kind of
money!" The hooker says, "Do you see that Denny's on the corner?"
"Yes."
"Do you see the Denny's about a block further down?"
"Yes."
"And beyond that, do you see that third Denny's?"
"Yes."
"Well," says the hooker, smiling invitingly, "I own those. And, I own them because I give a hand-job that's worth $500." Guy says, "What the hell? You only live once. I'll give it a try."
They retire to a nearby motel. A short timelater, the guy is sitting on the bed realizing that He just experienced the hand-job of a lifetime, Worth every bit of $500. He is so amazed, he says, "I suppose a blow-job is $1,000?"
The hooker replies, "$1,500."
"I wouldn't pay that for a blow-job!"
The hooker replies, "Step over here to the window, Big boy. Do you see
that casino just across the Street? I own that casino outright. And I own it
Because I give a blow-job that's worth every cent of $1,500."
The guy, basking in the afterglow of that terrific Hand-job, decides to put off the new car for another Year or so, and says, "Sign me up."
Ten minutes later, he is sitting on the bed more amazed than before. He can scarcely believe it but, He feels he truly got his money's worth. He decides To dip into the retirement savings for one glorious And unforgettable experience. He asks the hooker, "How much for some pussy?"
The hooker says, "Come over here to the window, I want To show you something. Do you see how the whole city of Las Vegas is laid out before us, all those beautiful lights, gambling palaces, and show places?"
"Damn!" the guy says, in awe, "You own the whole city?"
No," the hooker replies, "but I would if I had
a pussy."
Ok, 3AM is a good time for a list. I'm a fabulous list maker - i make them all the time - problem is I never look at them again. I'm not one of those people that get pleasure in checking things off. Basically I write them just to get the damn things off my mind, i don't actually intend to do any of em. So that said, don't be expecting me to follow this damn list. "She's a rebel and she'll never ever ever get things done.".(To the tune of "He's a rebel", an actually song - for any of you old enof to remember.)
1) Stall ( I think I can,I think I can- write about writing).
2) Make a list
3) Joke Friday
4) Haiku
5) First_____
6) Create a meme or resurrect one
7) Make a post from saved draft(s)
8) Get inspired (blatently copy) from the blogosphere. Shameless Imitation day- pilferred from Patry over at Simply Wait.
9) One lump or two (? a dunkies misadventure) from Dinkys list.
10) Promote/Rave about a fellow blogger
11) Do something from my technology challenged list, ie: crossouts(would love to do that so i can stop using parenthesis' so much, RSS ( do i really want that?) add Yoda to the template without obliterating it, change the template without losing everything
12) Patient of the day
13) Creative writing homework thanks to Edie at Just Write.
14) Rant(whine)
15) Writing promt (one word, sunday scribblings or back of cereal box)
16) Anti-narcissism day(Write about someone else for crying out loud) also from Dinky
17) Pictures, pretty pictures, yes pictures are good.
18) Poem
19) Quote
20) TBA (fellow bloggers - help! I have to get up (oh yea I'm not sleeping) in an hour for work! this could be a contest - i can enter it on Competizion!)
I need a prize - start looking around the house- how bout my collection of Zone books; ok, i'll keep looking- prize to be announced).
21) Dream(as in sleeping or wishing)
22) Thanksgiving recipe/picture(optional)
23) Thanksgiving post or pic
24) Holiday list or boycott
25) Insomnia
26) All about blog
27) Lunchtime Existentialism (lunchtime or existentialism or both)
28) Laughter
29) Music (song on the radio/whatever)
30) Nablopomo party ( over at dinky's) who's bringing what? Chips and dip here (salsa)
Great, This damn list took 2 hrs. and then i couldn't get back to sleep before the alarm went off in less than an hr. And all i needed was a damn outline like Patry did (See #8). Think about it, i was more than 1/2 way there with Patient of the day Mon.,Joke Fri.,Sat. Homework day, I'd already had Sun. Blog pick of the week in the back of my mind, Just Tues, Wed, and Thurs. Let's see how my math is: 30 posts subtract these first two, minus the last party post= 27 - (4) joke fridays= 23 - (4) Creative writing homework Mon.=19 - (4)Blog picks= 15 - (4) #8's = 11 (not 30!).
So let's see about this Plan/Outline: (Not necessarily in this order of course)
Mon.- Patient of the day
Tues. - Existentialist angst - i mean lunch
Wed.- Poem, Haiku, or quote
Thurs. - Homework day
Fri.- Joke Friday
Sat. - Anything on the damn list
Sun. - Blog of the week
Well, I feel much better now, I've got a plan and a list. I bet I sleep good tonite. Oh and I guess the contest(#20) is still on - another post.
Ok, who's idea was this?? Fussy's, Not mine! Ms. non-committal til the end. Ok I'm gonna give it the ole college try - just remember you're talking to one of the original'70's drop-outs.
