This weeks theme: Small
10 years ago
Joke Friday
A woman walks into the doctors office and says, doctor I hurt all over and the doctor says, "That's impossible
"No really!" she said, "Just look, when I touch my arm,ouch! it hurts.
When I touch my leg, ouch!, it hurts. When I touch my head, ouch!, it hurts.
When I touch my chest, ouch!!, it really hurts. she replies.
"The doctor just shakes his head and says, "You're a natural blond aren't you?
The woman smiles and says, "Why yes I am. How did you know?
The doctor replies, "Because, your finger is broken."
Photo hunter
Theme: Long
The first shot is my obvious entry for this week's theme. A long pier at Ft. Myers Beach in Fla. The second (close-up) is the better shot i think. Not bad for a point & shoot less than 4 mega pixel camera.
Joke Friday
REMEMBER THIS AT CHRISTMAS TIME…
According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year. The male reindeer drop their antlers in the beginning of winter, usually by late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until they give birth in the spring.
Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a female!
We should've known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost.
Merry Christmas to all you ladies!
Thanks Suzanne!
First night of Chanukah
On the first night of Chanukah my mother gave to me, nuh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh thing( because we forgot to light the lights - we're bad jews - as L. likes to say.)
On the second night of Chanukah my mother gave to me, a Ree-ee-ee--ee-ee-see's peanut butter cup.
The reason this is set to a Christmas carol is because after we lit the lights and had dinner, i finally practiced playing x-mas carols on the piano.
Neither of these pictures came out very good; i couldn't decide which to post because i thought the first one the better but the second has a reflection of Luke and my hand in the window.
Shalom
Joke Friday
THE NUN....
A nun is chatting with her Mother Superior. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it," says the young nun.
"When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder nun.
"Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards."
"Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," answers the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away."
"Is THAT when you swore?"
"Well, no" says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!"
"And THAT is surely when you swore?" says the amazed Mother.
"No, not yet." she answers. "As the eagle carried the squirrel away, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball."
"Did you swear THEN?" asks Mother Superior, becoming impatient.
"No...the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole!"
The two nuns are silent for a moment.
Then Mother Superior sighs, "You missed the f______ putt, didn't you?
I've got nothing
Been looking for a meme to do. Really just want to crawl in bed and read (Kite Runner).
I did find a 5 weird/random facts meme going around the blogosphere but I already did a 10 weird facts one back in April , I could've just cheated and used 5 of those. Thank g-d Nablopomo is over tomorrow! and thankfully tomorrow is Joke Friday; so come back tomorrow when i have something.
sgtrane
Hwo the barin wrkos
This is weird, but interesting! fi yuo cna raed tihs, yuo hvae a sgtrane mnid too. Cna yuo raed tihs? Olny 55 plepoe out of 100 can. i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs forwrad it.
Manic Monday
I hate Mondays. It starts on Sunday - i feel like i really can't enjoy Sunday knowing that i have to go to work the next day. Sometimes i even have trouble sleeping, thinking about the next day.
But today really wasn't bad at all, not manic by any means; really rather tame. No irate, irritating patients, no employees having a meltdown and other than my nagging dry cough that necessitated my having to suck on a lot of cough drops it was rather a pleasant Monday. Let's keep our fingers crossed for tomorrow.
Black Friday, Saturday and Sunday
World class shopper that I am, I am even tired of it already. I'm almost done though and I did save some $$, so I guess it was worth it. But like every year, I just can't wait til it's over. Speaking of over, five more days til Nablopomo is over! and not soon enough. Can't wait to go back to my slacker ways.
Photohunter
This weeks theme: Hot
The dried hot chile peppers on my pizza. And the not very hot looking flames of my gas stove.
Joke Friday
Two church members were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms that she did not want to hear their message, and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result -- the door bounced back open.
Convinced these rude young people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said, "Ma'am, before you do that again you need to move your cat."
