Joke Friday


Well I started the week with Manic Monday, followed by Terrible Tuesday, skipped humpday (wednesday) played instead and Thurs.I managed to change the template of my blog "all my myself", got rid of that awful white print and posted a saved draft about my favorite subject. Wish I was more computer savvy and could really change things but I will have to settle for just being able to get my links back for now. Anyway, I thought I would end the week with a joke(I used to know a few from when I was a bartender and then there are the ones I get sent- i'll see what I can come up with) and maybe start a new tradition here, I hope I don't offend anyone.

A recently divorced woman spent the day packing her belongings into boxes,crates, and suitcases. On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things. On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar,and abottle of Chardonnay.
When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods. She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the
first few days. Then slowly, the house began to smell. They tried
everything, cleaning, mopping, and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead
rodents and the carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung
everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during
which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to
replace the expensive wool carpeting.

Nothing worked. People stopped coming over to visit. Repairmen refused to
work in the house. The maid quit. Finally, they could not take the stench
any longer and decided to move. A month later, even though they had cut
their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.

Word got out, and eventually, even the local realtors refused to return
their calls. Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank
to purchase a new place. The ex-wife called the man, and asked how things
were going. He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely, and said that she missed her old home terribly, and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back. Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day. She agreed, and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the
moving company pack everything to take to their new home, including the curtain rods.

I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING. DON'T YOU?

Adventures with Luke

Last Saturday was a bad day for yard sales in New England;it was rainy and dreary. They've become like a tradition with us and since the season is just about over we went anyway. Nothing was found or bought but a good day for an adventure.
When we got to one yard sale there was a man in wheelchair struggling to get up the long drive. I asked him if I could help and he said yes, so I pushed him up the drive to the garage. I glanced at Luke ,taking up the rear and taking it all in, and I thought: Lessons learned not taught.
Next stop to get pumpkins. We do spend alot of time laughing at each other,especially in the car when I'm dancing to rap music. Luke thinks I'm a riot or idiot, I'm not sure. He complained that I have kidnapped him and I tell him " Yup I have". 1 for Mom.

Just for fun!

I wasn't actually tagged on this one,I found it on FTS blog inviting anyone who wants to play. I volunteered because I like to play and this one was easy and well I guess I already have cabin fever and I don't have anything else ready to post, if the truth be known. So anyone else who wants to play, please do.

Fill in the blank:


Feeling _____ (stressed.)

Listening to _____ (Rock & Roll - Dave Matthews and Sarah Macclaughlin

Am currently working on _____ (my blog, what else.)

Spent last night _____ (surfing blogs.)

Had breakfast of _____ (coffee and bagel.)

Missing _____ (my dad.)

Thinking of _____ (too much.)

Would love to _____ (be on an Island.)

Planning to _____ (keep on truckin.)

Wanting to _____ (be on an Island.)

Favourite time of the day is _____ (evening/quiet)

Really hate _____ ( prejudiced people)

Always wanted to play _____ (piano better or bass)

Dreaming of an _____ (island.)

Would love to French kiss _____ (don't know)

A dream come true is when _____ (I look out my window and see the ocean.)

Terrible tuesday

It is so cold in my house that I haven't taken my coat off and I've been home for over an hour. Raw, cold, gloomy weather we are having. Ya gotta love New England, or why else would you live here? I say that all the time, I don't know why we live here? And I don't know the answer other than maybe you were born here and have relatives here. The winters are long and cold and the summers short, hot and humid. Spring & Fall rainy. I don't know if I am going to post all week like this but it reminds me of what we say in our family about child developement: The terrible twos, the horrible threes followed by the fearsome fours. When they hit five ( the age of reason) they start Kindegarten and start learning something about The Rules and the consequences. I think I need to get outside, uh-oh I already have cabin fever and it's not even Halloween.

Manic Monday

I pulled myself out of bed today and dragged myself to work. My back hurt, felt kind of out, like it gets from time to time. I was tired from my usual lack of sleep and just plain not in a good mood. I felt physical, psychologically and emotional a little spent from all the drama on the homefront.
I was awfully glad to see all the junk food there: donuts and coffee cake, just what I needed- some sugar to go with my coffee to keep me going to lunchtime.

After lunch ,when I called in yet another patient to work up, I was a little surprised by what I saw. I've worked in the health care field for almost 20 years; everytime I have thought I've seen or heard it all something else has come along to further surprise me. The patient walking towards me was walking on metal artificial limbs, when he got into the room and sat in the exam chair I noticed that he had only one deformed hand showing, the other arm was hidden within the sleeve of his sweatshirt. On top of all this he suffered from psychosis, it said in his record. He came without much medical history and I couldn't imagine how all this had happened to him. But it did make me feel bad about all my complaining earlier.

The sunday funnies




Been too busy blog hopping and drafting of late to post anything. Growing up in NJ we used to call the comics in the Sun. paper "the funnies". It was the first and sometimes only thing I read and sometimes still is.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

Happy Happy Joy Joy is an expression that I picked up from a friend of mine. We usually use it when we don't like whats going on, so i guess that doesn't count cause it's sarcasm. But I do think that we are reminding ourselves to "Be happy/joyful despite what is bringing us down. Remember that song "Be happy don't worry be happy", that was so catchy? It's playing in my head as I write this. Thanks Melly for tagging me and reminding me to look for the Joy.

I did a search of my blog for the word Joy- No Joy :( . There is also no happiness, delight, amusement or pleasure. This did not make me happy. But there was Happy. The first post with happy in it is my Happy Fourth of July post which is just the title and a picture of the Statue of Liberty that I took last April Vacation whenI was happily visiting NY with my son.

From my You say it's your birthday.... : Do whatever makes you happy! Dance in yr. b-day suit. Drink champagne for breakfast. Celebrate all day, all week, all month if you can get away with it. I'm gonna try.
(But I was definitely not happy when those yellowjackets charged me.)

From http://rlaban.blogspot.com/2005/07/baton-twirler-vs-bookworm_31.html : Just a picture of contradictions I am:Leo/Aquarius, the batontwirler/the bookworm, happy/sad.
(Yin/Yang)

From http://rlaban.blogspot.com/2005/07/meme-meme-meme.html ( my first tag).
Question number 4: If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?1. To see my son grow up and love what he does and have children.2. To have a job/career that I love; ie: be an artist (writer, musician or photographer). 3. Be happy
(If it only could be so easy)

So now let's see I am just tagging Patry :http://simplywait.blogspot.com/and Jeanettehttp://musingsofamiddle-agedwoman.blogspot.com/ if they want and anyone else who wants to.

By the way i can't seem to remember how to get these hyperlinks to just have the person's name or the post that I want to link to without having the entire url. See rules below.


THE SEARCH FOR JOY

Search your blog for the word "“joy" used in the context of "“happiness."” If you cannot find the word in your weblog, you may use any of the select list of synonyms below.

joy --— amusement, bliss, cheer, comfort, delectation, delight, ecstasy, elation, exaltation, exultation, exulting, felicity, gaiety, gladness, glee, good humor, gratification, happiness, hilarity, humor, jubilance, liveliness, merriment, mirth, pleasure, rapture, regalement, rejoicing, revelry, satisfaction, wonder

If your weblog does not include a built-in search engine, then you can use Google to search it only for the word you wish to find.

If you’ve found the word and it was not used facetiously or sarcastically, good for you. All you need to do is link to your earlier entry, and write a few words about that joyous moment. If, however, you have no joy (whole words only) in your weblog, you must dig deep in your soul and find something wonderful in your life right now. One little thing that fills you with warmth, that bubbles you over with quiet happiness, or tickles you with its good-hearted hilarity, or makes you glad you just took a breath, and are getting ready to take another. It doesn't have to be anything big. A smile someone gave you; your cat on your shoulder; the way the light angles through your window and casts rainbows on your floor. All it has to be is something genuine, something real, something that matters to you.

Because we all need joy in our lives, and need to take the time -- from time to time --— to recognize it. And sometimes, we need to pass it on.

Even if we're a big pain in the ass when we do.

When you'’ve dealt with your own joy, pass the quest on to five other bloggers.
http://www.blogger.com/:"> ">

LBD (Little black dress)


The wedding was nice, if you like weddings. I don't particularly and I don't know when this changed because I think I used to. I vaguely remember crying at them and smiling at the loving couple.
The dinner the night before was delicious and fun ; the restaurant overlooked the city - loved all the lights. Instead of getting my usual white wine I decided I wanted a festive cocktail; so after a little thought I came up with an Apple Martini. The waiter came back and informed me that they weren't making "martini's". I just said "Oh, well I saw someone drinking a Margarita?", at which he said," Do you want one of those?" but I didn't and I couldn't come up with anything else quickly so I just said "I'll have a chardonnay". Well much to my surprise the cute little waiter ( my new best friend) came back with the "Apple Martini". I think it was the best drink I've ever had. I only had the one and switched to red wine to go with the Filet Mignon. Unfortunately I found Apple Martini's and red wine don't go well, shoulda stuck with my usual white.

