except for the bad hair day and no heat. Went to visit my friend, Mary (on the right), at her annual open studio at her new studio today. A great example of when life hands you lemons - make lemonade. She had to vacate her much loved studio space earlier this year (kicking and screamin) but she landed on her feet. Way to go Marewheeeeeeeeee!!!
Womens Fantasy: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away fromhim. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring,the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the palm of the young mans hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
Oh G-d my blog is starting to look like a set of those days of the week underwear: Manic Monday, Existential Tuesday, Haiku Wednesday, Meme Thursday, Joke Friday, Photohunt Sat. and Weekend Update/Inspirational Sunday. What have I done??!!
Well thank goodness we are halfway there (to Nablopomo being over).
No meme for you today but a couple of cute blog tests - go take them and report back.
My Bloginality is ENTP!!!
Don't bother clicking on the above logo since I am hopeless at this html stuff and can't get it to work, here is the link to the blog readability test.
Vanquished
those storybook tales
they can't be duplicated
young girl's dream vanquished
Day 13, how many more to go?
Maybe need to go pull up the exitentialist barstool for some new material. Well now is my chance, my boy is off an his 8th grade trip til Fri. (An outing is planned for Thurs. nite to a Chinese restaurant with Jazz music with an old friend - i'll report back.)
Thinking back on Manic Monday - which was rather tame - two patients come to mind:
One noticed that I was a lefty and we had a nice "lefty" discussion.
The other woman, when taking her medical history and i got to the tobacco & alcohol ??'s ,
answered ,"Vodka & Cranberry, but on Sun. my husband makes me a double bourbon manhattan- that's how i know what day it is. "
"I like a good melodrama. People look down on it now, but I love that genre. A good melodrama is primal, intense stuff. It can be the stuff of life." Sidney Lumet
They Won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
League Tournament Champions
20-0
(That's my boy, enjoying his 15 seconds of fame!)
This weeks theme: Flexible
We always Joke about our dog,Jackson, doing his Yoga out in the sun on the deck. I should be doing it with him. Also, notice the drool(click to enlarge) - i must've been eating something while i took the pic.
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a
blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,you should know something.Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm 6' tall,200-pound black belt veteran of the Special Forces.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The
fella to your right is 6'5:, pushing 300 pounds and he's a wrestler.
Each one of us is blonde. Think about it mister. You still wana tell that joke?"
The blind guy thinks for a, moment and replies, "Nah, not if I'm gonna
have to explain it five times."
Found this meme over at Ipanema's awhile back (desperate times call for desperate measures - believe me not many people know my middle name)
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
M- Music- i love all kinds of music, blues, jazz, rock n roll, classical,folk(Dylan,Mitchell, Baez)even some Rap and Country .
I- Indecisive
N- Nice
D- Disorganized, disheartened
y- Young at heart
Tagging: Noelle, Liquid, Jona, Lorna, and Nova Dad
(posted on Tuesday)
It's 7:40 and i have to be at work at 8:00 and here i sit in my bathrobe. Good thing i only have to pull on a pair of scrubs,find a shirt to wear under my labcoat and lace up the sneaks; then onto my 5 min. beauty ritual: fire up the flat iron, slap some "product" on in an attempt to control the curl, straigten the bangs, throw on some makeup and out the door. Yes, i brushed my teeth and put on deoderant; i shower at night - no time in the morning - plus too cold. And luckily I'm working at the office that is only 10 min. from my house.
Well it was actually a very boring Monday, no memorable patients, moments or insights; so i thought i would link to another Manic Monday that was included in Grand Rounds awhile back.
Ok I'm glad to see i'm simplifying - with age comes... creaky bones.
(But if all else fails I can always refer to last years list.)
Fri. - Joke Friday (of course)
Sat.- Photo hunters (post a pic on a theme)
Sun. - G-d help me (weekend update,inspirational moments)
Mon. Just another manic monday (work post -pissin & moanin, occ.inspirational)
Tues. Existential angst ( just about anything)
Wed. Haiku Wednesday
Thur. Show & Tell (do a meme).
Note: Subject to change without notice.
This weeks theme: Classic
Very stormy here today. I had intented to take some pictures around my town of some of the classic New England facades but the weather forced me inside and my fireplace mantel was all i could come up with.
( not really a joke- but cute)
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
If you look closely you can see that 2 out of 3 pumpkins are missing their stalks.