Evidently I just cook once a year
I don't have many cookbooks because I don't really like to cook much. I do have this one, though that I've had- well let's just say a really long time. While doing my Thanksgiving prep i decided to get the sweet potato dish out of the way. Problem being i wasn't really sure how to make "candied sweet potatoes". In the past i've made this mashed version with marshmellows ( hope the boy doesn't notice i've gone and switched up the recipe).
This is my mom's recipe but the problem is, well mom wasn't much of a cook either and all i remember of her recipe is the can of yams and maple syrup and brown sugar.
So out comes my "Everything Cookbook" (seriously, that is the name of it.) I look up candied sweet potatoes and commence to make them. Later i go to mark the page with this nice piece of ribbon that is attaced to the book so that i can finish in the morning and I glance at the page that I last marked - Turkey Gravy.
Time to make the biscuits.
Happy Thanksgiving !!!!
Manic Monday
Okay, let's see, how did this day go (i've been trying to forget since 5 o'clock)- pour me another glass of wine bartender. Well, the 1st patient tried my patients - she was just old ( i know, not kind - but you try doing this all day.) She even said, thanks for being so patient - see even she knew. i'd only been at work 25 min. and felt like i'd done 10 patients. I'm in no mood to recount the details so I will just skip to the last patient of the day - who really took the cake.
The SRB (spoiled rotten brat) came in with her mother with the complaint of not being able to see the blackboard. Oh, let me go back a minute to when i called them in and they were "shopping" in the optical shop before their exam. Long story short - she had almost perfect vision with a very slight optical error. So the doctor did not give her an Rx for glasses. I heard her complaining loudly at the desk on how "all of it looked blurry" or some such thing.
I wonder if it was coach or Calvin Klein that she had picked out.
How Mary got her groove back
except for the bad hair day and no heat. Went to visit my friend, Mary (on the right), at her annual open studio at her new studio today. A great example of when life hands you lemons - make lemonade. She had to vacate her much loved studio space earlier this year (kicking and screamin) but she landed on her feet. Way to go Marewheeeeeeeeee!!!
Joke Friday
Womens Fantasy: A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail with her girlfriends when an exceptionally tall, handsome, extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away fromhim. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare & walked directly toward her. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring,the young man said to her, 'I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition.' Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, 'You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words.' The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse & slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she pressed into the palm of the young mans hand along with her address. She looked deeply into his eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Clean my house."
Meme oh meme
Oh G-d my blog is starting to look like a set of those days of the week underwear: Manic Monday, Existential Tuesday, Haiku Wednesday, Meme Thursday, Joke Friday, Photohunt Sat. and Weekend Update/Inspirational Sunday. What have I done??!!
Well thank goodness we are halfway there (to Nablopomo being over).
No meme for you today but a couple of cute blog tests - go take them and report back.
My Bloginality is ENTP!!!
Don't bother clicking on the above logo since I am hopeless at this html stuff and can't get it to work, here is the link to the blog readability test.
Haiku Wednesday
Vanquished
those storybook tales
they can't be duplicated
young girl's dream vanquished
Exitstential Tuesday
Day 13, how many more to go?
Maybe need to go pull up the exitentialist barstool for some new material. Well now is my chance, my boy is off an his 8th grade trip til Fri. (An outing is planned for Thurs. nite to a Chinese restaurant with Jazz music with an old friend - i'll report back.)
Thinking back on Manic Monday - which was rather tame - two patients come to mind:
One noticed that I was a lefty and we had a nice "lefty" discussion.
The other woman, when taking her medical history and i got to the tobacco & alcohol ??'s ,
answered ,"Vodka & Cranberry, but on Sun. my husband makes me a double bourbon manhattan- that's how i know what day it is. "
Quote of the day
"I like a good melodrama. People look down on it now, but I love that genre. A good melodrama is primal, intense stuff. It can be the stuff of life." Sidney Lumet
Weekend Update
They Won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
League Tournament Champions
20-0
(That's my boy, enjoying his 15 seconds of fame!)