In one of my - maybe the favorite writing book of mine - Writing Down the Bones by Natalie Goldberg, she writes in the chapter "Fighting Tofu": "Discipline has always been a cruel word. I always think of itas beating my lazy part into submission and that never works. The dictator and the resister continue to fight.She suggests letting them carry on in writing. You can read more about it in this previous post - Bones.
I'm just waiting for the candy police to arrive and cart all of this obscene candy away. If I was smart I would've taken a picture of the kid in costume with his pillow case full of candy and blogged about it today instead of yesterday when it didn't count. I really should work on an outline/list while i'm on this sugar high. This smart blogger: dinky came up with a plan. May the force be with you!
The kid is out trick or treating at a friends, who actually lives in a neighborhood unlike us. I am here trying not to OD on chocolate(since we have no trick or treaters at all this year it seems). I've decided to have a glass of wine to counteract the chocolate, well at the very least, get my mind off the candy. The one who is always decadent here. Feeling like my son's all grown up (at 12&1/2), I didn't even take a picture of him in his costume-that he threw together last nite when he found someone to go out with. He hadn't even put on his football pants tonite when he was getting ready- he had on basketball shorts. I told him he had to put on the football pants because he just looked like he was going to school with his usual baseball cap(tho it was a Patriots championship one). He didn't wear the Helmet because he informed me that his doesn't look anything like a Patriot's helmet - oh yeah, he's Teddy Bruschi. I put the black stuff under his eyes , but i got some on his eyelids too- not good. ok i'm done ramblin here - yes i've had way too much sugar. should be making an outline for the next month.
Oh here is a cool thing that Lane over at Pink Elephants created: The Nanobloplomo Randomizer.
Well here is something I can get excited about- found this wonderful idea over at Fussy's . Post every day for the month of November and there's prizes!! Last year when I heard about Nanowrimo, I jumped on the bandwagon (never one to miss a party)knowing full well that I would drop out at the first opportunity or when the going got tough. I have no great hopes of writing a book - well right now anyway. I would be thrilled though with a short story or even more my speed - maybe a flash piece- final a venue for me, or maybe even just stick to poetry and blogging for now.
Since my blog posts have dwindled to about 2 a wk. and 1 being my Joke Friday(which i never miss), and the other being my creative writing course homework, this is a little scary; but then being the professional cheater that i was in high school I already thought,well there's always those saved drafts to resurrect and then there's always my photos and over at Dinky's - you can see her organized list of ideas if you think you might need help. So,anyone else care to join me??
Assignment 4 from Just Write:
The Bell
“Miss, Miss, excuse me Miss, have they been dismissed yet?” the disheveled, middle-aged woman on the bench asked with urgency, as she pulled her coat up around herself.
Tina tired from her day of cleaning, barely noticed her before the woman’s strained voice forced her to look at her. Now she looked towards where the distraught woman was pointing; it was Bayside High School, where she herself had graduated from.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know; I didn’t hear the dismissal bell she said to the strange woman. Now that she was looking at her, she saw that she had really dirty, dirty blonde hair and startling blue eyes.
“Oh, well I just came here to give my son some money. Ya see, this morning I told him I didn’t have any and well I just want to make sure he get’s some lunch money, I don’t want him going hungry.”
“Well, I remember being a teenage,” said Tina, I’m sure he’ll survive,” she told the strange woman as she strode off, out of the park.
As she was walking thru the gates of JFK Park she noticed a park security guard having a Coke. “Hey did the High School get out yet?” she asked the guard.
“Where are you from,” said the guard as he finished sipping his coke. “School’s been out for two weeks.”
“Oh,” said Tina, caught off guard by this statement. “Well, that lady sitting back there on the bench said she was waiting on her high school son to get out.”
“Yea I know..,” shrugged the guard flipping his head in the direction of the stranger, “well she’s really not all here” he said, gesturing at his head. “Ever since her son came back from Vietnam; well came back in a body bad, that is. She hasn’t been right ever since.” She comes here every day at Noon and leaves when the bell rings signaling that recess is over”
“That’s terrible” said Tina as she hesitated for a moment but then continued on down the street to her next customer, already thinking of the month’s worth of grime and dirt she would have to make disappear in the next four hours. Thoughts of the woman and her son were already left behind on the park bench.
Subject: Never sit on a toilet seat!
Here's a visual!
My mother was a fanatic about public bathrooms.
When I was a little girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach
me to wad up toilet paper and wipe the seat. Then, she'd
carefully lay strips of toilet paper to cover the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never,NEVER sit on a public toilet seat.
Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which consisted of
balancing over the toilet in a sitting position without
actually letting any of your flesh make contact with the toilet
seat. By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and we'd have to
go home to change my clothes. That was a long time ago. Even now, in my more "mature years, "The Stance" is excruciatingly difficult to maintain,
especially when one's bladder is full. When you have to "go"in
a public bathroom, you usually find a line of women that makes
you think there's a half-price sale on Nelly's underwear in there.