Hence the guilty look (ears back) on Mr. Jackson's face. Forgot to post this yesterday so since i'm still working on a plan for Nablopomo - Hasta luego baby.
No treats out here in the blogosphere, but for a trick you can play with the black cat over there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(use yr. mouse).
Happy Halloween!!!!
anyone doing Nablopomo?
" A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants"
Quote from Chuckles the clown of the Mary Tyler Moore Show fame.
His Obit:
The tragic death of Chuckles the clown crushed by an elephant while he was wearing a giant peanut suit as master of ceremonies of a parade.
Immortalizing a clown that never existed. I love it.
Possibly the best MTM show ever. The funeral scene where she gets the giggles is a classic.
(Found this is the ole drafts file, don't know where i was going with it (but what else is new). - i know my cousin & I were having a laugh about it last yr. before L's Bar Mitzvah - when we thought we might get a case of the giggles if a certain family member coughed throughout the ceremony - unfortunately/but luckily she didn't make it because i just know we wouldn't have been able to contain ourselves)
The second of pink geraniums last year on my old grey deck.
The last one is a dog fence flag that i put in my garden in hopes of keeping the dog out - it worked.
YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk
(Thanks Suzanne!)
The Boston Redsox are once again the American League Champions!!!!!!! GO SOX!!!!!!!
I tried for about 10 minutes to find a picture of Papelbon doin his Riverdance victory dance but to no avail. I am too dog tired from staying up last nite. I had to drive my son to school late and dragged myself into work. I dont' think i was really awake til after lunch.
A phrase started years ago, by a good friend - we were the best little timewasters in the world (I would drop by for coffee in the morning, then before you knew it we'd be having lunch, next we'd decide to go downtown to this little coffee shop where they had the best chocolate cake in the world). The problem being is that i won that title as she has gone on to become a published writer.
And now along comes the internet - a bright and shiny new big timewaster or creative outlet depending on how you look at it.
I see people giving it up all the time - recognizing their addiction? need to do something real? "If it weren't for the Internet, I wouldn't have any friends at all". not true but as you get older how do you meet people (not on bar stools anymore) and the friends you do have, you never actually see cause everyone is too damn busy . At best you talk to them on the phone - another one of my personal favorite little timewasters cause it makes doing those mundane, boring chores more bearable. so where was i going with this? i dunno, just wastin s'more time, i suppose.
I just joined Photo hunter and this weeks prompt was Practical. I thought it was practical to put my new TV on this beautiful old chest and just drill a couple of holes in the back for all the wires. It was also nicer than any of the TV stands that I brought home and tried first. Found this at a furniture consignment store. 
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to replace a
lightbulb?
The answer is 10.
1. One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the lightbulb needs
to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the lightbulb;
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they either favor changing
the lightbulb or support darkness;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new lightbulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner "Lightbulb Change Accomplished";
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
detail how Bush was literally "in the dark";
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has
had a strong lightbulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.
Subject: pastor and his donkey
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, Posted the following headline:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the headlines read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY??? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
Careful what you ask for.........
Living Will:
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
Bitch...
To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist,
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City
Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.
One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things"
from the legendary movie, "Sound Of Music".
Here are the lyrics she used:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted
over four minutes and repeated encores.) Please share her
clever wit and humor with others who would appreciate it.
Stolen awhile ago now from over at The Daily Tannebaum (see blogroll).
1. What is your favorite word?
Ordeal evidently - my son says i say it all the time; he's even starting to use it.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Begins with a c.
3. What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?
Music , words, art.
4. What turns you off?
Failures to communicate and nose hair.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Just one? damnit? Jesus Christ, or for G-d's sake(i'm sorry to say).
6. What sound or noise do you love?
The ocean. but i really liked the sounds the wind was making last nite.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Tapping/hitting things/fidgiting noises( like my son makes).
8. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?
Editor, agent, publicist, musician, writer, photographer - any but mine it seems.
9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
Boring, repetitive ones - like mine.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
There's a seat at the bar with your friends saved for you, drinks on the house.
If you want to play along, leave a link to your answers in the comments!
My original title for this post was Savoir because there are some books that you just savoir; you can't wait to get in bed and read them, yet you don't want to read too fast or too much because you just know that you are going to hate it when it ends. The Secret Life of Bees is such a book. The characters are warm & charming and Lily, the main character, lets you into the depths of her soul, her young but wise old soul. I found myself crawling into this book at night or in the morning before i had to get up. These are characters that you just know and love and thus you never want it to end. Well, it ended for me this morning and predictably, I am sad-No more Lily, no more August, Rosaleen, May, Zach, no more crawling into their remarkable world and friendships at the end of the day. This one is definitely taking a place on my Favorite books of all times list and one i might even have to read again. I loved this book. Kudos Sue Monk Kidd.