The best part of the wedding was the dancing and watching my 11 yr. old son learn some pretty wild dance moves from his crazy uncle. As for the LBD, I did find one that I fell in love with but the sticker shock prevented me from purchasing it. After much searching I found a real beauty on the sale rack and even found an incredible pair of shoes at payless that matched to a tee. The dress was this chocolate brown with tasteful beading and sequins and an equally tasteful sheer neckline and plunging back. Since brown seems to be the hot color right now I was so impressed that I was actually in style. The only problem was when I got to the wedding I saw that chocolate brown was the color that the bridesmaids were wearing. My stepdaughter joked that I looked like the mother of the bride in that dress but the mother of the bride had a completely different outfit of course. When I was in the ladies room, someone that I had met complimented me on the dress and then actually asked me if I color coordinated with the wedding. I wanted to scream, " are you completely insane?" If I had known I never woulda bought the sale dress but the cute LBD.
The best part of the trip was seeing my old friend even if just in between dinners and wedding. The 12 hr. ride home I could've done without. I never did get to explore 'my' new IBook; Luke was watching movies on it. Lots of people this weekend raved about the movie "Wedding Crashers", I will have to rent it now that the wedding trip is over.

Flights of fancy


Recently I read a post about not liking to vacation. Well I hate to pack and have even had nightmares about it: missing planes, trying to pack all this stuff(like boxes and boxes of books/shoes,etc.- but maybe that's the moving dream I have mixed up here). And I also always forget things in the dreams and real life. Usually hair products/make up in the dreams. This trip we got about a mile or two when I remembered what I'd forgotten and yelled, "I forgot my "jewelry"; we turned back and I got it and of course I grabbed a couple other things while I made my mad dash through the house. We don't always turn back tho; like when we are 1/2 way to Logan airport in Boston and I remember that I forgot my sunglasses - just buy a cheap pair when you get there.

I've also noticed that I have turned into a hypochondriac when I go away; packing bandaids, eye drops, ibuprofen, old Rx's just in case my back goes out.
But usually when I get there I'm enthralled and ready to move. Anyplace seems better than home with the mundane,problems and all.

On the road


ok did i actually read that Jack Kerouac book? or am i thinking of Wllie Nelson's singing "on the road again". ok all you book aficionados: who wrote "Been down so long looks like up to me"? (answer at the end of post) i'll give you time to think or google.

Leaving tomorrow on a road trip to Pittsburgh til Sun. Should take about 12 hrs. I don't know which I hate more long road trips or flying.Going to a family wedding(not my family) and bringing the kids (g-d help me). But at the end of the rainbow there is a good friend waiting. Happens that one of my very dear old (have to be careful bout using that word now - but i mean we go way back) friends lives there and have wanted to visit her for ages so now i will; in between the dinners and wedding. So I am going to plug in that laptop that has been gathering dust and maybe get used to it on the road.

Wish i could write it upside down.. but... it's Richard Farina. I wonder how many actually knew that.

Field of dreams


Watched Field of Dreams tonite with my 11 yr. old son. I vaguely remember seeing it years ago and thinking it was a little "hokey" for my taste. But watching it tonite with my son reminded me that sometimes the magic works. He was totally into it, wanting to believe and enjoying every magically moment. It showed me how totally jaded us grown ups can be, not to be able to believe anymore. It was nice to just sit back and let the magic happen.

Yard sale

Hit the yard sales last sat. morning with my son. Arlo Guthrie was playing on the radio as we pulled out of the driveway; doing the long story before the song about the pickle and the motorcickle; was so glad when L. found it amusing too. We spent $2.65; L. purchased a Red Sox collectors baseball with a picture of Fenway Park all over it for $2. The asking price was $4, when we declined the kid selling it dropped the price 1/2 and he even offered to go get the plastic case for it that was in his room. Someone should give that kid a lesson on marketing. If it had been in the plastic case we might have payed his asking price. Then at the next yard sale I found a book that I've wanted to read, Cheat and Charmer by Elizabeth Frank, for a quarter! The hardcover edition that I saw at Borders a few months back but couldn't afford the sticker price. Books and baseballs, life is good.

Spilt wine

Saturday I started the day off with my 11 yr. old son telling me " no eating upstairs" ( my mantra), I said ok and he took the plastic bowl of roasted soybeans (which we don't even like, but better than eating chips) downstairs; well almost, he spilled them all over the stairs. We both cleaned them up,the dog did too( he liked them ).
I ended the day spilling my wine all over the desk while I was trying desperately to figure out why I couldn't get online(I'm not addicted). After plugging and unplugging everything it seems to be up and running, altho on refection I should have just shutdown, sat down( with the wine and my book) and called it a day. Moral of the story: Don't cry over spilt soybeans but you can over spilt wine.

You know you are old


when you reach up and find a pair of reading glasses on top of your head while you are wearing a pair with one side thing missing(what is that part of the glasses called again?). And there's another way that you know- you forget what things are called and where things are or where you put them. I don't lose my car on a regular basis I just plain never remember where I parked it(this happens at the Mall or supermarket usually). And then there is this - I have to go back and retrace my steps (walk back upstairs) to remember why I went downstairs in the first place. So what's next? I did go and buy 2 more pairs of glasses so I threw out that broken pair. Now I have a pair on the nightstand, here at the computer desk, downstairs in the kitchen, in my pocketbook and in my labcoat. I guess next I can get one of those string things and wear them around my neck .

Blogness

Ok so what is this a blog about blogging? Have I bored everyone to tears yet? Have I managed to chase away the few people that actually frequented this site? One day she threatens quitting, the next she's back singing a ditty. I guess those guys residing on my shoulders intend to fight to the death. I need to get some new material for those guys then, maybe a few jokes. And what will I write about when I stop beating the blog thing to death? Okay I could start with those saved drafts, maybe tomorrow.

Feel my best

Staring at this screen, typing on these keys. Writing a post or reading a post. Commenting on someone's blog or reading one of mine. Of course I still have my doubts about why I am even doing this, for what purpose. But then the guy on the other shoulder pipes in,"Does everything have to have a purpose, can't you just enjoy it, get on with it." To which the 1st guy chimes in sarcastically,"yea, there is a purpose, a purpose on to heaven". Well i've been struggling with that one for many years so wasting/spending a little time on here shouldn't matter at all.

Ain't gonna work on Maggie's Blog no more


How blog obsessed am I really? I promised myself last night when the clock was ticking towards midnight, and I was still reading posts and comments, that I wasn't going to blog this morning, and here I am even before coffee. I decided to conduct a test of how many times I do come back to this darn computer during the course of my supposed getting things done. It is now 10:25 (an unusually late start for me, but I am sleep deprived and it's my day off.) I've gotten dressed - pulled on some jeans and still wearing sleep t-shirt. I remember I wanted to send off a quick email to friend. Finally to the coffee which I need badly if I'm ever going to get going here. I'm feeling like one of those little kids, in the backseat of a car,whose parents challenge them not to talk for 5 min.

A friend called and I talked on the phone while I drank my coffee. Then I found an excuse to go back online - I discovered a credit card payment due by 1:00 PM today or lots of fees, 0% rate and goes up to g-d knows what; very good excuse to go back on but the computer's running extremely slow and I have to sign up for this online payment - managed to beat the clock and got it done with 20 min. to spare. Checked email, fired off one and now it's time for those damn bathrooms - I'm going in, it's 1:40.

I lied I still haven't done them. Found another overdue bill, so I went back on under the pretext of paying the bill, which I did, but of course I cruised a few blogs/comments. Well I am making myself a promise(year right, I know another one from the world class promise breaker) I will not get back on here until I'm done cleaning. Note- someday I am going to have a cleaning lady, then what will I procrastinate about. Well there is always the paperwork. And I wonder why it never looks like anything got done at the end of the day.

Dylan


Watching the Dylan special was great except for seeing how old he looks. I liked the clips of him when he was young better. The thing I really liked was what Liam Clancy said to him one nite in a bar after about 100 pints of Guiness. "Never forget Bob, no fear, no envy, no meaness."

word lover


I'm a lover of words, is there a word for that? but then I am a lover of music too and art and photography and film. Words like music are fascinating because of the endless possibilities. I don't dabble in art so I don't know about that and in photography I guess there are the endless opportunities,finding the light just right, framing your subject just right and of course taking that picture that tells a thousand words. So there are book lovers, music lovers, art lovers,film lovers, poetry lovers(tho there seems to be more poetry haters from what i read in the blogosphere), blog lovers (from what i hear) and just plain lovers of words.