So, you wait and smile politely at all the other ladies, who are also crossing their legs and smiling politely. You get closer and check for feet under the stall doors.
Everyone is occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the
woman leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter.
The dispenser for the new fangled "seat covers"(invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but empty.You would hang your purse on the door hook if there was one - but
there isn't - so you carefully but quickly hang it around your neck.
(Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!).
You yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance" Ahhhh, relief. But then your thighs begin to shake.You'd love to sit down but you certainly hadn't
taken time to wipe the seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you
hold "The Stance" as your thighs experience a quake that would
register an eight on the Richter scale. To take your mind off
of your trembling thighs, you reach for what you discover to be
the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you would have tried to
clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"
Your thighs shake more. You remember the tiny tissue that you
blew your nose on yesterday - the one that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work. The door hits your purse,which is hanging around your neck in front of your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping
your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle, and sliding
down, directly onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up
quickly, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare
bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life
form on the uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet
paper - not that there was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly ashamed of you if
she knew, because you're certain that her bare bottom never
touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear,
"You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases you could get,"
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is
so confused that it flushes, sending up a stream of water akin
to a fountain that suddenly sucks everything down with such
force that you grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear,
of being dragged off to China.
At that point, you give up. You're soaked by the splashing
water. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
found in your pocket, then slink out inconspicuously to the
sinks. You can't figure out how too operate the faucets with
the automatic sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a
dry paper towel and walk past a line of women, still waiting,
cross-legged at this point, no longer able to smile politely.
One kind soul at the very end of the line points out that you
are trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe as long as the Mississippi River!
Where was it when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her warmly,"Here, you just might need this."As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has since entered, used and exited the men's restroom and read a copy of War and Peace while waiting for you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who have ever had to deal
with a public restroom (rest??? you've got to be kidding!!).
It finally explains to the men what really does take
us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked question
about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the other
woman can hold the door and hand you Kleenex under the door
This was almost what I was going to hand in for my next writing assignment - a rewrite of assignment 3, with dialogue. When I reread,or carefully read (damn ADD) assignment 4 I realized that this wasn't what the teacher had asked for but I thought it was good practice for me who is dialogue challanged. I prefer the first draft after all though.Please bear with me or just skip this. Thank goodness tomorrow is Joke Friday.
The Cleaning Lady
Did she hear me asking my son to help me look for ‘Product 409’? It was as if she welcomed the opportunity to extol on its pros and cons. “No I don’t think that’s the best thing to use on wood furniture, who told you that?” she said.
{Well actually, another stranger I met walking the aisles of Home Depot}, I thought to myself but replied instead, “Oh, one of my friends is a cleaning lady, you guys are truly amazing-how do you know all this stuff?”
We traversed that aisle, darting from one product to another, while she rattled off the virtues of all of them. Then she told me that she was on husband number two and also that she worked as an EKG technician. “Do you work at Emerson Hospital? Is that why you look so familiar?” she asked as I caught her glancing at my scrubs.
“No I work at North shore Health,” I shot back offhandedly not wanting to talk about work as I quickly steered the conversation back to cleaning products. “What about dusting, I never know what to use… Pledge, Endust??” I queried her as I found myself staring at the vertical lines around her mouth, imagining her puffing on a butt while slugging down a beer on a Friday night or Sunday afternoon at the local pub, maybe even with a chaser of blackberry brandy. All of it aimed at numbing the brain, clouding the judgment, making it possible for her to go home with yet another stranger from the bar.
By the end of our discussion on cleaning and the medical field, we were on agreement on one thing anyway- we had both made a lot of people, other than ourselves, a lot of money.
“Good luck” she called, as she headed down the next aisle of cleaning products.
Finally feeling caught up ( for now) on my assignments over at Just Write.
The cleaning lady
I met her in Target the other day when I was moseying down the cleaning products aisle. We got into a lengthy conversation about cleaning products: glass products, wood products, and the pros and cons of each one. She was average height with dirty blond hair, and had a hard look about her. I could only imagine her difficult life; it was etched in her face, the grimace from years of working two jobs and surviving two failed marriages. But then she quickly smiled, brought up her hand to cover her teeth, her bad teeth; and laughed, as if she was always laughing at herself.
I found myself staring at the vertical lines around her mouth, imagining her puffing on a butt while slugging down a beer on a Friday night or Sunday afternoon at the local pub, maybe even with a chaser of blackberry brandy. All of it aimed to numb the brain, cloud the judgment, make it possible for her to go home with yet another stranger from the bar.
She certainly was an expert on the art of housecleaning and she was intent on imparting her wisdom on me. I left without the products I came in for but with two that I was sure would transform my dusty, dirty house into a palace. If only I could’ve convinced her to come home with me and show me just how it’s done.