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when
this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh, "replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "But remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no
more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his
arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier, " she replies
Subject: Reagan on Bush (aka "Shrub")
This is a direct quote from the just-published REAGAN DIARIES
It is dated May 17, 1986.
'A moment I've been dreading. George brought his ne're-do-well son around
this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who
lives in Florida. The one who hangs around here all the time looking
shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real
job. Maybe I'll call Kinsley over at The New Republic and see if they'll
hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work.'
"Jane....exemplified qualities of the human spirit that most peoplre can only aspire to."
Yes, she was truly inspirational and remarkable. Another great article about her here.
I was just simple appalled last nite when i read this online. It is utterly mindboggling how human beings could do these things; worse than any animals.
...so little time. Yikes these 18 hr. days are killin me.
(I was disappointed i couldn't find a pic. of a woman doing this.)
6:20AM -mommy hat - make lunch send #1 son off to school
7:30 public servant hat: leave for jury duty ( yippee day off of work- i hope i get picked)
11:30 No hat- relieved of jury duty - damn. play hookey for rest of the day - feel just like i remember when i was a kid ( exuberant).
12:30 Movers hat: Return too large bookcase
1:00 Decorators hat: deliberate my decorating dilemmas
2:30 Mom hat- greet kid and head out to shop
6:00 Chauffeur hat - take kid to store for some needed school supply
7:00 Errand girl hat: food shop
7:30 Chef hat on and rattling the damn pots
8:00 Mom hat: dinner conversation
8:30 Maid hat - clean up dinner
9:00 Hairdresser hat - quick haircut for the spouse
10:00 Maid hat still on - throw laundry in
11:00 Correspondent hat - check emails from coaches, etc.
12:00 Blogger hat: Check blog - try to think of a coherent post fore bed.
12:20 Bedtime for Bonzo. Do not look at the to-do list, collect brush teeth, and take a deep breath cause...
in six short hours you get to do it all again!!
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is"UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other tim es the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.......... it is time to shut UP....!
Oh . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning &the last thing you do at night? U-P
insouciant \in-SOO-see-uhnt\, adjective:Marked by lighthearted unconcern or indifference; carefree; nonchalant.
Now there's a nice word, one i wish i could use to describe myself; instead of melancholy, moody, and the worst one: depressed.
(Wow, i must be really bored- i found this in drafts from a year ago and took it again with just about the same results).
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
 Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
In case you're in the mood for one of these mindless online quizs.
 | rdl took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and a..."
|
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30
years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th
anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and
peeked inside.
In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew
what
was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a
box
with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special
anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my
promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the
temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do
you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an
empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am
very
disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are
addicted
to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad
considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that
money
in the box?"
Bill replied "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Shouldn't be doing any negative Hilary jokes here as she might be my pick - her or Obama. Am i dreaming to think a woman or a black man could be president?
Passion- creativity
Purpose - driving my son to fields: football, baseball and the basketball court
Pursuit - of happiness of course
Position - ophthalmic technician
Pummeling - patients
Progress - slow
Personality - good, i hope, funny at times.
Where do i find these things? Join in if you care.
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the
University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write
the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner
that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will
read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you w ish to say must be
written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:
Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Lau rie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S . Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two
hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimp eded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed
bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
(Gary)
Bitch
(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL.
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
Just the Facts:
Births: Madonna, James Taylor
Deaths: Elvis Presly, Babe Ruth
Been thinking about writing a Birthday post all day but now when I finally can sit down to write it, the ideas are all gone, fanished like the day - it's Midnite - time to turn in the shoes.
8:00 - 12:00 Work
12:15 - ultrasound appt. those 10 min while the technician went to talk to the dr. seemed like an hour - i had myself dead & buried 3 times - doing the math- lets' see Mom was 38 when she had me and i was 21 when she died, so she ws 59 and i was 16 when she got it, so she was 55 - My Age!! so is my time up, is this it? I start making deals, just let me live til Luke is out of school....
The Radiologist finally comes back in & tells me its just some cysts - end of story - i beat it out of there fast.
It's a Beautiful Day^^^^^^^^^^^^^(US playing in head).Looking at the beautiful blue sky and thanking G-d for letting me live.