Deep purple


Discovered the other nite that my 11 yr. old son and i have another song in common, smoke on water by Deep purple. If you don't know it, you would if i hummed a few bars. It's scary that we have the same taste in music. From rap to reggae and back to the oldies. Today he asked me if he could borrow my Police CD. But then I do remember watchin, what the heck was that show with the bubble machine? Lawrence Welk with my mother, remember the polkas. Ok i realize I just made myself ancient history. But then I did see the Beatles on Ed Sullivan. I saw Bruce Springsteen in a small theatre right after his 1st album, Greetings from Asbury Park. And I saw Bonnie Raitt in a small club in NYC before her first album came out, she opened for John Lee Hooker. Boom Boom Boom Boom. Oh yeah and I saw The Who and BB King at the Filmore East. I would've loved to see the Stones this summer if tickets weren't the price of a car payment.

blogging is better than sex

Ok I will admit it,this is another one of my ploys to attract readers. And we all know that the title is not true. I remember once a waitress that i worked with saying, "Lobster is better than sex..you always know it's gonna be good." and then i bet there are tons of chocoholics who would testify to chocolate being better than....but blogging? well but...there's always someone to blog with, you don't ever have to fake blogging and if it's not a good blog well there's always another.
sounds like a good blog joke to me.

keep on bloggin

To the tune of Truckin by the Grateful Dead
Bloggin
like the doodah man
i keep bloggin
got keep bloggin along
well i'm back by popular demand. Joke. Ok i gotta admit, when i am ready to quit is when no one has been by to check in, check me out, whatever. But give me a couple of visitors and I'm ready for round 4. Except when i come across a really exceptional blog: you know the ones with thousands of hits,loads of comments and brillant words, then i am ready to do the ostrich thing again. Well lets just call this baby bloggin, ya know, baby steps, just one step, one word at a time.
got a keep bloggin along.

Giving up blogging

Giving up blogging til i get the weeding done, the checkbook balanced, the bills paid/paperwork done,the school and activities schedules figured out, the bathrooms cleaned, and everything else i've forgotten or avoided. This was a saved draft of reasons to stop; but now i have a new one to add. Unless i am writing this for myself, no one reads this drivel except a couple of old friends and a couple of cyber friends and then those occasional search engine people looking for bedroom eyes.

Blogging is just the newest and greatest form of time wasting for me because you can say you need it for your underfed creative soul or to work on your chops and to hell with the dirty bathrooms.

Poison Ivy


Remember that song? guess I'm dating myself now. It was kinda catchy (sorry I really didn't mean that as a pun). My poison ivy is not going away;looks like 3rd degree burns with those blister bubbles. Started steroids 3 days ago and it still looks like the poison ivy is winning. I was told the steroids can make you loopy, and i said,"what loopier?". Then i started worrying about my state of mind which already is not good these days; i didn't know if loopy would be a good to add to the mix. But i think steroids just act like caffeine . It's time for me to get a dose of both. Just wondering if anyone out there ever burst the blister/bubbles before I try it.

Books


If books arent' selling as I have heard, how come there is always a line at Borders. What about the price of books? Maybe that has something to do with it. Who can afford them at these prices. I was so excited when i found an old fashioned small version of the Shreve book that i wanted to read on vacation - The Last time they met. Working people books . Sure those bigger versions are nice,but I don't want to marry the book I just want to read it, and i'd rather get two books.

Bedroom Eyes II


I just figured out how to work site meter. I'm wondering if anybody else does this? click on all the visit info on the people that have visited your site. Its interesting to see where they're from and how they found you. The most popular way thus far of locating my blog it seems is from a search engine of bedroom eyes, which brings up the blog post(May19th) of a poem I wrote many years ago. I'm sure they are disappointed when they find it; i can only imagine what they were looking or hoping for. Interesting marketing tool tho; if i were trying to attract a larger readership I could just make sure all the titles either had a body part or something erotic in the title. Hmmm... well not to disappoint I included this picture - the best I could come up with.

Still thinking

what to write about now?

Well, with the hurricane and the hurricane victims and the stories of the hurricane and the victims and the controversay over whose fault it is and how did something like this even happen in the richest country of the world it's hard to think or write about anything else. Then there are the problems right in your own backyard that are too devastating themselves to talk about. I guess i'll be back when i can figure it all out and put one word in front of another.

some good news finally

For some great news: go to ... http://www.simplywait.blogspot.com/
yes, hope prevails.

crying shame



Well it seems our illustrious President(synonymous with jackass) has proven his total ineffectiveness/uselessness once again. where was he and what was he doing during the first 48 hrs. of this disaster. On vacation I think i heard. well he should've gotten his ass back to his House for an emergency meeting. The response seemed so slow, so inadequate. Pictures are frighteningly eerie of a 3rd world country - but I guess it is just like one now .
It's amazing how quick he was able to bomb Iraq and muster all that strength. Too bad he couldn't amass those forces for good to save people's lives.

http://www.flickr.com/people/lotuslynn/

Prayer


I'm not a regular to prayer but I can see why people are. My thoughts and prayers are with the victims in New Orleans and Iraq. Always feel at a loss at times like this; wish I could go help.

comments


What is it about the comments feature on these blogs. Although I regularly say I am going to give this new hobby/habit up and go clean the bathrooms, I continue to do it. I guess it fills a need, a void; a need to be creative/ a need to be heard. So i guess that is why when you see that someone has left a comment it is so nice, makes you happy, even makes you smile sometimes.

sleep deprivation


Every morning when i drag myself from bed and into work, i swear that i'm going to go to bed as soon as i get home. Then i get home and i muster up enough energy to get a few things done. Then it's usually time to drive my son to the sport practice of the season. And then it's the worse time of day... dinner time. Once that dilemma is solved, i usually get my second wind and start sweeping the floors, wish i oddly find therapeutic and which i usually do on a daily basis (with a cat and a dog). Then when everyone else goes to bed and i have the place to myself it is far too tempting to stay up. So that is why i am chronically sleep deprived. For some reason i just don't like to go to bed. Anyone else have this problem?

Overwhelmedness


Yes I know that's not a word but I think it should be. Ive said this before, haven't I? You know, the constant state of being overwhelmed. Laundry, cat box, bills, toilets, dust, paper, vacuum, weed, paint, projects,etc. Not enof time in the day, what with having to work and drive the kids to their activities and social engagements. Oh and I forgot, shop, cook, clean up. I always say I could stay up all nite and still not get everything done. For us wannabee perfectionists that is disheartening news - everything will never be in it's place, laundry done, folded, put away. I did skip iron, however; I gave that up years ago.
Just looked up overwhelmed in the dictionary: surge over and submerge, engulf. to over come completely either physically or emotionally. but on a positive note you can be overwhelmed by the enthusiastic reception. One can only hope.

Turmoil


Living with a teenager is hell, especialy if you are the evil stepmom. It's round 3 maybe 4 or 5 of the custody thing between her mom and dad (she's decided she wants to live with us but there is the issue of her finishing her Sr.year there.
At the age of 4 my stepdaughter was in 2 weddings, her mom's and her dad's. I remember one night when I was watching her and we were having dinner, just the two of us, and she said to me calmly, " you're not marrying my Dad, you're marrying L. And my dad's marrying my mom. It's not that she didn't like us then(me and her future stepdad), she just wanted her parents together. When we moved to our second house I don't remember why or what precipitated it but I remember saying to her, you still wish they were together and she said "yes" and we talked about that for a little bit.
I just thought of something, lest I appear the protagonist; her mother and father were not married and not even together any more when we met. Just wanted to clarify that point as not to appear the housewrecker.
Just can't wait for the dust to settle over here.

Full moon


Driving home tonite from the Antigone Rising & John Butler Trio concert in Boston there was a beautiful full moon; now that explains the birtday calamity. But tonite made up for it. We had a great time, was so fun. Luke's first concert and as for me I can't remember my last, yes I can it was Bonnie Raitt before Luke was born so about 13 yrs. ago. Then we went to the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner. In the bathroom there was a picture of this guru guy smiling in orange robes that I recognized but couldn't remember his name. The quote under his picture read...
Living is lost in dreaming.
Dreaming is lost in becoming.

The killer bees


The birthday queen was a tad disappointed with her birthday yesterday. I was attacked by a swarm of yellowjackets( man I was right being deathly afraid of bees all my life - did a great job avoiding them til last year when i was stung for the first time) They actually reduced me to a crying blubbering mess that had to be consoled and administered to by my sweet wonderful 11 yr. old boy(he got the ice pack for me). Almost didn't go out to dinner because the 2 Benadryl i took to bring the swelling down almost brought me down.
Then it was like suppose you have a party and no one came. I didn't think anyone read my post but then i found out that 2 old friends did- they just didn't comment. Well there's always next year.
It was just brought to my attention that Madonna, a famous Leo with whom I share a birthday, fell off her horse yesterday and broke her arm. Makes you believe in astrology.