Photohunter
This weeks theme: Flexible
We always Joke about our dog,Jackson, doing his Yoga out in the sun on the deck. I should be doing it with him. Also, notice the drool(click to enlarge) - i must've been eating something while i took the pic.
Joke Friday
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a
blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke,you should know something.Our bartender is blonde and the bouncer is blonde. I'm 6' tall,200-pound black belt veteran of the Special Forces.
The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225 and he's a rugby player. The
fella to your right is 6'5:, pushing 300 pounds and he's a wrestler.
Each one of us is blonde. Think about it mister. You still wana tell that joke?"
The blind guy thinks for a, moment and replies, "Nah, not if I'm gonna
have to explain it five times."
Meme in the Middle
Found this meme over at Ipanema's awhile back (desperate times call for desperate measures - believe me not many people know my middle name)
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
M- Music- i love all kinds of music, blues, jazz, rock n roll, classical,folk(Dylan,Mitchell, Baez)even some Rap and Country .
I- Indecisive
N- Nice
D- Disorganized, disheartened
y- Young at heart
Tagging: Noelle, Liquid, Jona, Lorna, and Nova Dad
Manic Monday
(posted on Tuesday)
It's 7:40 and i have to be at work at 8:00 and here i sit in my bathrobe. Good thing i only have to pull on a pair of scrubs,find a shirt to wear under my labcoat and lace up the sneaks; then onto my 5 min. beauty ritual: fire up the flat iron, slap some "product" on in an attempt to control the curl, straigten the bangs, throw on some makeup and out the door. Yes, i brushed my teeth and put on deoderant; i shower at night - no time in the morning - plus too cold. And luckily I'm working at the office that is only 10 min. from my house.
Well it was actually a very boring Monday, no memorable patients, moments or insights; so i thought i would link to another Manic Monday that was included in Grand Rounds awhile back.
List
Ok I'm glad to see i'm simplifying - with age comes... creaky bones.
(But if all else fails I can always refer to last years list.)
Fri. - Joke Friday (of course)
Sat.- Photo hunters (post a pic on a theme)
Sun. - G-d help me (weekend update,inspirational moments)
Mon. Just another manic monday (work post -pissin & moanin, occ.inspirational)
Tues. Existential angst ( just about anything)
Wed. Haiku Wednesday
Thur. Show & Tell (do a meme).
Note: Subject to change without notice.
Here we go again........
For those of you just joining... regular programing has just resumed. I've been forced into it. Ok i joined willingly; but it must've been in a weak moment or actually in a delusional one.
Ok, i did it last yr. i can do it again. i think i can, i think i can. (I'm talking about Nablopomo - post everyday for the month of November.) Why don't some of you out there join me. I know Noelle is doing it and Lee I think you should. C'mon we'll have a party when it's over; you might even win a prize.
Ok well now I need a list; last year i had a list-better start a list.
I'll be back with the list soon, i promise.
Ok well now I need a list; last year i had a list-better start a list.
I'll be back with the list soon, i promise.
Photo hunter
This weeks theme: Classic
Very stormy here today. I had intented to take some pictures around my town of some of the classic New England facades but the weather forced me inside and my fireplace mantel was all i could come up with.
Joke Friday
( not really a joke- but cute)
DORMITORY:
When you rearrange the letters:
DIRTY ROOM
PRESBYTERIAN:
When you rearrange the letters:
BEST IN PRAYER
ASTRONOMER:
When you rearrange the letters:
MOON STARER
DESPERATION:
When you rearrange the letters:
A ROPE ENDS IT
THE EYES:!