2:20 My wonderful boy hands me his old IPod with 200 songs on it for me and a really nice card. We head to the beach ( my favorite place) but just for 1/2 an hr. cause he has a Football Scrimmage.
4:15 Leave for the scrimmage, get lost, but get there in time.
7:15 Game over
8:30 finally sitting in the restaurant with a glass of wine. Ahhh and delicious food.
9:45 get lost on the way home
10:30 unload diswasher and dryer/fold towels/pour another glass of wine.
11:30 talk to best friend on phone for a 1/2 hr. forget about any coherent post now.
The Thoughtful Blogger Award
Went to Boston yesterday with my good friend, Mary. We went to see the Hopper exhibit at the Museum of Fine Arts. It was awe-inspiring. It was almost overwhelming seeing all those wonderful, beautiful paintings all in one place. I just love artists, i guess that's why some of my best friends are artists. And moi, i'm the artiste wannabee(a dilatante - hate that word), but this is what happens when you don't decide what to be when you grow up. Poetry, photograpy and piano ( hey the 3 P's) but master of none. Woe is me- artist angst. Hopper had shades of existentialism in his work which also appeals to me. Was hard to pick a picture to post with this but i picked 7AM because i used to have a framed poster of this and for the life of me I can't remember what happened to it. Might have to get another. Lucky Steve Martin, owns a Hopper that was at the exhibit. Martin also narrated the little film clip on Hopper that they had playing.
It was great day!!
NEVER ASK A SOUTHERN GRANDMOTHER
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma a question if they
aren't
prepared for the answer.
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called
his first
witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He
approached her
and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've
known you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you
manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think
you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you
never will
amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed
across
the room and ask ed, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense
attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since
he was
a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking
problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law
practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated
on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes,
I know
him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench and, in a
very
quiet v oice, said, "If either of you idiots asks her if she
knows me,
I'll send you to the electric chair."
I am methodically going through my drafts folder (all 68 and deciding which to pitch) and even tho i didn't finish this one I thought I'd post it anyway - feel free to add/link yr. 13 (cat or dog).
I just reached 2 records and felt compelled to announce them:
10,000 visitors!! ( just passed this mark this week).
and....
500 posts ( just over, but 68 of those are saved drafts) so not truly there yet.
Hard to believe, but my 2 year Anniversary went unnoticed as well, back in May.
A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.
The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a
voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of
Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.
She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company.
The sign reads , "If you can catch me, you can have me."
Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later
huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.
The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing
happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he
has lost 10 lbs. as promised.
He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program.
The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the m! ost
stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is
wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that
reads, "If you catch me you can have me".
Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent
shape and it takes him a while before he can continue, so for the next
four days, the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better
and better shape.
Much to his delight on the fifth day he weighs himself only to discover
that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised.
He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50
pound program.
"Are you sure?" asks the representative on the phone. "This is our most
rigorous program." "Absolutely, " he replies, "I haven't felt this good
in years."
The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds
a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoesand a sign around his neck that reads,
"If I catch you, your ass is mine."
Last nights dream was rather mundane/boring - dreamt about scrub pants colors - Blue, White & Tan and remember talking to a Doc. i work with who was telling me to get these better quality, more expensive pair - funny since he's such a tightwad - always saying Thanks, or goodbye after a shift if he sees us standing around for a minute after we've finished working up patients- if it's a few minutes before end of shift/punch out.
Hate dreamin about work on my vaca. Can't i get back to Paris? (see prev. post).
I finally applied for Passports for my son & I. While I was in the post office there was a loud noise and we looked out the window and saw a car had crashed into the building that houses the post office. 2nd time this year - another elderly person thinking she's in reverse.
Got some bad news - found out today that my niece ( my husband's brothers older girl) had a c-section today and her baby girl is ok but the tumor that they thought would be nothing is Cancer. She's only 28 and has 2 beautiful boys (2&4). This is so sad, so awful.
A friend called to tell me about the bridge collapsing in Minn. - she knows i don't regularly watch the news.
I checked the calendar and the full moon was Mon. I guess that explains some things.
Last night I dreamt that I was in a car crash,fortunately i woke up.
Two nights ago I dreamt that I had a lover in Paris, unfortunately I woke up.
What did you dream last nite?
the 11th Husband
A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband to "Please be gentle; I'm still a virgin".
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times.?"