I kinda cheated and resurrected this old post for Assignment 2 over at Just Write.
The dirt road
I had just moved into a house, down a long dirt road, that belonged to a married couple. I was to have a room in their house. I didn’t know them, but they were taking me in. I was having the road paved for them, but I don’t know why. Then just as suddenly I was leaving; I didn’t know where I was going. I just remembered this overwhelming feeling of being lost,not settled. I was so lonely in their house; I just wanted to go home.
I was trying to get home to my son because I knew that he had been home alone all day. When I finally called him it was late at night and he hadn't eaten dinner yet. When I walked into the corner store there was a picture of him, on the front page of the Vineyard Gazette, showing him eating ice cream at the ice cream shop on Circuit Ave. in Oak Bluffs. The article said that I was a bad mother for letting him have ice cream for dinner.
The next morning I smiled when I came downstairs and saw him sitting there at the granite island, slumped over the sports page eating cereal and drinking orange juice.
You may remember the old Jewish Catskill comics of Vaudeville days, viz., Shecky Green, Red Buttons, Totie Fields, Milton Berle, Henny Youngman, and others. No? Hold on, this won't take long.
There was a beautiful young woman knocking on my hotel room door all night! I finally had to let her out.
A car hit an elderly Jewish man. The paramedic says, "Are you comfortable?" The man says, "I make a good living."
I just got back from a pleasure trip. I took my mother-in-law to the airport.
I've been in love with the same woman for 49 years. If my wife ever finds out, she'll kill me!
What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love? "Honey, I'm home!"
Someone stole all my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
My wife and I went back to the hotel where we spent our wedding night, only this time I stayed in the bathroom and cried.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for the estimate. She got a mudpack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
I was just in London - there is a 6-hour time difference. I'm still confused. When I go to dinner, I feel sexy. When I go to bed, I feel hungry.
The doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another six months.
Doctor: "You'll live to be 60!" Patient: "I AM 60!" Doctor: "See! What did I tell you?"
A doctor held a stethoscope up to a man's chest. The man asks, "Doc, how do I stand?" The doctor answers "That's what puzzles me!"
Patient: "I have a ringing in my ears." Doctor: "Don't answer!"
A drunk was in front of a judge. The judge says, "You've been brought here for drinking." The drunk says "Okay, let's get started."
I wish my brother-in-law would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he's out of.
The Harvard School of Medicine did a study of why Jewish women like Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backward is Not Now.
There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.
In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable until it graduates from medical school.
Q: Why don't Jewish mothers drink?
A: Alcohol interferes with their suffering.
Q: Why do Jewish mothers make great parole officers?
A: They never let anyone finish a sentence.
A guy called his mother in Florida, "Mom, how are you?" "Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak." The son said, "Why are you so weak?" She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days." The son said, That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?" The mother answered. "Because I didn't want my mouth should be filled with food if you called."
A Jewish boy comes home from school and tells his mother he has a part in the play. She asks, "What part is it? The boy says, "I play the part of the Jewish husband." The mother scowls and says, "Go back and tell the teacher you want a speaking part."
Q: Where does a Jewish husband hide money from his wife?
A: Under the vacuum cleaner.
Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: (Sigh) "Don't bother. I'll sit in the dark. I don't want to be a nuisance to anybody."
Short summary of every Jewish holiday: They tried to kill us, we won, let's eat.
Did you hear about the bum who walked up to a Jewish mother on the street and said "Lady, I haven't eaten in three days?" "Force yourself," she replied.
Q: What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?
A: Eventually, the Rottweiler lets go.
I probably don't have a chance in hell, but here is my entry into a contest that I saw on Jeanette's (of Musings of a Middleaged Woman) new blog: Competizione, where she finds and keeps track of all sorts of contests - stop over and check it out, you won't be disappointed - there's something for everyone!
As I negotiated my way out of the Dunkin Donuts drive-thru, setting out for my eleven year old son’s way too early Sunday morning game, I reached down to make sure that I had the Map quest directions. I headed out the main highway of our one horse town and onto a major highway and got off at the exit on the directions. This is where my son took over reading the directions: “ok, go 1/10 of miles” (1/10 of a mile! - you’re kidding me, right?), “take a left on Wilson St.” (There is no Wilson St! Ok, whoa, stop) I pull off into the next gas station before we go any further. Sheepishly I approach the cashier, doing my best to pay attention to her directions and since they sound simplistic and straight-forward enough I confidently stride back to the car and head back in the direction that I came from. As I pass where I got off the highway in the first place, I sigh and say,” I still don’t see any damn Willow St.”
As soon as I can turn around again I do and not being one to give up quickly, I march myself into yet another convenience store. Five minutes later, I am still lost, downhearted and now reduced to tears. My son gallantly is letting me off the hook as he tells me, “Mom its ok, we can just go home.” As we are passing the bigger than life Foxboro for the third time, I think to myself - no more convenience stores.