When you rearrange the letters:
THEY SEE
GEORGE BUSH:
When you rearrange the letters:
HE BUGS GORE
THE MORSE CODE:
When you rearrange the letters:
HERE COME DOTS
SLOT MACHINES:
When you rearrange the letters:
CASH LOST IN ME
ANIMOSITY:
When you rearrange the letters:
IS NO AMITY
ELECTION RESULTS:
When you rearrange the letters:
LIES - LET'S RECOUNT
SNOOZE ALARMS:
When you rearrange the letters:
ALAS! NO MORE Z 'S
A DECIMAL POINT:
When you rearrange the letters:
IM A DOT IN PLACE
THE EARTHQUAKES:
When you rearrange the letters:
THAT QUEER SHAKE
ELEVEN PLUS TWO:
When you rearrange the letters:
TWELVE PLUS ONE
AND FOR THE GRAND FINALE:
MOTHER-IN-LAW:
When you rearrange the letters:
WOMAN HITLER
Guilty
If you look closely you can see that 2 out of 3 pumpkins are missing their stalks.
Hence the guilty look (ears back) on Mr. Jackson's face. Forgot to post this yesterday so since i'm still working on a plan for Nablopomo - Hasta luego baby.
Trick or Treat
No treats out here in the blogosphere, but for a trick you can play with the black cat over there >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>(use yr. mouse).
Happy Halloween!!!!
anyone doing Nablopomo?
Chuckles the clown
" A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants"
Quote from Chuckles the clown of the Mary Tyler Moore Show fame.
His Obit:
The tragic death of Chuckles the clown crushed by an elephant while he was wearing a giant peanut suit as master of ceremonies of a parade.
Immortalizing a clown that never existed. I love it.
Possibly the best MTM show ever. The funeral scene where she gets the giggles is a classic.
(Found this is the ole drafts file, don't know where i was going with it (but what else is new). - i know my cousin & I were having a laugh about it last yr. before L's Bar Mitzvah - when we thought we might get a case of the giggles if a certain family member coughed throughout the ceremony - unfortunately/but luckily she didn't make it because i just know we wouldn't have been able to contain ourselves)
Photohunter
The second of pink geraniums last year on my old grey deck.
The last one is a dog fence flag that i put in my garden in hopes of keeping the dog out - it worked.
Joke Friday
YOU'VE GOTTA LOVE DRUNK PEOPLE
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk
(Thanks Suzanne!)
Yes!!!!
The Boston Redsox are once again the American League Champions!!!!!!! GO SOX!!!!!!!
I tried for about 10 minutes to find a picture of Papelbon doin his Riverdance victory dance but to no avail. I am too dog tired from staying up last nite. I had to drive my son to school late and dragged myself into work. I dont' think i was really awake til after lunch.
Timewaster
A phrase started years ago, by a good friend - we were the best little timewasters in the world (I would drop by for coffee in the morning, then before you knew it we'd be having lunch, next we'd decide to go downtown to this little coffee shop where they had the best chocolate cake in the world). The problem being is that i won that title as she has gone on to become a published writer.
And now along comes the internet - a bright and shiny new big timewaster or creative outlet depending on how you look at it.
I see people giving it up all the time - recognizing their addiction? need to do something real? "If it weren't for the Internet, I wouldn't have any friends at all". not true but as you get older how do you meet people (not on bar stools anymore) and the friends you do have, you never actually see cause everyone is too damn busy . At best you talk to them on the phone - another one of my personal favorite little timewasters cause it makes doing those mundane, boring chores more bearable. so where was i going with this? i dunno, just wastin s'more time, i suppose.
Practical
I just joined Photo hunter and this weeks prompt was Practical. I thought it was practical to put my new TV on this beautiful old chest and just drill a couple of holes in the back for all the wires. It was also nicer than any of the TV stands that I brought home and tried first. Found this at a furniture consignment store. 
Joke Friday
How many members of the Bush administration does it take to replace a
lightbulb?
The answer is 10.