You says its your birthday....well it's my birthday too now


This could be a new meme (The Birthday Meme): My spin on Patry's FIVE THINGS TO DO ON YOUR BIRTHDAY 1. Ok let's face it I'm selfish - I buy myself a present - sometimes more than one. This is a great excuse to buy something you normally wouldn't. And this year I did it up big, i bought myself an Apple ibook laptop ( not to be used by the kids - hopefully) and I can blog at the beach, blog in the car, blog on vaca, blog at baseball and football practice. Blog on the go.
2. Eat cake !! and have seconds if you want, with ice cream!
3. Patry says,"Ask yourself where you came from and where you're going. If the answer is, "I don't know," spoken with marvel and wonder, you're on the right track." Well I have been asking myself this one for a long time and I still haven't got a clue ( i was happy to find out though that this is evidently a good thing and that i'm on the right track - hooray!)
4. Patry says," Thank your mother. Chances are the occasion you're celebrating was a pretty arduous day for her."
Since I can't thank mom or dad anymore I guess I'll have to thank that higher power. Maybe he'll pass it on along to them for me.
5. Do whatever makes you happy! Dance in yr. b-day suit. Drink champagne for breakfast. Celebrate all day, all week, all month if you can get away with it. I'm gonna try.

sometimes you can go home.....

even if just for a little while. Went to the Vineyard (Martha's ) for 2 days. It was a little bit of heaven, except for the tourists. I kept trying to pretend they just weren't there, on my Island. I was so glad when Luke liked it as much as me. I lived there 20 yrs. ago and hadn't been there in 10! and we only live 2 hrs. away(I hour drive to the ferry(45 min ferry ride). Of course it takes a little longer in summer, you have to park yr. car in the next town and take a shuttle to the boat; but it's well worth the trip to the Storybook Island. I always feel like i've left my worries behind when I step onto that Island.




Just another day at the beach


Took Luke & Elizabeth (my friends daughter-who he's been friends with since age 3) to the beach for a late afternoon swim with Jackson. We forgot to bring the long rope that we tie him up to the car with since dogs can't be loose at the beach. So we were forced to hold him on his leash the whole time. Not an easy task. Labs are pure muscle. The kids played with the dog in the water and I tried to keep him from chasing all the throngs of birds that were flying in cool formation over the water. a few minutes later dark clouds formed and it started raining. I guess those birds know there stuff.

blogs, blogs, blogs

Literary vs Personal. I thought I liked the literary ones but turns out the just plan personal ones are more upfront, funny and just plain better. The literary ones tend to be hibrow and boring and oh so self important. The real ones are insightful, thought-provoking, mood-elevating, inspiring, and just damn better.

disco blogger

Developing a bad habit of staying up too late ,workin on posts or reading other peoples blogs. Addictive,just one more blog, one more dance. anyone else have this problem?
well this disco dancer is too tired to blog tonite.

Birth

I've been cheating here lately and just posting old drafts, so here is another one since I am too lazy to finish my vaca post with pictures. But I really don't like the fact that they are not in real time or do not reflect what I am currently thinking about. I am going to try and post not draft in the future. I will have to duke it out with the editor of course.

Jeanette shared her birth story awhile back so I am copycat blogging. I too had an epidurial but I knew I wanted one before I stepped through the door of the hospital. I almost said Epidural when they asked me my name. I have a very low pain threshold ; I never even tolerated menstual cramps very well. My water broke 1st thing before any contractions ;because I was a high risk pregnancy and lived an hr. away from the hospital, we were told to come right in. We were told that we could go to the cafeteria ( but just have a drink or jello). I realized right away that wasn't a good idea. I wanted my room and my bed and I wanted it now. I didn't want to be whimpering and cryin out in the hallways. But getting into my room didn't improve things all that measurably until I got "The Epidural". I was so glad to be pain free that I almost sent my husband out for some bubbly. I had brought music tapes but we never got as far as the mood music. They were now instructing me on pushing this baby out. Only problem was I felt like I was pushing with my shoulders cause I couldn't feel a damn thing below my waist(below my neck, actually). Push what?! So there was the crown of his head and we were not going anywhere. So next thing I knew they're turning the epidural off and I am now in stage 4 or something and the pain is unbelievable. And breathe, forget that, I'm hyperventilating at this point. And my nice nurse had gone off duty and this bitch from hell was not happy with me one bit. I wanted to rip her head off if she told me one more time that I was wasting energy crying/screaming. So there is still no progress and now its been 24 hrs and they are starting to get worried(actually I just think the dr. wanted to go home, cause he went from nice to mean). So now we are moving from the birth/delivery room to a operating room ( just in case they have to do an emergency c-sec.) But first they are trying forceps. Things are getting scary now. So back on goes the Epidural and on the 2nd try they get him out. I am a shaking blubbering mess when they hand me the baby. I will spare you the details on my not an episiotomy.Well I am tired just from reading this, I can't believe I ever actually did it.

just one more load of laundry..

..fore I die ( sounds like a Bob Dylan song.) It's times like these I don't like being a mother.... when I'm sick I don't want to be the mom. I just want to crawl in bed and pull the covers over my head. I wish for the single days when at least if you felt like crap you could just read magazines to take your mind off of how bad you feel. But no matter how bad you feel, (and i felt bad today- let's put it this way if someone would've offered to remove my arm I would've let them), you still have to make dinner or in this case drive to baseball(the driving is the easy part, the hard part is standing around talking to the other parents).
I had another corisone injection in my shoulder and also one in my elbow -that one hurt like hell. Then my arm felt about 100 times worse and I thought,"what the hell did I do that for?" but thankfully it was better the next day. Now I am just praying that it doesn't wear off in 6 wks like last time.( This arm thing has been going on since April). Anyone out there with a nice recovery story from bursitis in the shoulder and tendonitis in the elbow, that will give me some hope?

The baton twirler vs. the bookworm


Just a picture of contradictions I am:
Leo/Aquarius, the batontwirler/the bookworm, happy/sad, smart/haven't got a clue, middle-aged/young at heart, funny/serious, attractive/haggard, creative/dilatante, compliant/searching, uplifting/dark, spirited/heavy-hearted, go-getter/slacker, vivacious/down in the mouth, life of the party/doubting thomas, energetic/lazy...

I guess I could go on and on. I have a memory of thinking about this at a rehearsal for a play I was in when I was 15 (and a baton twirler). Am I outgoing or shy? Do we all have these dualities? Are there any 100% cheerleaders or 100% librarians? I doubt it, I think in the librarian lies the cheerleader looking for an opportunity to break out and in the cheerleader - a part looking for a corner to go hide. Maybe we just spend out lives trying to reconcile all these characters.

Drafts vs. Posts

Seems like i am in a draft phase. Just thinkin of em, jottin em down, titles,ideas. Some of them even writing enough for a post (but the editor won't let me just post). This also could just be my form of ADD bloggin. Ya know, jump from draft to draft; not posting, make believe posting. Non-commital, that's me. Now let's see if i have the nerve to hit post or just draft again. I guess you will be able to tell by the unedited look of things... 10, 9, 8, 7 ....you can do it...6,5,4, just hit it dammit 3,2,1 post.

Lasts

I received this in an email and thought it deserved posting. Better than anything I could think of. Also tonite i happened upon a website post http://bookangst.blogspot.com/ that is also a last unfortunately as it piqued my interest. I must've happened upon it before cause I think it must be where I found the quote about the writers darkside that I wrote about in my July 15th Not Good News post.