This time I say to the couple that have stopped in the middle of a side street for me and have kindly rolled down their window to direct me, “just get me to Norton, I’ll stop for directions to the field when I get there.” It appears that the direction g-ds have decided to take pity on me (or more likely my son – poor kid with the wacko crying mother) and we cruise into the town. It somehow occurs to me as I enter the antique shop that I might wish I was back on the main thoroughfare. The woman sitting behind the counter is frail, on oxygen and looking at me over her wire frames. While she is formulating the directions, I can’t help but think -will we ever make the game?
Ok, we’re in the homestretch now; I can feel it in my bones, I can almost smell that football field (or is that cow manure?) We pull into the parking lot with just minutes to spare. My son sprints off in the direction of his team, I let out a big sigh and take a sip of my cold coffee, knowing full well that it’s far from over. I still have to get us home; but then I remember that ice cream stand that we will have to pass on the way back home and finally - I smile.
Ok in the previous episode our young heroine was bemoaning the fact that she has "slowed down" in all aspects of her life and specifically in her once enjoyable hobby of blogging. Ok I am a self admitted lazy,creative type. I like to write and find it enjoyable; that is when "The Editor" is not rearing her ugly head and red penning every word as I write it.
Some of you know of my other creative endeavors and for those of you who don't, here is the list: Photography - i started out in college, with a 35mm Germany camara, under the supervision of a "real photographer" and I just loved seeing those black & white images appear magically in the tray in the dark room. He even said I had...."Talent" but unfortunately I also was lazy and we all know how much work "Art" really is. I took off in a Red Volkswagen bus for California ( but that's another story - literally in my "writing" folder on this computer - yup you guessed it - unfinished. Am I missing the "finishing" gene? I can't even count the drafts saved on blogger - maybe 50?
Oh yeah, the list: let's see actually first should be..."Musician". I've been playing the piano since 4th grade/age 9 and I can actually play Xmas carols fairly well and I can improvise Jazz if I've had enough alcoholic bevarages. I stopped lessons at age 13 when I discovered boys and also picked up a baton - another talent - baton twirler in High School. During this same time period was my interest in drama - I joined the Jewish Community Center's Adult Drama group. I was one of the teenage girls in the production of Bye, bye birdie. I had a lot of fun doing this - singing/dancing and fainting when Birdie came on.(I realize I have just dated myself beyond belief).
This is where I also got to practice my flirting skills; the lighting guy (several years older than me - actually only 3) was quite smitten with me. I also got to stay out late on a school night because of rehearsals and sometimes go to the uptown diner for ? pie. What did we eat so late at nite - burgers and fries? ice cream? I guess I'll save the diner chronicles for another post.
Jump ahead now and we will add "writing" to that list. I wrote my first poem my Freshmen year in college, which was also my last year as I dropped out in the middle of sophomore year - remember that Red Volkswagen bus? More about that someday. Remember now we are dealing with a world class procrastinator and one of the best little time wasters in the world and then there is my terrible indecisivness.
Now what's a girl to do? Guess I'll just keep on - like the Doodah man.
to a crawl, it seems - in all aspects of my life and not really liking it much, except for a few insights. Specifically- i've got to take better care of myself. I don't know, I just thought I could go on forever at my once usual frenetic pace.
I am starting to (having to) appreciate the one thing that i've got done today, instead of dwelling on all the things I didn't get done.
I thought I was actually appreciating the slower pace, time to think, notice, reflect; but maybe too much time.
A friend just recently pointed out to me that my blog posts have slowed down too. Am i thinking too much?? Has the muse taken a vacation when i wasn't paying attention.
Am i still clearly depressed? or just lazy as we have always known. Crazy I guess - did you notice the we there? Both, i reckon.
Or maybe i'm just too hard on myself. My arm is still bothering me and is a big bother!! I'm a middle-aged mother with marital problems. I'm not thrilled with my job anymore (key word - job).
Well I think i'm done complaining, whining and otherwise making excuses, for now
that is.
At the National Art Gallery in Dublin, Ireland. A husband and wife were
staring at a portrait that had them completely confused.
The painting depicted three black men totally naked sitting on a park bench.
Two of the figures had black willies, but the one in the middle had a pink willie.
The curator of the gallery realized that they were having trouble
interpreting the painting and offered his assessment. He went on for over
half an hour explaining how it depicted the sexual emasculation of
African-Americans in a predominately white, patriarchal society. "In fact, "
he pointed out, "some serious critics believe that the pink willie also reflects the cultural and sociological oppression experienced by gay men in contemporary society."
After the curator left, an Irishman, approached the couple and said, " Would
you like to know the truth, what the painting is really about?"
"Now why would you claim to be more of an expert than the curator of
the gallery?" asked the couple.
"Because I'm the guy who painted it," he replied. "In fact, there's no
African-Americans depicted at all. They're just three Irish coal
miners. The guy in the middle went home for lunch.