1. One to deny that a lightbulb needs to be changed;
2. One to attack the patriotism of anyone who says the lightbulb needs
to be changed;
3. One to blame Clinton for burning out the lightbulb;
4. One to tell the nations of the world that they either favor changing
the lightbulb or support darkness;
5. One to give a billion dollar no-bid contract to Halliburton for the
new lightbulb;
6. One to arrange a photograph of Bush, dressed as a janitor, standing
on a step ladder under the banner "Lightbulb Change Accomplished";
7. One administration insider to resign and write a book documenting in
detail how Bush was literally "in the dark";
8. One to viciously smear #7;
9. One surrogate to campaign on TV and at rallies on how George Bush has
had a strong lightbulb-changing policy all along;
10. And finally, one to confuse Americans about the difference between
screwing a lightbulb and screwing the country.
Joke Friday
Subject: pastor and his donkey
The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.
The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, Posted the following headline:
NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the headlines read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
Alas ... The Bishop was buried the next day.
MORAL OF THE STORY??? Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.
Joke Friday
Careful what you ask for.........
Living Will:
Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said
to her, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some
machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the
plug."
She got up, unplugged the TV and then threw out my beer.
Bitch...
Joke Friday
To commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist,
Julie Andrews made a special appearance at Manhattan's Radio City
Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.
One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things"
from the legendary movie, "Sound Of Music".
Here are the lyrics she used:
Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting,
Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings,
Bundles of magazines tied up in string,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cadillacs and cataracts, and hearing aids and glasses,
Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses,
Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings,
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the pipes leak,
When the bones creak,
When the knees go bad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don't feel so bad.
Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions,
No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions,
Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring,
These are a few of my favorite things.
Back pains, confused brains, and no need for sinnin',
Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin',
And we won't mention our short shrunken frames,
When we remember our favorite things.
When the joints ache,
When the hips break,
When the eyes grow dim,
Then I remember the great life I've had,
And then I don't feel so bad.
(Ms. Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted
over four minutes and repeated encores.) Please share her
clever wit and humor with others who would appreciate it.
Martina McBride-Anyway
Yippee, i figured out how to get utube back on here - i'm not as dumb as i look. Check out her other songs as well,and thanks to Suzanne for turning me on to this.
Footnote: My son came into the computer room after i got this up and i told him to listen(since we have alot of commonalities in music). As soon as it started, he said, "it's Country" (kinda like a curse). I will admit that I am not a huge fan of "country" but good music is good music and I thought she has a nice voice, delivery and message ( which is all but missing in this day and age.)
Humpday Meme
Stolen awhile ago now from over at The Daily Tannebaum (see blogroll).
1. What is your favorite word?
Ordeal evidently - my son says i say it all the time; he's even starting to use it.
2. What is your least favorite word?
Begins with a c.
3. What turns you on (creatively, spiritually or emotionally)?
Music , words, art.
4. What turns you off?
Failures to communicate and nose hair.
5. What is your favorite curse word?
Just one? damnit? Jesus Christ, or for G-d's sake(i'm sorry to say).
6. What sound or noise do you love?
The ocean. but i really liked the sounds the wind was making last nite.
7. What sound or noise do you hate?
Tapping/hitting things/fidgiting noises( like my son makes).
8. What profession, other than your own, would you like to attempt?
Editor, agent, publicist, musician, writer, photographer - any but mine it seems.
9. What profession would you not like to attempt?
Boring, repetitive ones - like mine.
10. If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?
There's a seat at the bar with your friends saved for you, drinks on the house.
If you want to play along, leave a link to your answers in the comments!
The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd
My original title for this post was Savoir because there are some books that you just savoir; you can't wait to get in bed and read them, yet you don't want to read too fast or too much because you just know that you are going to hate it when it ends. The Secret Life of Bees is such a book. The characters are warm & charming and Lily, the main character, lets you into the depths of her soul, her young but wise old soul. I found myself crawling into this book at night or in the morning before i had to get up. These are characters that you just know and love and thus you never want it to end. Well, it ended for me this morning and predictably, I am sad-No more Lily, no more August, Rosaleen, May, Zach, no more crawling into their remarkable world and friendships at the end of the day. This one is definitely taking a place on my Favorite books of all times list and one i might even have to read again. I loved this book. Kudos Sue Monk Kidd.
Joke Friday
A Jewish husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when
this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who was that?"