Subject: Ben Stein's Last Column... Worth the Read !!!!!
For many years Ben Stein has written a biweekly column called "Monday Night At Morton's." (Morton's is a famous chain of Steakhouses known to be frequented by movie stars and famous people from around the globe.) Now, Ben is terminating the column to move on to other things in his life. Reading his final column is worth a few minutes of your time.Ben Stein's Last Column...
How Can Someone Who Lives in Insane Luxury Be a Star in Today's World?As I begin to write this, I "slug" it, as we writers say, which means I put a heading on top of the document to identify it. This heading is "eonlineFINAL," and it gives me a shiver to write it. I have been doing this column for so long that I cannot even recall when I started. I loved writing this column so much for so long I came to believe it would never end.It worked well for a long time, but gradually, my changing as a person and the world's change have overtaken it. On a small scale, Morton's, while better than ever, no longer attracts as many stars as it used to. It still brings in the rich people in droves and definitely some stars. I saw Samuel L. Jackson there a few days ago, and we had a nice visit, and right before that, I saw and had a splendid talk with Warren Beatty in an elevator, in which we agreed that Splendor in the Grass was a super movie. But Morton's is not the star galaxy it once was, though it probably will be again.Beyond that, a bigger change has happened. I no longer think Hollywood stars are terribly important. They are uniformly pleasant, friendly people, and they treat me better than I deserve to be treated. But a man or woman who makes a huge wage for memorizing lines and reciting them in front of a camera is no longer my idea of a shining star we should all look up to.How can a man or woman who makes an eight-figure wage and lives in insane luxury really be a star in today's world, if by a "star" we mean someone bright and powerful and attractive as a role model? Real stars are not riding around in the backs of limousines or in Porsches or getting trained in yoga or Pilates and eating only raw fruit while they have Vietnamese girls do their nails.They can be interesting, nice people, but they are not heroes to me any longer. A real star is the soldier of the 4th Infantry Division who poked his head into a hole on a farm near Tikrit, Iraq. He cou! ld have been met by a bomb or a hail of AK-47 bullets. Instead, he faced an abject Saddam Hussein and the gratitude of all of the decent people of the world.A real star is the U.S. soldier who was sent to disarm a bomb next to a road north of Baghdad. He approached it, and the bomb went off and killed him.A real star, the kind who haunts my memory night and day, is the U.S. soldier in Baghdad who saw a little girl playing with a piece of unexploded ordnance on a street near where he was guarding a station. He pushed her aside and threw himself on it just as it exploded. He left a family desolate in California and a little girl alive in Baghdad.The stars who deserve media attention are not the ones who have lavish weddings on TV but the ones who patrol the streets of Mosul even after two of their buddies were murdered and their bodies battered and stripped for the sin of trying to protect Iraqis from terrorists.We put couples with incomes of $100 million a year on the covers of our magazines. The noncoms and officers who barely scrape by on military pay but stand on guard in Afghanistan and Iraq and on ships and in submarines and near the Arctic Circle are anonymous as they live and die.I am no longer comfortable being a part of the system that has such poor values, and I do not want to perpetuate those values by pretending that who is eating at Morton's is a big subject.There are plenty of other stars in the American firmament...the policemen and women who go off on patrol in South Central and have no idea if they will return alive; the orderlies and paramedics who bring in people who have been in terrible accidents and prepare them for surgery; the teachers and nurses who throw their whole spirits into caring for autistic children; the kind men and women who work in hospices and in cancer wards.Think of each and every fireman who was running up the stairs at the World Trade Center as the towers began to collapse. Now you have my idea of a real hero.I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters. This is my highest and best use as a human. I can put it another way. Years ago, I realized I could never be as great an actor as Olivier or as good a comic as Steve Martin...or Martin Mull or Fred Willard--or as good an economist as Samuelson or Friedman or as good a writer as Fitzgerald. Or even remotely close to any of them.But I could be a devoted father to my son, husband to my wife and, above all, a good son to the parents who had done so much for me. This came to be my main task in life. I did it moderately well with my son, pretty well with my wife and well indeed with my parents (with my sister's help). I cared for and paid attention to them in their declining years. I stayed with my father as he got sick, went into extremis and then into a coma and then entered immortality with my sister and me reading him the Psalms.This was the only point at which my life touched the lives of the soldiers in Iraq or the firefighters in New York. I came to realize that life lived to help others is the only one that matters and that it is my duty, in return for the lavish life God has devolved upon me, to help others He has placed in my path. This is my highest and best use as a human.Faith is not believing that God can. It is knowing that God will.
By Ben Stein

Fair weather friends



They look hot. Jackson looks like a frog and Dakota looks like a dishrag. After yesterdays terrible post I thought I would show my very much alive and wonderful pets. And also my wonderful boy enjoying the waves at the beach yesterday. Also check it out 2 posts in one day!

Straight

It is always amazing to me at the end of the day, how little I have gotten done. How a whole day has passed and hardly nothing has transpired. There is the laundry, there is the dust, the floors unwashed. But on a positive note, not that anybody noticed, so i have to mention it.... drumroll please... I have posted for 7 days straight! This is a minor miracle, I don't know if i have every done anything 7 days in a row; other than water my plants and feed my kid. Haven't practiced piano 7 days in a row since I was a kid. Certainly haven't ever exercised 7 days in a row. So having broke my record my D&G(doom and gloom) prediction is that you will probably see less of me now. Who you are I don't know, since I think Patti is the only one who reads this drivel. There is also the fact that the computer is in a hot room- fan only. So I am retiring to my cool bedroom til this heatwave passes and maybe catch up on some of that reading.

Hot


Been reading all the posts about the weather. Yes I thought today was the hottest of the year. Luke & I and Jackson(our dog) went to the beach and I actually got in the water almost all the way ( the water is frigid here in Mass.). We only had time for a quick swim because Jackson had his annual Vet appt. It turned out to be a rather traumatic and shocking one.
We were a few minutes late and upon arriving someone else was being brought in to the exam room. I sat down to wait patiently. The older woman working at the desk received a phone call and after was noticeably upset, teary. Since I was directly across from her I asked, are you ok? She proceeded to tell me that the phone call was from a woman saying she thought her dog was dead, that she had accidently left him in the car. She was bringing him there. The woman behind the desk said she know the dog, they were clients there.I asked if we should reschedule and they said no. My dog decided he had to go out, so I took him outside to the area they have out back so he could "go". Just as I was heading back in, this woman pulled in, jumped out of a rather large vehicle, dressed in just a bathing suit and ran screaming into the office. The vet assistant came out as well as the Vet and they proceeded to pull the very dead and stiff dog out of the back seat. Luckily Luke( who wanted to wait in the car - windows open) was absorbed in his Sports Illustrated and didn't see this (I made a quick call for my husband to pick Luke up cause I din't know how long things would take now and I didn't want him seeing or hearing this.) So I went back in past the hysterical woman screaming "I killed my dog". I stopped for a second but didn't say anything to comfort her, all I could think about was the dog. They brought me and my dog right into the exam room(where we all ruminated on the horrible event while he examined my dog). I asked if she was gonna be alright and they said someone was coming. Evidently she had left him in the car around 12 cause someone was coming over?? it was now 4!!! she had just realized.. where is the dog. But why the hell she left him in there even if for a minute I don't know. Rushing, forgetful, too much on her mind? The Vet said the dog had been dead for awhile, probably only lasted 20 min. in this heat! When we finished and went back out to the waiting area she was gone. They said she had left herself and drove home- in her state! All I could think was I hope she doesn't hurt anyone else.

The Unbearable Lightness of Being


This Sundays' book find was The Joke by Milan Kundera and also While I was Gone which looks familiar by Sue Miller(of course I read the Good Mother by her). I just scanned the 1st page and now remember starting it last summer but not finishing it because it was a library book. Well now I can(someday).
Kundera's The Unbearable Lightness of Being is one of my favorite books. I should read it again; it's been so long since I've read it. I've never heard of The Joke but have added it to the pile. My collection is getting quite large ( especially the ones I don't own or find but that are on The List). Now if I could only find time to read them.

War of the Worlds


Wow, double wow. Went to see it with Luke Sat nite - my date. (his 2nd time -was better the 1st he said;well of course/he knew what was comin). Preety good flick, really good special effects, tho the monsters reminded me of some things I've seen before either in Alien or Star wars or somewhere. (And yes I was holding Luke's arm through some parts).The young girl was Very good, better thanTom Cruise actually ( if he could only keep his mouth shut offscreen.) I don't know if there was ever a movie I haven't liked him in. From his very 1st underwear clad white sock slide to Raymond. But he always seems so glib to me not smooth, refined, gentlemanly like theCary Grants of yesteryear that's for sure. Well fun is over back to the war of the toilet bowls and sanding woodwork.

The bones

From writing down the bones by Natalie Goldberg ( that touches on yesterdays topic) - One of the main aims in writing practice is to learn to trust your own mind. One poem or story( or post) doesn't matter one way or the other. It's the process of writing and life that matters. Too many writers have written great books and gone insane or alcoholic or killed themselves. This process teaches about sanity. We are trying to become sane along with our poems and stories.

I also like what she says here: Discipline has always been a cruel word. I always think of it as beating my lazy part into submission and that never works. The dictator and the resister continue to fight. If those characters in you want to fight, let them fight. Meanwhile the sane part of you should quietly get up, go over to your notebook and begin to write from a deeper , more peaceful place. Unfortunately those two fighters often come with you ; so you might have to give them 5 or 10 minutes of voice ; let them carry on in writing, it is amazing that when you give those voices writing space their complaining quickly gets boring and you get sick of them. She tells of a friend who was beginning her first novel and would sit at the typewriter for the first ten minutes and just write about what a terrible writer she was, what a jerk she was to even attempt a novel. Then she tore up the sheet and began the next chapter of her novel.
There is a Zen saying, "talk when you talk, walk when you walk, die when you die."- Write when you write. Stop battling yourself with guilt, accusations and strong arm threats.