Since it seems like forever since I posted and wasnt' sure which draft to ressurect and as it was going to be much too hard to condense all of the recent happenings into a post, I decided to post my 1st creastive writing assigment from over at Just Write, Edie is the bestest writing teacher a girl ever had. Now please be gentle with me.
Children
—As a child I learned that it was better to be seen than heard. Why then was it such a surprise that I turned out to be so shy? At age nine I had asked to play the piano, not to be an entertainer or trained monkey- asked to perform on command. I had asked because I loved music, specifically rock n roll. I had the biggest collection of 45’s of any six year old that I knew - Martha and the Vandells, the Supremes, the Temptations. Motown reigned supreme.
It didn’t matter who was in the house or for what reason, my mother would invariable ask me to entertain them and most times I would outright refuse, despite of or because of her persistent cajoling, “Oh come on honey just play a little bit of Moon River for Mr. Lewis” – their insurance salesman. Sometimes she would stoop to outright bribery – “I’ll give you a dime for the candy store later”. Hmm, a dime could buy my favorite – a Milky Way and some of those wax lips I liked or maybe even a roll of the paper dots. I never could quite get the appeal of those dots, since more often than not, you would wind up eating some of the paper that they came on.
I can just remember the first time that I heard that children should be heard not seen. It was in a variety or five & dime store and some terse store clerk muttered it to a lady she was helping (it might even had been my mother). But it wasn’t til some 30 years later that I would learn that just the opposite could be true as well; maybe it was better to seen than heard.
When my son was maybe three or four I made the mistake of taking him shopping with me one day to a Nursery where they also had an indoor shop with gardening tools, pottery and knick knacky things. When the inevitable crash came I knew it came from my irreplaceable darling boy. When we were asked to leave in no uncertain terms, I scooped up my denim clad, blond, curly-haired son ,kissed his head and breathed in his delicious smell as we fled the scene of the crime.
Subject: His and Her Diaries
HER DIARY:
Tonight I thought he was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a bar
to have a drink. I was shopping with my friends all day l ong, so I thought
he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment.
Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so
we could talk. He agreed but he kept quiet and absent. I asked him what was
wrong; he said nothing. I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset.
He said it had nothing to do with me and not to worry.
On the way home I told him that I loved him, he simply smiled and kept
driving. I can't explain his behavior. I don't know why he didn't say, "I
love you too."
When we got home I felt as if I had lost him, as if he wanted nothing to
do with me anymore. He just sat there and watched TV. He seemed distant and
absent.
Finally, I decided to go to bed. About 10 minutes later he came to bed,
and to my surprise he responded to my caress and we made love, but I still
felt that he was distracted and his thoughts were somewhere else.
He fell asleep - I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that
his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HIS DIARY
I shot the worst round of golf in my life today, but at least I got laid.
Sometimes you do have to tell the patient to shut up(well, nicely). He was just like a little kid, couldn't shut up. His daughter kept telling him, "Dad, she's a professional, let her do her work" -(nice to be appreciated).
Interesting fellow/married 68 yrs. they've been together 75 sincethey were 15. The teacher had to separate us at dances (imagine being able to remember that!). They still went dancing up until 2 yrs. ago and they have "words" sometimes. (well who wouldn't after 68 or 75 years?) my goodness.
When I asked him what he did, he told me of factory work, Rantheon (chemical co.) built houses, quohoaged (clamming- for you not from New England). "Whatever I had to do - six kids he shrugged towards his daughter.
As he got out of the chair, he mentioned to his daughter see i'm stiff, I have to get back to the gym.
He plays golf, is a wonderful cook, his daughter told me.
I directed him into the Dr's exam room telling him that the Dr. would be in shortly. He said, "You mean, you're not the Dr.?" How many times have I heard that?
His chart was full of faxes, so I told the Dr. that I had arranged the retinal ones from most recent in front in the back of the chart and the duplicates and other ophthalmologist reports were on the front. So he says to me," so what's the bottom line?" I really should have stayed in school.
An Australian guy goes into a bar in the Greek Islands. Jill, the Australian barmaid takes his order and notices his Australian accent. Over the course of the night they talk quite a bit. At the end of the night he asks her if she wants to have sex with him. Although she is attracted to him she says no. He then offers to pay her $200 for the deed. Jill is travelling the world and because she is short of funds she agrees.
The next night the guy turns up again and after showing her plenty of attention throughout the night he asks if she will sleep with him again for $200. She figures in for a penny in for a pound - and it was fantastic the night before - so she agrees. This goes on for 5 nights. On the sixth night the guy comes into the bar, but this night he orders a beer and just goes and sits in the corner. Jill is disappointed and thinks that maybe she should pay him more attention. She goes over and sits next to him. She asks him where he is from and he tells her Melbourne. "So am I" she says.