"Oh, "replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a
divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "But remember, if we get a
divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in
Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more Jaguar in the garage and no
more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his
arm.
"Who's that woman with Moishe?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier, " she replies
writing promt: when was your passion born
My first books were The Bobbsey Twins, Nancy Drew, and Cherry Ames-nurse. Then while still in grade school there was: Diary of a Young girl-Anna Frank and I also read alot of Pearl S Buck.
I consumed Peyton Place and Gone with the Wind and Valley of the Dolls. Write about your first book memory or your favorite book. my first book memory is 1st grade - Dick & Jane (and Spot)- remember learning to read, see Dick run, see Jane run after Dick(wait that doesn't sound right now does it? maybe she was running after Spot.
Favorite book, that's a tough one. I don't think I have "One".
I really really liked: Prince of Tides, The Sorrows of Young Werther, Vonnegut's Cat Cradle, Kate Vaiden, anything by Anais Nin,.....
Not enof time to finish this one now - late for work.
Another one from the dusty old draft file - please feel free to leave yours or a link to yours here.
Joke Friday
Subject: Reagan on Bush (aka "Shrub")
This is a direct quote from the just-published REAGAN DIARIES
It is dated May 17, 1986.
'A moment I've been dreading. George brought his ne're-do-well son around
this morning and asked me to find the kid a job. Not the political one who
lives in Florida. The one who hangs around here all the time looking
shiftless. This so-called kid is already almost 40 and has never had a real
job. Maybe I'll call Kinsley over at The New Republic and see if they'll
hire him as a contributing editor or something. That looks like easy work.'
Jane Tomlinson
"Jane....exemplified qualities of the human spirit that most peoplre can only aspire to."
Yes, she was truly inspirational and remarkable. Another great article about her here.
Worst news...
I was just simple appalled last nite when i read this online. It is utterly mindboggling how human beings could do these things; worse than any animals.
So many hats....
...so little time. Yikes these 18 hr. days are killin me.
(I was disappointed i couldn't find a pic. of a woman doing this.)
6:20AM -mommy hat - make lunch send #1 son off to school
7:30 public servant hat: leave for jury duty ( yippee day off of work- i hope i get picked)
11:30 No hat- relieved of jury duty - damn. play hookey for rest of the day - feel just like i remember when i was a kid ( exuberant).
12:30 Movers hat: Return too large bookcase
1:00 Decorators hat: deliberate my decorating dilemmas
2:30 Mom hat- greet kid and head out to shop
6:00 Chauffeur hat - take kid to store for some needed school supply
7:00 Errand girl hat: food shop
7:30 Chef hat on and rattling the damn pots
8:00 Mom hat: dinner conversation
8:30 Maid hat - clean up dinner
9:00 Hairdresser hat - quick haircut for the spouse
10:00 Maid hat still on - throw laundry in
11:00 Correspondent hat - check emails from coaches, etc.
12:00 Blogger hat: Check blog - try to think of a coherent post fore bed.
12:20 Bedtime for Bonzo. Do not look at the to-do list, collect brush teeth, and take a deep breath cause...
in six short hours you get to do it all again!!
Joke Friday
There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is"UP."
It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?
We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other tim es the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.
And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.
We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. I f you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP
When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.
When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.
One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so.......... it is time to shut UP....!
Oh . . one more thing:
What is the first thing you do in the morning &the last thing you do at night? U-P
Patient
Usually i'm writing about the recalcitrant patient but today was one of those increasingly rare moments when I really, really liked the patient. but then she was extraordinary. First thing I do when i pick up a chart is to look at the date of birth, she was only 48 or 49- usually one of my favorites, no real problems other than needs reading glasses. When she got up from her chair in the waiting room and started walking towards me, I knew she had had a stroke. While taking the medical history she confirmed this. As I did the exam i sensed her wonderful spirit and liked her immediately.
Then she asked me, " do you like your job?". hmm. how should i answer that question this time. sensing i could trust her, I just plain said, "No." She laughed.