"Well, husband#1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
"Husband # 2 was in Software Services; he was never really sure how it was suppose to function; but he said he'd look into it and get back with me.
"Husband # 3 was from Field Services; he said that everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
"Husband # 4 was in Telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
"Husband # 5 was an Engineer,he understood the basic process but he wanted three years to research, implem ent, and design a new state of the-art method.
"Husband #6 was from Administration; he thought he knew how but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
"Husband # 7 was in Marketing; although he had a product, he was never sure how to position it.
"Husband # 8 was a Psychiatrist; all he did was talk about it.
"Husband # 9 was a Gynecologist; all he did was look at it.
"Husband # 10 was a Stamp Collector; all he ever did was........... God I miss him.
" But now that I've married you, I'm so excited".
"Wonderful", said the husband, "but why?
"Your're with the "GOVERNMENT"..
This time I KNOW I'M gonna get SCREWED."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Noelle over at The Daily Tannebaum has given me an award - "The Rockin Blogger Girl Award". Like Noelle I secretly would like to be a rocker too; but unlike her I am too old now and the day job and carting the 13 yr. old to his sports gets in the way. Now I just hope that he will be more serious about his music than I was about mine and get really good at drums and be in a band so I can at least be a groupie finally.
Vacation came and went and time slipped away and I came home to find that Suzanne over at Liquid Illuzion also bestowed the award on me. Feelin like i have to go out and get a pair of stillettos to trip up and collect my Oscars on; also feeling very undeserveth as I practically have abandoned the blog, what with the garden and baseball and family visiting. I haven't missed a Joke Friday tho. I promise to do better. Yeah, yeah - give her the hook.
Now, the nominees please...Of all the deserving bloggers that I read out there I am going to pick - Jona of Lentulae Vitae because I just really enjoy reading her trials & tribulations even tho she doesn't post regularly( and who can blame her with that brood of hers) I'm always happy when i discover that she has. and Ipanema of Under the Canopy because she always makes me think.
and Patry Francis of Simply Wait, because she's my best friend and a great writer - Buy her book- The Liar's Diary.
An older lady gets pulled over for speeding...
Older Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
Officer: Ma'am, you were spee! ding.
Older Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?
Older Woman: I'd give it to you but I don't have one.
Officer: Don' t have one?
Older Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.
Officer: I see...Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Older Woman: I can't do that.
Officer: Why not?
Older Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Older Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
Officer: You what?
Older Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see
The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma'am, would you step out of your vehicle please! The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Older woman: Is there a problem sir?
Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
Older Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.
The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma'am? !
Older Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.
The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma'am, one of my officers told me you didn't have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Older Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.
Sex, Church & Pancakes
Teen age sex
The mother of a 17-year-old girl was
concerned that her daughter was having sex.
Worried the girl might become pregnant
and adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family
doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today
were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably
result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on
birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of
condoms.Later that evening, as her daughter was
preparing for a date, the woman told her about the situation and handed
her a box of condoms.The girl burst out laughing and reached
over to hug her mother saying:
"Oh Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating Susan!'
Church
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said 'Preacher,I'll tell you,that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!'
The preacher said, 'Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use profanity.'
The man said, 'I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!'
The preacher said, 'No shit?'
Pancakes
Brenda and Steve took their six-year-oldson to the doctor.
With some hesitation, they explained that although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis.
After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, 'Just feed him pancakes. That should solve the problem.'
The next morning when the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a large stack of warm pancakes in the middle of the table.
'Gee, Mom,' he exclaimed. 'For me?'
'Just take two,' Brenda replied. 'The rest are for your father.'
but just too damn busy. Love the summer, but add working in the yard, and going to the beach every chance we get and baseball practice/games and trying to figure out vaca and it spells no damn time for la blog. I promise i will post as soon as i find some time to glue my butt to the seat. No time to think except for what i need to do. lists everywhere, clutter out of control and must clean the house, but i always put yardwork first. So is that enof excuses for you? if not I'm sure I can think of more. In the meantime I'll be lurking if not commenting. Miss you all.
Stay cool.
THE ITALIAN TOMATO GARDEN
An Old Italian man lived alone in the country
He wanted to dig his tomato garden, but it was very hard
work as the ground was
hard. His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was
in prison. The old man
wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won't
be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting
too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my
troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to
dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the
bodies.
Love, Vinnie
At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police
arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies.
They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man
received another letter from his son.
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I
could do under the circumstances.