"What suburb in Melbourne." "Glen Iris" he says. "That's amazing" she says, "so am I - what street?" "Cameo street" he says." "This is unbelievable" she says, "what number?" He says "Number 20" and she is astonished. "You are not going to believe this" she says, "I'm from number 22 and my parents still live there!"
"I know" he says "your father gave me $1,000 to give you!"
Sitting here with my coffee in one hand and the mouse in the other,I feel warmth next to my foot and look down and see the big black body of my dog sitting as close as can be.Sometimes he gets right under the desk. If i go downstairs to get more coffee, he will follow me, lie down and when i go back up to my desk, he will patiently get up and follow me back up. This goes on all day. If I let him out, he's back in, in minutes; he doesn't let me out of his sight. Now this is unconditional love. He doesn't care that I haven't showered and that i'm still in my robe, hair not combed. He doesn't even care if I rant and rave and scream and yell, as long as he gets a walk and fed - hey life is good.
For someone who never goes to the doctor and only recently started even having yearly checkups - this has been a doctor filled wk. Mon. the Orthopedic from hell. Tues. day off. Wed. and Thurs.: chiropractor and xrays at the hospital. Today I met my new primary doctor: ok, let's see: I got a glance of him from the waiting room and i thought(sorry) young and dorky. He was nice enough though and spent some time with me. Seems to think i am suffering from ...da,da da, duh.....depression. Well any idiot could've figured that out, i guess. Ok i'm angry, what can i say; i hate this shit - here we go - round 3, 4, 106. Somehow, clinical depression got mentioned and i said whooaa, i don't have that, i just have the regular, everybody has it version; he says that's what it's called, what everybody has. So he agrees with the chiro. that i need psychotherapy and physical therapy( i also have tendonitis and sciatica) but i like what he said about the xrays: hey even an 155 yr. old person without any pain wouldn't have a perfect back/xray. Just what i like, perspective.
A father put his three year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers which she ended by saying: "God bless Mommy, God bless Daddy, God bless Grandma and goodbye Grandpa."The father asked, "Why did you say good-bye grandpa?"The little girl said, "I don't know daddy, it just seemed like the thing to do."The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strangecoincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed andlistened to her prayers which went like this:"God bless Mommy, God Bless Daddy and good-bye Grandma."The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, thiskid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later whenthe girl was going to bed the dad heard her say:"God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy."He practically went into shock. He couldn't sleep all night and got up atthe crack of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all day,had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get byuntil midnight he would be okay. He felt safe in the office, so insteadof going home at the end of the day he stayed there, drinking coffee,looking at his watch and jumping at every sound. Finally midnightarrived, he breathed a sigh of relief and went home.When he got home his wife said; "I've never seen you work so late, what'sthe matter?"He said "I don't want to talk about it, I've just spent the worst day ofmy life."She said; "You think you had a bad day, you'll never believe whathappened to me. This morning the milkman dropped dead on our porch
is not as good as an apple a day. A little information is not good and too much information well, I don't know. The doctor of the day(actually past 2 days) was a chiropractor. A good friend of mine pestered me into- "Well it can't hurt, nobody else is helping you". She was right - he is a very astute doctor, albeit doctor of chiropracter and he had the decency to hand me a tissue unlike that other neanderthal that I saw the other day. And he identified my problems: all of them! - too many. And he said the reason the painkillers weren't working he thought was something called myofascial pain, brought on by sleep deprivation caused by depression. Hmm. He ordered some X-rays of the back to be done the next day before he would "adjust" me.
So today I take myself back up the highway to the Hospital, then I hand carry the X-rays to my new Dr. He goes over them - the bad news(all of which I already knew, cept for one): 1) I have osteoparosis ( but i guess seeing it on X-ray is not a good thing - i just found out on bone scan in July). 2) I have disc degeneration ( i was told this 20 yrs. ago), but I didnt' like the look of that stage 2 model - ouch! no wonder i have sciatica. 3) I have scoliosis (since childhood!! - how come i never knew this?)- tho a friend tells me unless it's more serious, they dont' treat it? maybe she's just trying to make me feel better, but i guess i've lived with it this long - probably the least of my worries. He went on some more but i will spare you the details.
Next we went to the treatment room where he adjusted me - a little clicking, no pain, just a little scary - it's been years since i've done this. Then just before he's leaving, almost out the door, he turns and says, " Is there anything else wrong?". Well, then the tears really started flowing, so he came back in and i blurted out " it's my marraige, a bad marraige, i'm so depressed". There it's out - i said it. He then says, well that's what this is all about, you have to do something, talk to someone; the prozac is not enough- it's written all over your face. He writes down someones name on a card and says i really like her, if she's still around. Then he asks my favorite question, " No thoughts of hurting yourself?". "No". "See you next week".