Then she asked me, " do you like your job?". hmm. how should i answer that question this time. sensing i could trust her, I just plain said, "No." She laughed.
or what about when they say "you're so patient"- if they only knew what i'm thinking.
insouciant
insouciant \in-SOO-see-uhnt\, adjective:Marked by lighthearted unconcern or indifference; carefree; nonchalant.
Now there's a nice word, one i wish i could use to describe myself; instead of melancholy, moody, and the worst one: depressed.
Personality
(Wow, i must be really bored- i found this in drafts from a year ago and took it again with just about the same results).
| Your Five Factor Personality Profile |
 Extroversion: You have medium extroversion. You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party. Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences. But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time." Conscientiousness: You have low conscientiousness. Impulsive and off the wall, you don't take life too seriously. Unfortunately, you sometimes end up regretting your snap decisions. Overall, you tend to lack focus, and it's difficult for you to get important things done. Agreeableness: You have medium agreeableness. You're generally a friendly and trusting person. But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism. You get along well with others, as long as they play fair. Neuroticism: You have low neuroticism. You are very emotionally stable and mentally together. Only the greatest setbacks upset you, and you bounce back quickly. Overall, you are typically calm and relaxed - making others feel secure. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. |
Joke Friday
A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says aloud, "Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?"
The parrot says, "I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot."
"Holy crap," the guy replies. "You actually understood and answered me!"
"I got every word," says the parrot. "I happen to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird."
"Oh yeah?" the guy asks, "Then answer this -- how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?"
"Well," the parrot says, "this is very embarrassing but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers."
"Wow," says the guy. "You really can understand and speak English can't you?"
"Actually, I speak both Spanish and English, and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics, religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology. You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion."
The guy looks at the $20000 price tag. "Sorry, but I just can't afford that."
"Pssssssst," says the parrot, "I'm defective, so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can probably get me for $20; just make the guy an offer!"
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the parrot goes, "Psssssssssssst," and motions him over with one wing. "I don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife and the postman."
"What are you talking about?" asks the guy.
"When the postman delivered the mail today, your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie."
"WHAT???" the guy asks incredulously. "THEN what happened?"
"Well, then the postman came into the house and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over," reported the parrot.
"NO!" he exclaims. "And she let him?"
"Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie! , got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over...."
Then the frantic guy demands, "THEN WHAT HAPPENED?"
"Damned if I know. I got a hard-on and fell off my perch!"
Since i'm not capable of a proper post right at the moment
In case you're in the mood for one of these mindless online quizs.
 | rdl took the free ColorQuiz.com personality test! "Urgently in need of rest, relaxation, peace, and a..."
|
Joke Friday
When Bill and Hillary first got married Bill said, "I am putting a box
under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 30
years of marriage, Hillary never looked. On the afternoon of their 30th
anniversary, curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and
peeked inside.
In the box were 3 empty beer cans and $81,874.25 in cash.
She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew
what
was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why there even was such a
box
with such contents. That evening, they were out for a special
anniversary dinner.
After dinner, Hillary could no longer contain her curiosity and she
confessed, saying, "I am so sorry, Bill. For all these years, I kept my
promise and never looked into the box under our bed. However, today the
temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know, why do
you keep the 3 beer cans in the box?"
Bill thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these years you
deserve to know the truth. Whenever I was unfaithful to you, I put an
empty beer can in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."
Hillary was shocked, but said, "Hmmm, Jennifer, Paula and Monica. I am
very
disappointed and saddened by your behavior. However, since you are
addicted
to sex I guess it does happen and I guess 3 times is not that bad
considering your problem."
Bill thanked her for being so understanding. They hugged and made their peace.
A little while later Hillary asked Bill, "So why do you have all that
money
in the box?"
Bill replied "Well, whenever the box filled up with empty cans, I took
them to the recycling center and redeemed them for cash."