Love you, Vinnie
Should be asleep. Having my usual pre-trip jitters. just polished off the ice cream so i'll be headin to bed soon.
Off to Montreal in the morning for a quick trip with #1 son and a youth group from temple. I'm the chaperone- shaking my head in disbelief on that one.
Now i'm wondering if there's anyone from blogland living in Montreal; I know some of you are Canadian but don't know the different areas at all.
Well, I'm not looking forward to the 7 hrs. in the car - 4/5 seems to be my limit; but the boy is excited about his first time out of the country and i'm sure it will be fun, once we get there.
The Cardiologist's Funeral
A cardiologist died and was given an elaborate funeral. A huge heart
covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following
the eulogy, the heart opened, and the casket rolled inside. The heart then
closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point, one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes
stared at him, he said, "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of my own
funeral..... I'm a gynecologist." At this point the urologist fainted...
I don't know why but this morning standing on the side porch waiting for the wave from my 13 yr. old son that means the other kid is at the bus stop so that I don't have to fear for his abduction (when exactly will i stop fearing that?). anyway he was telling me about the last book that he just finished in a series that he devoured( no pun intended - it was about vampires - Cirque du Freak). I told him he would have to tell me about it at the beach this summer since this is his next to last day of school. And for some reason some books came flooding in my head. One of them was The Magus by John Fowles that I read ions ago. I remember that I really liked it but never really "got" it. anyone out there that read it, got it or not, and would like to right a bookreport. I'm an eary marker.
PS: i do realize that this should be edited but that would make me even later for work.
Ciao
BIRTHDAY REMEMBRANCE
This week we celebrate a special birthday: Monica Lewinsky turned 31.
Can you believe it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling
around the White House on her hands and knees and putting everything
in her mouth.
They grow up so fast, don't they?
(Found this in the draft folder from last year and actually didnt' change a thing, so i guess it's true.)
Don't know whose blog I found this on and I think I might have done it before but hey, desperate times call for desparate measures.
1.5 things I would do if I were a millionaire
* buy a new "green"/hybird car and truck(for dump runs and the beach).
* Have a huge Bloggers convention/party
* Actually take some piano lessons.
* Take an extended vacation aka around the world
* Two words: plastic surgery
2. 5 bad habits
* procrastinating
* Drink too much wine
* Waiting until the last minute to do things
* sleep too little
* Eating poorly or too much
3. 5 things I hate doing
* Working out, although I know i need to.
* Going out in the cold.
* Vacuuming
* Dusting
* Mopping
4. 5 things I would never do
* Wear a fur
* Jump out of an airplane
* Crocodile hunt
* Run for political office
* Sing the national anthemn at a ball game
5. 5 things I regret doing
* Dropping out of college
* Working in the restaurant business 1/2 my life
* Staying at my present job that I don't like anymore
* Not making a decision
* Not finding my way
6. 5 favorite toys or things.
* PC
* Laptop
* my son's Ipod
* digital camara
* cell phone? nah - pizza
ok you know what to do.
A man staggered into a hospital with a concussion, multiple bruises,
two black eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly around his throat.
Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What happened to you?"
"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife, when at a
difficult hole, we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture. We went to
look for them and while I was looking around, I noticed one of the cows
had something white in its rear end."
I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough, there was a golf ball
with my wife's monogram on it - stuck right in the middle of the
cow's butt."
"Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my wife, "Hey, this looks like yours!"
I don't remember much after that...
Always a sucker for a quiz, i found this "Dominant Intelligence" one over at Ipanema's . I was just happy to find that I still had some. Who knew? My results were apprepo as I've been thinking my next career move should be to Lounge Lizard - playing piano at a piano bar. I knew i should've taken one of those aptitude tests long ago.
Go have fun and be sure to post yr. results.
| Your Dominant Intelligence is Musical Intelligence |
 You enjoy sounds of all types, but you also find sound can distract you at the wrong time. You are probably a gifted musician of some sort - even if you haven't realized it. Also a music lover, you tend to appreciate artists of all kinds. You would make a great musician, disc jockey, singer, or composer. |
A guy goes to a supermarket and notices a beautiful blonde wave at him and say hello. He's rather taken aback, because he can't place where he knows her from, so he says "Do you know me?" to which she replies "I think you're the father of one of my kids."Now he thinks back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, "My god, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I laid on the pool table with all my buddies watching, while your partner whipped my ass with wet celery and then stuck a carrot up my butt?" She said, "No, I'm your son's math teacher."