Chief Complaint/Presenting illness:
I've had tendonitis of the elbow and shoulder since May '05 or before actually; May was when i finally went to the doctor, an orthopedic surgeon. He came in and examined me in about 5 min. pronounced that I had bursitis of the shoulder and I could have a cortisone shot if i liked. I almost chickened out when he went out to do something while his assistant got the instruments( tools of torture) ready. Physical therapy was recommended but I didn't partake because it wasn't covered by our insurance and i didn't want to spend my hard earned cash on it.
So when it came back in August before vacation, with now the elbow involved too, I went to the orthopedic Dr. in my doctors group and I got the double whammy injection. This doctor was very short on bedside manner so when it flared again in December I went to yet another Dr. who x-rayed the elbow and gave in another injection there.
April I'm back again for the elbow. So tho score now is 3 elbow/2 shoulder.
So now it's been back again, in both for a couple of months but worse the last week.
I take myself off to yet another Orthopedic doc and , oh yea i forgot to say that now my sciatica has decided to rear it's ugly head, just in case the arm gives me a moment of peace. So this new doctor, who only does arms and knees so forget telling him about the sciatica, tells me it usually lasts a year, but in some people it can last up to 4 yrs.And it quite often happens to carpenters and physical laborers (damn my house). In the middle of the exam I start to get upset (lack of sleep does this to you - i'm teary- very - does he offer me a kleenex/is there any in sight - No. He has also made me choose which is bothering me more, hence the discussion on the elbow. my choices: another cortisone shot in the elbow (tho my last doctor told me 3 was it ( 4th isn't therapeutic) or surgery.
So i leave as i'm not sure about a shot or surgery. when i get outside some questions surface and i go back in and ask his assistant if i could just talk to him for a few minutes. I thought they would let me talk to him in between patients, as we do at the practice i work at. I patiently waited for him to see his remaining 3 or 4 patients and then he comes out to the waiting area to talk to me, doesn't even call me back in after making me wait. I ask him about the shoulder pain again ( now did i mention the constant clicking?) and a few quick questions and i leave.
Last nite was the worst nite ever ; I fell asleep early watching House, woke up at 11 in pain( arm and leg(butt/sciatica, took some pain med. and was still awake at 3 AM consulting Web MD. I go downstairs for water and feel awful, nauseous and like i'm gonna faint. went back to bed and managed to sleep a couple of hours. called out for work and back to bed for a couple more hours.
I dont' know how I can live like this; I know people have much worse than this, but i'm having a hard time coping. Appt. with physical therapy tomorrow; tho i can't figure how that will help while everything is hurting it now. wishing i had done it when the cortisone was on board.
Well if there is anyone still here, i'll take any and all suggestions.
This is my friend,Michael Costello ,in his studio. I went with my friend Mary into Boston today, to see my old friend, for open studios. He is an amazing painter and so prolific. It was truly amazing viewing his works all hung and all beautiful right there in his studio. He's really come along way since we were working together at the Charles Restaurant. Michael always, and still does, made me laugh; which was a good thing when working with the public, especially snooty public. I am so glad that he doesn't have to do that anymore and is so successful. We did have fun, tho (maybe a little bit too much). I loved when he would grab a cocktail napkin off my bar and draw a caricature of one of the regulars (pains in the asses) -it was our little private joke.
The best thing that happened tho was when Tina Turner came and ate at our little restaurant, she sat in the private booth right next to the bar, and i could here her talking and Michael waited on her and drew one of those little caricatures of her. I told him to give it to her and he charmed her in his charming ways and we got front row seats to her concert the next nite in Providence, RI. It was her comeback tour (What's love got to do with it") and she was incredible with that voice, those legs, her whole persona. But then this post wasn't supposed to be about "the good ole days" (cause they weren't so good, were they? - we were incredible poor- but we had fun.) Of course we spent half of what we made all nite in a couple of hrs. at the bar after work. So all that said, Miquel, I'm really happy for you, congratulations! - you derserve it.
Subject: Ploblem Ah sooooooooooooooooooo
While in China, a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a
condom. A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one
morning to find his manhood covered with bright green and purple spots.
Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having
seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to
return in two days for the results.
The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says: "I've got
bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD. It's very rare and
almost unheard of here. We know very little about it."
The man looks a little perplexed and says: "Well, give me a shot or
something and fix me up, Doc."
The doctor answers: "I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going to
have to amputate your manhood."
The man screams in horror, "Absolutely not! I want a second opinion."
The Doctor replies: "Well, it's your choice. Go ahead if you want but
surgery is your only choice."
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll
know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his manhood and
proclaims: "Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. vely lare disease."
The guy says to the doctor: "Yeah, yeah, I already know that, but what
can we do? my American doctor wants to operate and amputate my manhood!"
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: "Stupid Amelican docta,
always want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!"
Oh, Thank God!" the man replies.
"Yes," says the Chinese doctor, "You no worry! Wait two weeks. faw off
by itself!"