Shouldn't be doing any negative Hilary jokes here as she might be my pick - her or Obama. Am i dreaming to think a woman or a black man could be president?
Site meter
I love my site meter. It is perhaps one of my favorite things about blogging. maybe it's because I had a stamp colletction when i was young - i remember loving looking and touching those stamps and imagining those places. I like seeing where people hail from but i also like to see how long they've stayed- i admit it I like attention. when i only had 2 visitors in a day - i seriously considered throwing in the towel but then i reminded myself that after all this is just writing practice/just putting pen to paper or fingers to keys, that' all.
This is one of those saved drafts from last yr. What's yr. relationship with site meter?
7 P's
Passion- creativity
Purpose - driving my son to fields: football, baseball and the basketball court
Pursuit - of happiness of course
Position - ophthalmic technician
Pummeling - patients
Progress - slow
Personality - good, i hope, funny at times.
Where do i find these things? Join in if you care.
Joke Friday
Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women
Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the
University of Phoenix:
The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment
with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple.
Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her
immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write
the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner
that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will
read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to
the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me.
The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on
back-and-forth.
Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order
to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking
outside of the e-mails and anything you w ish to say must be
written in the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a
conclusion has been reached."
The following was actually turned in by two of his English
students:
Rebecca and Gary.
THE STORY:
(first paragraph by Rebecca)
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted.
The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at
home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier
times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all cost,
keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she
thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again.
So chamomile was out of the question.
(second paragraph by Gary)
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack
squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to
think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo
named Lau rie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago.
"A.S . Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic
communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so
far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam
flashed out of nowhere and blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay.
The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and
across the cockpit.
(Rebecca)
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he
felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one
woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth
stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited
her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent
wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose
one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.
(Gary)
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live.
Thousands of miles above the city, the Anudrian mothership
launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted, wimpy
peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace Disarmament Treaty
through the Congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien
empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two
hours after the passage of the treaty, the Anudrian ships were on course for
Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet.
With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The
lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimp eded. The President, in his
top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of
Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
poor, stupid Laurie.
(Rebecca)
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature.
My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate
adolescent.
(Gary)
Yeah? Well, my writing partner is a self-centered tedious
neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium.
"Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of
F--KING TEA??? Oh no, what am I to do? I'm such an air-headed
bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
(Rebecca)
Asshole.
(Gary)
Bitch
(Rebecca)
F__K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL.
(Gary)
Go drink some tea - whore.
(TEACHER)
A+ - I really liked this one.
Birthday Blues
Just the Facts:
Births: Madonna, James Taylor
Deaths: Elvis Presly, Babe Ruth
Been thinking about writing a Birthday post all day but now when I finally can sit down to write it, the ideas are all gone, fanished like the day - it's Midnite - time to turn in the shoes.
8:00 - 12:00 Work
12:15 - ultrasound appt. those 10 min while the technician went to talk to the dr. seemed like an hour - i had myself dead & buried 3 times - doing the math- lets' see Mom was 38 when she had me and i was 21 when she died, so she ws 59 and i was 16 when she got it, so she was 55 - My Age!! so is my time up, is this it? I start making deals, just let me live til Luke is out of school....
The Radiologist finally comes back in & tells me its just some cysts - end of story - i beat it out of there fast.
It's a Beautiful Day^^^^^^^^^^^^^(US playing in head).Looking at the beautiful blue sky and thanking G-d for letting me live.
2:20 My wonderful boy hands me his old IPod with 200 songs on it for me and a really nice card. We head to the beach ( my favorite place) but just for 1/2 an hr. cause he has a Football Scrimmage.
4:15 Leave for the scrimmage, get lost, but get there in time.
7:15 Game over
8:30 finally sitting in the restaurant with a glass of wine. Ahhh and delicious food.
9:45 get lost on the way home
10:30 unload diswasher and dryer/fold towels/pour another glass of wine.
11:30 talk to best friend on phone for a 1/2 hr. forget about any coherent post now.
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