She then gives 6 practical suggestions on how to get yourself going which you will have to buy the book to read as I am getting tired of typing. ( I wonder if it is still in print-Shambala 1986). She ends the chapter by saying: Just don't get caught in the endless cycle of guilt, avoidance, and pressure. When it is your time to write, write.

Not good news


I don't know where I found this but I had it saved in drafts ( I had mixed feelings about posting it cause it is so negative.)
A VOCATION OF UNHAPPINESS [Courtesy Georges Simenon (1903-1985)]"Writing is considered a profession, and I don't think it is a profession. I think that everyone who does not need to be a writer, who thinks he can do something else, ought to do something else. Writing is not a profession but a vocation of unhappiness. I don't think an artist can ever be happy." Wow, what do you thing about that!?! How bout voting: 1) Disagree 2) Don't know if i agree or disagree.- agree/disagree somewhat. 3)Agree. I think he could used some prozac. My vote is # 2 of course. I do like the picture of the snow in my backyard, tho I didn't like it when I took it.



R. Laban

Indecision incarnate


Hallelujah, hallelujah. I've finally made up my mind! well about the paint color for the new sun/family room. And amazingly enof yellow ( straw) has prevailed. Of course the cool suede color(that was already purchased) will now have to be used in the living room. I hope I like it in there. Now I am trying to decide on which post to post. I have 12 saved drafts - some of them just titles or ideas. I guess Rudy (college friend) knew what he was talking about when he dubbed me Indecision incarnate.

Sabbatical


On sabbatical here. Finding it hard to put one foot or word in front of the other.

Dog days of summer

R Laban

Not necessarily the news

This Sundays book find at the dump was a poetry book - 100 selected poems ee cummings. I've skimmed up to #46( and only really liked 1) and realized that I am not really a fan of his. Boy he used alot of parenthesis(I know I should talk). There is a nice poetry post today over at The Marvelous Garden http://simplywait.blogspot.com . While you are there check out waitress poems in the links.
I was chagrined to find a copy of Dogs of Babel, which I had just paid 5 bucks for. I shoulda waited for it to turn up at the dump, brought by the good book fairy. Well I must resume the search for the perfect color for the new sunroom; looks like I'm turning away from yellow and going for the safe haven tans, this one that i'm considering is called organic rub. I could use one of those.

Mellow Yellow

I've been living inside one of those Benjamin Moore fan decks for the past week . I think I have looked at every shade of yellow known to man. Yellow is not one of my favorite colors but I thought that's what color I should do in the new sun/family room. I am really more a grey, taupe, tan girl finding them soothing; tho recently I have branched and done some green/blues. I had almost settled on Straw yellow when this woman in the paint store decided to help me and invited me to her house to look at some dark tone shades that she used in her house. We talked colors as she gave me a quick tour of her house, had a few laughs with her teenage kids. Funny but in the few minutes I was with her she felt like someone I could be friends with. I left and went off to buy cat food and mull over the virtues of yellow versus browntones. Now I don't even remember her name; I hope I can remember where she lives so I can drop her a thank you note maybe with a picture of the color I decide on, if I ever do. Thank goodness for the kindness of strangers.

Saddened

Saddened and horrified by today's terrorist attacks in London. World's gone mad. Star Wars and War of the Worlds don't seem like that far of a stretch in this day and age. Can only hope that the forces of good shall prevail.

Meme, Meme, Meme

What goes around comes around. So http://musingsofamiddle-agedwoman.blogspot.com/ has passed this meme to me:

Question number 1: What are three of the stupidest things you've done in your life?
Only 3? Well #1 and 2 are definitely not the stupidest but I can write about them here.

1. One summer when I was maybe 6 or 7 and my brother was a teenager I spit out a cherry pit at his friend, thinking it was funny. They were going out on the boardwalk and it made a dark red stain on his friend's white shirt and my brother was livid at me.

2. When I was fifteen my boyfriend Steve broke up with me at the cabana club where we both worked as counselors. I remember throwing his ring at him and walking over and jumping into the deep end of the pool. Not thinking that maybe this wasn't the best idea cause now I had to swim to the other end and get out dripping wet. Always the drama queen. Dummy.... I should've thrown the ring in the pool, told him to go get it and sauntered off, head held high. This was over 30 yrs. ago so now I'm wondering if I did throw it in the pool.

3. Stopped playing the piano in high school and dropping out of college and never making up my mind what to do and going for it. ( I guess that's more than 3).

Question number 2: At the current moment, who has the most influence on your life?
My Son. I'm his chauffeaur, maid, cook, etc.; but he's worth it.

Question number 3: If you were given a time machine that functioned, and you were allowed to only pick up to five people to dine with, who would you pick?

1. Anais Nin
2. Henry Miller
3. Princess Diana
4. President Kennedy
5. John Lennon

Question number 4: If you had three wishes that were not supernatural, what would they be?

1. To see my son grow up and love what he does and have children.
2. To have a job/career that I love; ie: be an artist (writer, musician or photographer).
3. To be happy.

Question number 5: Someone is visiting your hometown/place where you live at the moment. Name two things you regret your city not having, and two things people should avoid.

A Coffee house and Thai restaurant
Making children's sports too competitive at such young ages. Only thinking of themselves.

Question number 6: Name one event that has changed your life.

The birth of my son.

Question number 7: Is not a question. It's a command. Tag five other people.

My Leo nature does not respond well to commands so I am tagging anyone who wishes to respond. Go for it!

A boy & his dog

Happy Fourth!




















photo by R. Laban





Positive signs


3 positive signs from today:
1) Bleary eyed before coffee, sitting at my computer ; I looked up and took down copy of Writing down the bones by Natalie Goldberg ( that I have had for a long time but haven't read.) I don't remember what prompted me to do that. I was going to look at the 1st chapter: Beginner's Mind, Pen and Paper when I flipped back a couple of pages to the Introduction that I was going to skip and read this: This book is about writing. It is also about using writing as your practice, as a way to help you penetrate your life and become sane. I will take this as a sign to keep on blogging.
2) Saw one of those baby snapping turtles crossing the road/a lady had stopped her car and was helping it get across safely - her license plate: Love 101. My son was in the car with me; he was talking about the Live 8 concert and was telling me how Will Smith had snapped his fingers every 3 seconds and told the audience that every 3 seconds a child dies in Africa. Maybe the Hippie movement is not dead.
3) Found a really nice 2 book set of Year in Provence and Toujours Provence in book shack at the dump.I had just put Year in Provence on my list of books to read this morning after Jeanette recommended it in her book meme.
All in all it was a nice Sunday morning.

A.D.D. style of

Okay I'm not sure if I have this (ADD) but it seems according to everyone, that i might as everyone seems to have it now. If I don't than at the very least I have ADD style of housecleaning (and yardwork) and blogging possibly. Like today for instance, really just worked in the yard; this is my usual excuse for not doing the housework. The bathrooms are dirty but it's more important to pull weeds, or mulch. But then how come at the end of the day nothing looks like it was done?
I pour a cup of coffee and go online check email, make a few calls I need to make and head outdoors. I pull a few weeds, then go to find the wheelbarrel (where'd I leave it?) I spend more time looking for my garden tools than actually using them. As for the housework, I think I have that figured out too. I like sweeping it seems. The floors are swept everyday, sometimes a couple time a day (you saw the pics of the cute dog and cat), but rarely are they mopped. And dusting that is almost never done in my house. I think that I discovered that once it is visible it doesn't matter if it is a 1/4 inch or an inch thick, it's all the same. I know I just spoke of this on my last post but I actually just found this saved draft - see what I mean. Oh and last but not least I most definitely have the ADD thing going for paperwork - that is a complete and utter mess. And I have 3 desks, tho this is the only one that I actually sit at. Well this is all I can muster without a cup of coffee. Headin downstairs - at least I know why.

Dakota


I am seriously thinking of giving up blogging - its seems to be my latest addiction. Better than chocolate and alcohol, but an addiction and time waster none the less; and g-d knows I don't need anymore of those. Also in the summer there is the added yardwork chore, which is a full-time job in itself. And my house is exceeding even my limits of dirtiness. I do have a theory tho that once the dust is thick enough to write your initials in (which it is at my house) it doesn't accumulate or matter anymore - who cares, obviouslyI don't. And then there is the fact that I am too darn lazy for any of it. Throw in a tad of ADD, depression and overwhelmedness ( is that a word- if it's not it should be) and it's amazing anything gets done around here. And did I forgot to mention that we are in yet another remodel phase here. Just had the old sunroom redone with new windows, doors, walls and insulation in the hopes that we can now use this much needed room yearround as a family room. So all the furniture from the sunroom is in the living room so we are all still living out of the 4th bedroom( smallest room in the house) the most popular room - TV, playstation and computer. So we have 4 people vying for the computer, oh yeah and don't forget Jackson our dog had to squeeze his big body in here too. Well i managed to post just because I'm avoiding all the other chores - so maybe I'm not ready to give it up yet. I had intended to put a Gone fishing post up for the summer and retreat back into my handwritten journal cause frankly I think I need to do that too - some things are just too personal to share on the worldwide web. When I walked up the steps to do (? what- I forgot now - middle age amnesia) I saw my 14 yrs old cat Dakota curled up on the bathroom floor and I thought -I wish I could just do that. Well guess I will go figure out what I came up here to do.
Be careful out there.

My dog Jackson

Isn't he cute? I was thinking my site needs some pics. So here is the sweet boy; our 1yr. old Black Lab.

Meme baton

I'm not sure what a meme is but I know what to do with a baton. Since my dear friend, Patti, has passed it to me and I always do what she tells me here goes:

You are stuck inside Fahrenheit 451. Which book do you want to be?

The Foot book by Dr. Seuss since I think I already know it by heart.

Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?

I named my only son Luke, after the name of the brother in Prince of Tides. But it's been so long since I've read it I would have to go back and read it again to figure out why. I was mesmerized by that book though I remember.

The last book you bought is?

Dogs of Babel by Carolyn Parkhurst- I must be honest tho, I bought it at a discount store because it was cheap and looked like a good beach book.

What are you currently reading?

Here's your Hat What's your Hurry by Elizabeth McCracken(short stories) which I bought at a yard sale 2 wks. ago for 10 cents. I liked the title (its' an expression I use actually). I also liked the title of the 1st story - It's bad luck to die, which was different at first but just okay. The book I'm going to read next it sitting on my night table - it's Anita Shreve's Weight of Water. I really wanted to read the one about the old friends that meet again on the beach but my local librarian told me I had to read this one first. Not sure I should've listenend to her, I still want to read that other one.

Five books you would take to a deserted island

Oh boy -I hate this question. You know how I hate making decisions so I will just be vague.
1. Something Zen-like or spiritual
2. Something by Tolstoy or another classic I haven't read
3. A poetry book by Stanley Kunitz.
4. One of the 12 writing books staring down at me from this desk because now I will have time to read it and maybe actually "just do it".
5. And maybe one of my Piano books, also gathering dust. Alot of good that would be on a deserted island; unless the luxury liner that I was on - the grand piano was my means of escape.

Who are you going to pass this stick to (3 persons) and why?

I'm going to pass the meme baton to Jeannette at Musings of a Middle-aged Woman cause hers is one of my favorite blogs - i love her wit and down to earthinesss. And to my co-worker Robin Puccini at cc jellybeans and also dotmoms, which was recently written up (as well as Robin) in Forbes. And to Michelle at Writersattic because I recently entered a contest on her very interesting website. My apologizes to the above on my not being blog savvy enough to create links to their blogs. Hopefully with Robin's help I will be able to in the near future.

New found respect

I have always been in awe of writers, how they get it all down, the dialogue, the plot but most of all the daily grind. As much as I love writing, getting those words down on paper everyday, well that's a job. A labor of love but work nonetheless.I love when a poem just comes to me, when it seems like I am just putting the pen to the paper, the words flowing effortlessly. This is usually easy because I am an emotional mess and the poem is a catharsis and I feel so much better getting it out on paper. But to sit down and pick up where you left off mid sentence and create something from scratch, a real true to life character day in & day out that is really something.

Rebuttal

Been busy with the office politics and writing my rebuttal to my review. We'll see where this gets me( to the door probably). The thing I've been really mad about tho is that during my review I saw a letter from the CEO saying how he had poured over these reviews ( yea, trying to make us look bad) and if anyone thought it unfair that they should know that upon review it would be less! The absolute gall! Maybe the reason he is so fat and puffed up is because his balls are so big they wrapped themselves around him. No one should think himself so powerful. Bastard.

Had the crap beat out of me today

I apologize if I've offended anyone with this title but that is really how I feel and I don't know how else to say it. Don't know if I even have the strength to write about it. Of course I mean figuratively but my head is pounding all the same. Feel like I was chewed up and spit out. The old little guy goes up against the establishment story- never a pretty story. First punch: I find out that our health insurance is being changed again, down to the worst possible coverage with a large deductible. I basically work for insurance now but in addition to the 8500 a yr. that I pay they are now increasing the deductible to 2500 so that's 10K for Insurance. Hillary where are you now. I've figured out that I'd be better off divorcing my husband and going on Mass. Health ( Medicaid) and getting laid off and collecting. Well after the insurance debacle and to add insult to injury literally I had my review. 1%! Now this is when I could really real off the expletives but I wont'. I've worked for this company for 13 yrs. and if they're that bad offthey can keep their blankin quarter, I don't need it that bad. Oh yea, I forgot I do, have to pay that deductible. Talk about yr. double whammy. Good thing there is no ice cream in the house but I think I hear the cereal calling me. Need some comfort food.

Sporadic

I don't think many people read this but that's okay cause I think I am really writing if for my self anyway. I'm a sporadic journal writer from way back. What do people do with those things. My friend got divorced becasue of one. She said the priest she spoke to about her husbands said, " Why do they write in those things!" Tho she writes in one now, tho she doesn't have to worry about anyone reading it i guess. I sometime wonder if my husband has read mine and if so why he hasnt' left me yet ( but that's another topic).
I actually was thinking that I hadn't written in here in awhile when I was moving some summer clothes from the extra bedroom/computer room/den - this is the smallest room in the house and the most popular. Has TV/PS2/computer so we are all usually vying for it - yes we are a 1 computer family. I want my own Laptop for the kitchen - someday. Seems I've gotten off the track here again, what a surprise.
OH yea, so I was moving the clothes, when I noticed that everything is black(of course), white, denim or khaki. What does this mean? that I'm a Gap dresser? So they are back on the Futon behind me - they almost made it to the closet. I was going to try and explain what i've been up to ( why i haven'posted in 3 days , now 5 but it would be all excuses anyway so let's just skip it and leave it at I'm sporadic at best. 1) occurring at irregular intervals; having no pattern or order. That sounds like me.

patient

Ok first i will say it is late and I am forcing myself to write; reminds me of when I was a kid and had to practice piano when I wanted to go outside and play. I just want to go to bed now. But I jotted down an experience that I had yesteday and before I forget I guess I should get it down on paper. I was at work the other day mechanically going about my job, as I usually do, when I called in a patient that I recognized. I immediateyly knew the face and she was smiling at me. I remembered that we had talked and had real converstations in the past. She told me that she was so glad when she saw me because she was so nervous about her eyes. That made me feel good that perhaps I do serve a purpose on this earth.

deli number

Funny thing happened the other day when I was waiting in the deli line. It was fairly busy but when i checked my number it didn't seem like I had enough time to do the supermarket sweep routine(you know sprint to the other end of the store for toilet paper and cat food). So I decided to wait patiently(which is unusual for me). As I was standing their waiting I had an out of body experience of sorts; suddenly I was in my garden figuring out where to put some plants. When I remember andlooked up to the counter above I saw that the number was on the number past my number; my number had been called! I stood there kinda sputtering for a moment: uh uh my my number with number in hand held high. The woman who had taken my place with her number was appologizing even tho it was clearly my mistake and I told her it was. So I don't know what is better the sprint to the TP aisle for the aerobic value & time mangement or smelling the imaginary roses.

Ready to give up

Just when I thought I was on a roll here the evil sisters Doom and Gloom have reared their ugly faces to rain on my parade. Despite nice reviews by 2 actual bloggers and a graphic artist friend I seem ready to throw in the towel. Don't know if is is sheer laziness or lack of belief in myself or maybe just lack of direction. Or maybe the honeymoon is over and now it is too much like work and I don't really know what to write about or why.
When I was out in my garden today (when I was supposed to be making dinner) see I never do what I'm supposed to be doing. I was thinking about how much I like gardening ( where I can see the fruits of my labor). I was thinking if only I could drink coffe all morning, work in my garden all day and drink wine all nite. Of course I'd have to add some carbs and greens to that diet and chocolate of course. well i am running out of steam here so maybe I'll see you tomorrow unless i'm planting daisies.

Forcing myself

Ok its' sunday morning and I've had my coffee, put in a load of laundry and drove the kid to baseball practice. I don't have a clue of what I am writing about here; I think I am just avoiding cleaning the bathrooms and the nasty cat box. Actually my yard work is beckoning me cause it is a beautiful day and a legitimate excuse not to do housework. My motto is just keep moving, don't give your right name. I guess I've always been good at excuses. I remember in High School when we were going over some kids house for basically a makeout party - music/low lights in someones basement. Loved those finished basements - away from the peering eyes of grown ups. I usually used the movie excuse and researched what it was about and everything. Ready with my lie.
Just reread the part about the legitimate excuse, I guess Imust feel blogging is not legitimate cause it just seems like dear diary; don't know where I am going with it. But it appeals to my underfed creative self. The garden is beckoning. I know Patti I always bail just when I'm getting going. Lazy Leo.

Best little time wasters

My best friend used to say that we were the best little time wasters in the world. I can remember going over her house for coffee in the morning and shooting the shit. Rehashing the events of the day or night before (this was in the days of disco - another story). Then we would have lunch and before you knew it it was tea time or if we were feeling particularly wasteful and had some extra dough we would head downtown for Bart's chocolate cake, the best chocolate cake ever.

So this morning that phrase came to mind when I was driving around to yard sales with my son. And now here i am online on the computer ( another little timewaster) but the clock is ticking and it's almost noon so the fun is over have to race to the bank fore 12 and then lunch for the kid and endless laundry and chores. Ho hum.

metamorphosis

Found my old HS boyfriend online and It has reminded me of all the changes I have been through or all the different people I have been. There was the Baton Twirling drama queen in HS. Then a quick stint as College student, quickly followed by college drop out. Then there was the Hippie stage ( my personal favorite). THen there was a lost stage ( that was a long one - sometime I think i might still be stuck in that one). And there was the barfly ( i was in the restaurant business - bartender for years). Then I got a real job in the Medical field ( whick I am still stuck in). And then the best job of all - Mom. In between I also worked for a boat charter company and for a TV. station ( my dream job); but that was in the Virgin Islands and I moved back to the states and they rest is history as they say.

Another day

Well I had good intentions of writing in here and also turning over my garden but my old back is telling me to just go lie down. I have 1/2 hr. before my 11 yr. old's baseball game begins. As for the failures; who wants to relive them. My 13th wedding anniversary last night. I'm living one right now: my marraige - a terrible failure except for that 11 yr. old. Gotta go watch the game. I know if I'd only finish something I started, my age old problem. But I started another poetry blog, wish someone could tell me how to add a link to them here. This is my ADD style of blogging I guess; similar to my ADD style of housecleaning; just jump from one thing to another and never finish anything. Well as Scarlett would say, "I'll just think about that tomorrow".

Terrible failure

Well, as you can see I am not good for my word, never mind words. Feeling like a terrible failure. Can't seem to keep to a schedule here. Sounds like a Roald Dahl book (ie: the BFG - big friendly giant) ; I'm the TTF( The terrible failure). Maybe i should just stick with the poetry, I can manage to spit out a few words. And speaking of terrible failure I could go on about my failures in life and love; as there are many but I don't know if I want to relive all that right now. I think I will just go to bed.

Commitment phobic

See, as soon as I committed to writing 1000 words a day you didn't see one more word from me. Altho I swear I had saved something in drafts that i was working on. I have been preoccupied with projects/remodeling going on in my house and all the chaos that involves. Another deterrent has been that I have been in pain from my shoulder and elbow; I realize that these are all excuses and Dr. notes are not accepted. I will try and get back in the saddle as soon as I get back from CVS ( drug store).

a thousand words a day

Ok, i am going to aspire to this as my real writer friend expounds this from "Making a LiteraryLife" by Caroline See. However since I am just a dilitante (dabbler in many things, master of none: ie: writing, piano, photography) which really translates to lazy shit; I decided to just post everyday and even at this I've been cheating. When I haven't written anything that day I am posting an old poem. I am going to try and stop this cheating and continue writing new entries everyday. I will also put all the old poems in a separate place under old poems, as i like seeing them in print here and perhaps start a new poems section of more recent stuff. Now that I have a plan I think I will go take a nap.

Bedroom Eyes

Someone
A man
once told me
when I was
eleven or twelve
that I had bedroom eyes
I can’t remember
if I knew what he was talking about
But now
I walk into
my bedroom
I look in the mirror
and see blue eyes with
alot of white under them
and a slightly tired look


R Laban

where do i go from here?

Well this "You can never go home story" came from a series of emails that I sent my brother about my trip back to my hometown. Then when I had to join to respond to a post of my bestfriend,Patry Francis, who is a great writer; I decided to start one myself. I have been writing poetry since college ( a very long time ago) and a sporadic journal writer ( mostly whinin and plainin.) So I either have to come up with some new material or expound more on growin up in a small town in NJ in the 60's. Or maybe write about my experience in this millenium as a unhappily married working mother who is constantly remodeling her decrepit 35 yr old house. I guess I will decide tomorrow as procrastination and indecision are old friends of mine.

red headed neighbor lady

So she comes out front, hugs me and we wind up in her living room. She has bright red hair still ( she's about 75). I didn't remember her at first but when I saw the picture of her, when she was young, hanging in her living room I did. Evidently she really liked my Mom and went on about how much fun she was how much fun they used to have. She rattled off all the ole neighbor's and how they had died. I felt kinda sad sittin there at one point. Anyway we finally left and drove to the High School and all around town actually, from one end of town to the other. Saw both parks, the ole JCC, the uptown and downtown diners ( i hung at both at different periods in my life- ),and had lunch at Petridis ( the ole hot dog stand - tho now it is in a store.) Luke thought they were the best hot dogs. I liked them better when they were from the truck on the corner; it just wasn't the same eating them sitting down at a table in that storefront.They tasted much better covered in mustard and sauerkraut in a paper napkin , standing eating them on the sidewalk while juggling yr. coke or yoo hoo.I even remember how the sauerkrat made the roll soggy and you had to be careful not to eat the napkin. My ole grammar school was gone, torn down, houses now.
It was creepy but kind of cool being there all these years later. Oh yeah- the pool where my brother used to work ; I was telling Luke how it used to only be 50 cents to get in and as we drive by we read the sign and it still says 50 cents. neeneeneenee. You are now entering the Twilight Zone.

tour of the ole homestead

Well back to the story, disconjointed as it may be, maybe later I can go back and pull the story out of all this rambling. Let's see so.... I'm staring at those black speckled tiles and they're catapulting me back in time (like I almost steped into a time machine and I'm back practicing baton twirling or making out with my boyfriend, Steve.)

The man that lives in my house now says something about the paneling on the walls- the old knotty pine -that he painted it white. He's telling me that the second owner was a hairdreser and put in extra plumbing in a closet on the back wall of the basement, so this also made the basement look smaller than I remember; plus it was chock full of shit, including a piano.

Upstairs: the kitchen had a recent makeover and wasn't too bad. The living room with those little set of steps up to the bedrooms didn't look so good. I stood in my old bedroom and looked into the master bedrm. and bathrm, that also had been remodeled. Didn't have those little tiny tiles and no movie magazines with Elizabeth Taylor and Debbie Reynolds on the cover. The flight of stairs up to my brothers room were also smaller (less stairs) than I remember, thought they were longer/like the ones in my house now. Even went into the old attic - I loved that attic as a kid, thought it was cool. Shoulda made that into a room! The kids after us had written their names on the old cedar closet. Luke asked if I did, I don't remember but who knows maybe if we poked around more, we'd find some remant of our life there.

On the way back out we stop in the living room and I'm looking at the chinese art which is strange because my mom used to be into that stuff. Anyway he asks me if I remember Margaret from across the street? And he call her on the phone and tells her he has a girl here from the old neighborhood.....Rachael . And I can hear her through the telephone, scream...Rachael?....Rachael Landeau I'll be right over.

I'm back

Well, I'm finally back from my little foray into computer hell. My computer was down; needed a new hard drive - 2 trips to the computer repair store and $230 later. I wish these things worked like TVs. And then there was all the time I spent unplugging it and replugging it in and figuring out how to get everything working again. Also had to research whether to fix it or buy a new one. All this took up most of this week. And it took me awhile to find this damn blog too( I had to retrieve my favorites links). Which made me feel safe that maybe nobody is actually reading it and I don't have to be embarrassed about it. I also wished the hell I knew what I was doing on here. Looks like my 1st post is in 3 places and I don't know where this one is going. So maybe I can get back to my supposed story someday. Didn't we used to call this stream of consciousness back in the hippie days? I'm just afraid that it's more like a river of unconsciousness or just a crock of shit. But i seem to be keeping myself entertained if nothing else.